Sofia Vergara Thinks Her Boobs Are Too Big, Is A LiarBy toddApril 09, 2015
Sofia Vergara Thinks Her Boobs Are Too Big, Is A Liar

 

Sofia Vergara is on the May 2015 cover of Vanity Fair. See? Look up. That’s totally her! I guess I really didn’t need to point that out. Jesus, Todd. So stupid! Just move on. Everybody knows it’s her, you idiot. This is why your father left. Kill yourself.

“My boobs are, like, huge.” She gives a representation of said hugeness with her hands. “My whole life, buying a bra was a nightmare. What I used to do when I moved to L.A., I found places like Frederick’s of Hollywood that make bras for [strippers].” She adds, “Believe me, I wish I had fake boobs. I lay down and they completely go down like all the way, like here.” Another representation with her hands. “It’s not fun.”

Like do we even want to imagine a world where Sofia Vergara doesn’t look like Sofia Vergara? This is what ISIS wants. I would say this is what the aliens want but we don’t aliens’ concepts of beauty. Or if “beauty” is even a thing where the live. And where do aliens live? I’ve always wondered about that. But I think they’d be pretty upset regardless if Sofia Vergara didn’t have Sofia Vergara. Also, no matter how hot a woman is, she’ll find something she hates about herself then focus on that until it’s an all-consuming thought no amount of compliments will solve. Maybe when the aliens come they can change that. We should really invest more in science instead of saying Moses is founding father and giving money to Fast and Furious franchise.

 

 

Sofia Vergara Vanity Fair

  Sofia Vergara is on the May 2015 cover of Vanity Fair. See? Look up. That’s totally her! I guess I really didn’t need to point that out. Jesus, Todd….

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Jon Hamm Was A Violent Douche Frat BroBy toddApril 09, 2015

Well, this is disappointing. Apparently Jon Hamm attended the University of Texas at Austin where he was a member of Sigma Nu. And the one thing we know about the ancient Greeks and the Greeks on college campuses, it’s that they were/are violent and everything is borderline gay. Daily Mail (via ONTD) reports:

Court documents have been unearthed regarding Jon Hamm’s matriculation at University of Texas/Austin

 

Jon was a sophomore at UTA in 1990 and a member of the frat Sigma Nu

 

A 21-year old pledge was called to the Sigma Nu house at 2:30 AM

 

The still unidentified pledge was alledgely subjected to two hours of physical abuse as part of his frat hazing

 

The victim told police that he was hit with a paddle 30 times and lifted off the floor by his underwear. Jon & co swayed him back and forth causing him ‘great pain’

 

He then states that Jon led him to the basement “pit” where his face was slammed into the ground while doing push ups. The pledge also states that Jon stood on his spine with his full weight

 

The pledge also alleged that his pants were set on fire and he was forced to blow them out instead of patting

 

The pledge was then *allegedly* taken to the “Party Room” where Hamm ‘hooked the claw of a hammer underneath his genitals and led him by the hammer around the room’

 

Jon went moved on to another pledge after he was done with the victim

 

The victim was found by his mother the next morning hiding his in apartment closet full of bruises. He begged his mother not to file a police report, but she did anyway

 

As a result, 8 warrants were issued for Hamm and seven other frat members. Three of the members were sentenced to 30 days in prison and Hamm was charged with assualt in 1991

 

The Sigma Nu chapter was closed on the UTA campus and Jon reached a plea deal with authorities in 1995

If you go to college and need to pay to get laid (whether the girls want to bang you or not)  and have other dudes always want to do something with your balls or put something up your ass to build brotherhood, you might consider joining a fraternity to become a sociopath with a paddle made of a sense of entitlement and date rape. Or you can just, I don’t know, have a personality and don’t make your self-worth solely based on the opinions of dudes who try to humiliate you and teach you how to use chloroform. Of course, people can change in 25 years, but look at Jon Hamm’s face. At one point that face was trying beat another dude’s balls with a claw hammer for fun. Hannibal even thinks that’s suspect.

