Kelly Brook Is Doing This WrongBy jessJanuary 10, 2012

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Don’t worry, it’s not child bearing. Kelly Brook is famous for two reasons, and she covered both of them up this week. She may want to reconsider. I don’t think the Meisner technique would work as well as a V-neck in her auditions for the sequels to such fine art as Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and Piranha.

Don’t worry, it’s not child bearing. Kelly Brook is famous for two reasons, and she covered both of them up this week. She may want to reconsider. I don’t think…

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Milink KunisBy jessJanuary 09, 2012

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AnnaLynne McCord nipslip [Taxidriver Movie]
Justin Bieber is at the beach [The Superficial]
Candice Swanepoel in bikinis [Popoholic]
Jay-Z may have named his baby after his ex [Celebitchy]
Beyonce had a miscarriage before Blue [The Blemish]
Elle Richie is topless [Zoo Today]
Irina Shayk wins [Coed Magazine]
Rihanna is enthused [Cityrag]
Snooki wants to rape Lady Gaga [Dlisted]
Zooey Deschanel is too indie to smile [I’m Not Obsessed]
Lauren Stoner in a bikini [Moe Jackson]
Britney Spears is remixed [Popbytes]
Scarlett Johansson is selling something [Egotastic]
Beyonce pissed off breast feeders [Allie Is Wired]
Delicious [The Chive]
Jessica Simpson is ready to drop [Popcrush]
Blue Ivy is not in the Illuminati [Popcrush]
Charlize Theron has an amazing dress [A Socialite’s Life]
Kim Kardashian wants to sue her own boycott site [Amy Grindhouse]
RuPaul is not Ron Paul [Tabloid Prodigy]
Blue Ivy gift suggestions [Best Week Ever]
Judah Friedlander has my vote [Huffington Post]
Christina Milian is adjustable [Hollywood Tuna]
Katy Perry backs out of People’s Choice Awards [Celebuzz]
Selena Gomez is a cash cow [Celebslam]
Snoop Dogg is predictable [Evil Beet]

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AnnaLynne McCord nipslip [Taxidriver Movie] Justin Bieber is at the beach [The Superficial] Candice Swanepoel in bikinis [Popoholic] Jay-Z may have named his baby after his ex [Celebitchy] Beyonce had…

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Katy Perry’s Parents Are ConfusedBy jessJanuary 09, 2012

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Christian-when-convenient divorcee Katy Perry‘s parents, Keith and Mary Hudson, are capitalizing on their daughter’s split from Russell Brand to get people to donate to their collection plates. Per TMZ:

Perry’s mom, Mary, speaking for the first time about the split, told parishioners, “I’m sure Katy is trending on the internet just to get you to church tonight. I mean all over the world, who knows how God is bringing them in? The most important thing is you are here and God wants to put the fire in you in 2012.”

Oh, and her dad hates Jews, according to The Sun:

Keith Hudson told hundreds of worshippers: “You know how to make the Jew jealous? Have some money, honey. “You go to LA and they own all the Rolex and diamond places. Walk down a part of LA where we live and it is so rich it smells. You ever smell rich? They are all Jews, hallelujah. Amen.” His sick blast came in a sermon where he also spoke about pop singer Katy, 27. He said: “People say ‘How is it you have a daughter raised in the church and she sang ‘I kissed a girl and liked it’? I say ‘I don’t know’.” Keith and wife Mary, both 63, gave their first services at Church on the Rise in Westlake, Ohio, since Katy and Russell Brand, 36, announced their divorce. Later there was a collection for the Hudsons. Keith added: “We live by the Gospel, not off anyone else, even though you may say ‘You are the parents of Katy Perry, you must be rich.’ No, she is, I am not, hallelujah.”

I was going to count the contradictions in Keith Hudson’s sermons, but instead I counted how many times he mentions or shows his whipped cream-tittied daughter in this promo video. Not including the title (“Keith Hudson – Father of Katy Perry – LIVE at FaithWorld THIS WEEK!”), he and his wife mention or show Katy Perry once for each of the Bible’s deadly sins. I could care less about hate speech (because it’s a component of free speech), but his is just boring and unoriginal. At least Mel Gibson gave the world “sugartits.”