 

 

Well, this is disappointing. Apparently Jon Hamm attended the University of Texas at Austin where he was a member of Sigma Nu. And the one thing we know about the…

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Iggy Azalea Is The Greatest Rapper Of All TimeBy toddApril 08, 2015
Iggy Azalea Is The Greatest Rapper Of All Time

 

Government code breakers are still trying to figure out what Iggy Azalea was saying here, so they need to hurry up because here’s another Vine of Iggy Azalea freestyling. And by “freestyling” I mean “saying random gibberish while she hopes people just look at her ass”. I have no idea what’s happening here. Kevin G is a better rapper than Iggy Azalea. They played this at 2pac’s grave and he came back to life then shot himself in the head.

 

  Government code breakers are still trying to figure out what Iggy Azalea was saying here, so they need to hurry up because here’s another Vine of Iggy Azalea freestyling….

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Kate Upton Has A ‘Very Serious’ BoyfriendBy toddSeptember 30, 2013

Kate Upton has been dating Maksim Chernobyl (his name spellchecks to a nuclear disaster) for a while now, but I guess now they actually wany people to know. People reports:

When Kate Upton was spotted holding hands with former Dancing with the Stars pro Maksim Chmerkovskiy in New York City recently, the Sports Illustrated cover girl was showing off her new boyfriend. Yep, it's official and a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE, "They are very serious." But the pair, who met through a mutual friend about six months ago, started off as friends, the source says. "Along the way," the source says, "it turned into something else."

Haha, yes, they started off a friends. Of course. Because 33-year old dudes always talk to dumb 20-year old blondes with massize tits because they make great friends. They make the best friends. They've probably dated this long because he's convinced her that his semen is ice cream.

Kate Upton has been dating Maksim Chernobyl (his name spellchecks to a nuclear disaster) for a while now, but I guess now they actually wany people to know. People reports:…

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Kim Kardashian And Her Boobs Are BackBy toddSeptember 30, 2013

I'm still recovering from last night's brilliant series finale of Breaking Bad which poetically showed Walter White die where Heisenberg was born (Sorry, if you don't want spoilers, stay off the Internet. The world doesn't revolve around you, bitch), but we deal with tits here, so here's Kim Kardashian still trying to make you think she's hot even though she's a 32-year old, unmarried mom of a child whose father had another psychotic break last week. I don't know about you guys, but I can barely even contain my erection.

I'm still recovering from last night's brilliant series finale of Breaking Bad which poetically showed Walter White die where Heisenberg was born (Sorry, if you don't want spoilers, stay off…

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Katherine Webb Ate A CheeseburgerBy toddSeptember 30, 2013

 

When you're a Christian, you never know what God's plan might be for you, so how lucky is Katherine Webb that God wanted her to show his light by having simulated sex with a  Carl's Jr. Buffalo Blue Cheeseburger and causing men to commit adultery in their hearts. I tried mastubating to this, but then I realized after they stopped filming she stuck her finger down her throat. Haha, you won't fool me, Satan!

  When you're a Christian, you never know what God's plan might be for you, so how lucky is Katherine Webb that God wanted her to show his light by…

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India Reynolds Says Happy Monday, LinksBy toddSeptember 30, 2013
India Reynolds Says Happy Monday, Links

 

Blerta Needs To Be An Actual Character On Girls [Dlisted]

Russell Brand Made Katy Perry Want to Die [Fishwrapper]

Angelina Jolie's Perky New Boobs Look GOOD! (NSFW site) [Taxi Driver Movie]

Khloe Kardashian's Marriage Is Going Well [The Superficial]

Britney Spears Work Bitch Video Teaser [Hollywood Tuna]

Scarlett Johansson’s New “Don Jon” Promotional Photos Are Bodaciously Sexy [Popoholic]