Christian-when-convenient divorcee Katy Perry‘s parents, Keith and Mary Hudson, are capitalizing on their daughter’s split from Russell Brand to get people to donate to their collection plates. Per TMZ: Perry’s…

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Leonardo DiCaprio Is Playing With Erin Heatherton’s MindBy toddJanuary 06, 2012

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Erin Heatherton must still be on the fence about anal, because Leonardo DiCaprio has pulled the classic “you want to meet my mother?” He’s so in there! New York Post reports:

Leonardo DiCaprio and Victoria’s Secret model Erin Heatherton can’t keep their hands off each other. “It is nonstop PDA,” a source said of their hot-and-heavy relationship. DiCaprio introduced Heatherton to his mother, Irmelin, over a well-behaved New Year’s Day brunch at the Four Seasons Hotel in Los Angeles. “The meeting went well, and Mom and Erin were seen laughing,” our source said. Leo is very close to his mom, whose approval is key to his relationships.

The last time we saw Erin Heatherton, she was spending $1,700 in lingerie just so she could get on Leo’s plane, now she’s probably masturbating to Titanic right after she called all her friends and told them to save the date because her and Leo are getting married soon and omg we’re going to Maldives guys and then we’ll have two kids one boy and one girl and I’ll dress them up and we’ll have two dogs and a cat or two cats and a dog but I don’t know because Leo loves polar bears so we may get one of those or a bird and what color should the nursery be blue I’m thinking blue no pink oh and my last name will be DiCaprio and I’ll be a great mother and great wife because Leo introduced me to his mother and I can totally tell she loves me oh god I think my ovaries just dropped leo leo leo married leo leo leo pregnant leo. “Hey, when does this chick turn 25 again? Three years? Let’s save that date instead.” – Leonardo DiCaprio

To understand the true mentality of us men, start at 7:07:

Erin Heatherton must still be on the fence about anal, because Leonardo DiCaprio has pulled the classic “you want to meet my mother?” He’s so in there! New York Post…

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Adele Went On Vacation With Her New BoyfriendBy toddJanuary 06, 2012

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So I guess we can expect 23 some timesoon then? Page Six reports:

Adele and Simon Konecki were spotted in the Everglades National Park, getting on an airboat for an alligator-spotting tour. Adele wore a printed caftan over black leggings and had a smile across her face as Konecki, in a red hoodie, embraced her. Konecki then pulled the “Rolling in the Deep” singer in for a kiss.

I bet he’s really handsome.

Konecki, 36, operates an English charity called Drop4Drop. He is stocky and sports a full beard. But it may be his sense of humor that drew Adele to him. In a recent interview with trade publication The Grocer, Konecki was asked which celebrity he would hire to work for his company. “Snoop Dogg,” replied Konecki. “To answer the phones with his dulcet tones.” He is a dead ringer for hairy Hangover actor Zach Galifianakis — who Adele told The Sun she fancied last year. Simon, 36 — boss of Brighton-based charity Drop4Drop — joined Londoner Adele on a trip to the Everglades National Park near Miami. He made her giggle as they strolled on a beach before boarding an alligator-spotting airboat. So it’s no wonder she snapped him up. Adele, whose split from a previous boyfriend inspired her biggest hits, also told The Sun: “If they make me laugh, I’m in the bed.” (ed.’s note: Ladies?)

I like how the article thinly suggests that Adele’s boyfriend is ugly and fat yet she only condescended to go out with him because he makes her laugh. Yep, that’s the only reason. She could have her pick of male models or A-list actors, but she just wants the guy who makes her laugh. Totally. It couldn’t have anything do with the fact that they probably just closed down a Cracker Barrel together before they got on the airboat. Let’s not get carried away here, New York Post.

Note: Also, there’s really no need to include the phrase “Adele wore black leggings” in any more of your articles. That part was already assumed.