Chelsea Handler in a bikini (NSFW site) [Drunken Stepfather]

Aaron Paul's "Breaking Bad" finale party at the Hollywood Forever Cemetery was totally badass [TMZ]

Adele might play Dusty Springfield [Lainey Gossip]

Kim Kardashian was ‘sad’ to leave North at home while flying to Paris Fashion Week [Celebitchy]

Maria Menounos vs. Jessica Alba vs. Renee Bargh: Rear-View Matchup [Moe Jackson]

Rush totally bombed [Film Drunk]

Kelly Rowland's fake breasts are the fulfillment of a childhood dream [Celebslam

Check Out These Badass MacGyver Bongs [COED Magazine]

Lamar Odom Thinks Money Will Solve Everything [The Blemish]

Vanilla Ice Agrees With Miley Cyrus, Thinks Justin Bieber Is A D-Bag [Evil Beet Gossip]

Next Harry Potter Feature Could Be a Quidditch Movie [Crave Online]

Miley Cyrus thinks cocaine is gross but loves weed [Popbytes]

Model Attacked By Topless Protestors At Paris Fashion Week [Hollywood Life]

Rihanna Broke Herself [Blaberazzi]

 

Pic source = Instagram

  Blerta Needs To Be An Actual Character On Girls [Dlisted] Russell Brand Made Katy Perry Want to Die [Fishwrapper] Angelina Jolie's Perky New Boobs Look GOOD! (NSFW site) [Taxi…

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Angelina Attempted Suicide!By toddDecember 16, 2009

[Gallery not found]

Apparently falling into a deep depression after Brad Pitt moved out to film a movie, Angelina Jolie tried to kill herself. “Wait, what now? Dude,” my penis said as he lifted his head up from his nap. The National Enquirer reports:

The sultry brunette beauty confessed to Brad that she was afraid her suicidal tendencies would return after learning that he’d made plans to move out
on his own, according to insiders. But the big-screen hunk assured her the separation would be temporary, and their love would survive the split, sources say. “Brad was in France checking on their chateau recently, and Angelina was in Los Angeles with the kids when she called him in a panic,” a friend divulged. “She told him, ‘When you’re not around, I get these terrible feelings. I got the same feelings when I was younger, and that’s when I tried to kill myself.’ “Angelina said, ‘I feel lost without you – like I’m being abandoned.'” But Brad, 46, immediately reassured the high-strung Angelina that he wasn’t leaving her for good, even though he’ll be living apart from her and their six children while they work on separate movie projects, the friend revealed. “Brad quickly calmed Angelina down. “I’ll always be there for you and the kids. I promise.'”

I guess there are worse things than being known as the guy who made one of the most beautiful women in the world try to kill themselves because you said you were leaving for a few months. I can see how that would be a good pick up line.

Apparently falling into a deep depression after Brad Pitt moved out to film a movie, Angelina Jolie tried to kill herself. “Wait, what now? Dude,” my penis said as he…

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Yes PleaseBy toddDecember 15, 2009
[Gallery not found]

I never knew what Hitler’s doctors were talking about before, but after seeing these pictures of Marisa Miller backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, if eugenics had a page on Facebook I’d become a fan.

I never knew what Hitler’s doctors were talking about before, but after seeing these pictures of Marisa Miller backstage at the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, if eugenics had a page…

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Christmas Is EarlyBy toddDecember 15, 2009

Despite being the greatest publication in the history of the world, Nuts Magazine might convert intergalactic warlords to Christianity by dressing up Lucy Pinder and Rosie Jones in Santa's Little Helper outfits. Which of course they immediately take off. Like I did after my conversation with Megan Fox yesterday when she told me I got her pregnant. Then I hung up. You can't live in the past, man.

Despite being the greatest publication in the history of the world, Nuts Magazine might convert intergalactic warlords to Christianity by dressing up Lucy Pinder and Rosie Jones in Santa's Little…

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