So I guess we can expect 23 some timesoon then? Page Six reports: Adele and Simon Konecki were spotted in the Everglades National Park, getting on an airboat for an…

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Lisa Lampanelli Is MadBy jessJanuary 06, 2012

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Lisa Lampanelli is mad at NBC for giving her shitty Knicks tickets. For free. TMZ reports:

Lisa Lampanelli is demanding a “BIG F**KING APOLOGY” from NBC … claiming the network completely disrespected her at the NY Knicks game last night … in front of thousands of people. Lisa — who was just announced as a contestant on the upcoming “Celebrity Apprentice” — had just completed a hardcore day of promoting the show … when she WENT OFF on the peacock. Lampanelli says she was invited to Madison Square Garden along with two of her co-stars — former Miss Universe Dayana Mendoza and “Real Housewives” star Teresa Giudice. But when they got the tickets, Lisa says Dayana and Teresa were placed in the front row … while Lisa was forced to sit all the way in the back. Obviously, Lisa was PISSED.“I said, REALLY?? Well, guess what NBC … you owe me a big f**king apology.” She unloaded, “You think anyone is watching that ‘Celebrity Apprentice’ for anybody except me and a couple other people who really keep the ball rolling?”
“I’ll expect my gift basket with your apology and some GOOD Knicks tickets tomorrow .. ’cause I killed myself for you for 18 hours today.” And the worst part of all … the front row seat next to Teresa and Dayana was EMPTY!!!

I couldn’t tell at first what annoyed me most about this story. It wasn’t the fact that she took it so personally because there’s no possible way that a clerical error may have occurred that separated Lisa Lampanelli’s ticket from her costars, and no chance whatsoever that the seat may have been reserved for someone else who happened to not show up. Then I considered the overwhelming sense of entitlement it takes to complain about a freebie. But I finally realized the dumbest part of this whole thing isn’t that Lisa Lampanelli thinks she deserves free courtside tickets, or even that she thinks she’s the reason that anyone watches Celebrity Apprentice. It’s the idea that anyone watches Celebrity Apprentice at all.

Lisa Lampanelli is mad at NBC for giving her shitty Knicks tickets. For free. TMZ reports: Lisa Lampanelli is demanding a “BIG F**KING APOLOGY” from NBC … claiming the network…
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Linka del ReyBy jessJanuary 05, 2012

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Adrianne Curry is naked [Taxidriver Movie]
Jessica Simpson is a dreamer [The Superficial]
Miranda Kerr is predictable [Popoholic]
LeAnn Rimes in a bikini [Celebitchy]
Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t see the irony [The Blemish]
Ella Richie topless [Zoo Today]
Stacey Palmisano looks really smart [Coed Magazine]
Paris Hilton is amazed by push up bras [Cityrag]
Let’s watch Taylor Swift die! [Dlisted]
Drew Barrymore is engaged [I’m Not Obsessed]
The biggest box office flops of 2011 [Moe Jackson]
Russell Brand is accurate [Popbytes]
Joanna Krupa and her sister [Egotastic]
Christina Aguilera isn’t Photoshopped on new cover art [Allie Is Wired]
Why women date jerks (other than because they usually smell good) [The Chive]
Kanye West is insane [Popcrush]
Fergie wants to multiply [Popcrush]
Justin Bieber thinks he’s Puerto Rican [A Socialite’s Life]
Aren’t the Kardashians already plastic and tiny? [Amy Grindhouse]
How does this happen? [Tabloid Prodigy]
Best poem ever written? If it were about Raphael, maybe [Best Week Ever]
Jake Gyllenhaal has a new beard [Huffington Post]
Katrina Bowden in Maxim [Hollywood Tuna]
Adriana Lima in bikinis on video [Celebuzz]
Alessandra Ambrosio was pregnant here [Celebslam]
Beyonce and Jay-Z‘s marriage got some guy stabbed [Evil Beet]

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Adrianne Curry is naked [Taxidriver Movie] Jessica Simpson is a dreamer [The Superficial] Miranda Kerr is predictable [Popoholic] LeAnn Rimes in a bikini [Celebitchy] Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t see the irony…

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Jeremy Renner Got Attacked In Thailand, Somebody Else Got Hit With An AxeBy toddJanuary 05, 2012

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Actor Jeremy Renner was in a barfight in Phuket, Thailand where one dude got stabbed in the stomach and another dude didn’t follow Wu-Tang’s advice to protect ya neck, so he got slashed with a goddamn roto axe. He’s now in serious condition. TMZ reports:

Thai authorities say Jeremy and his party had been bar hopping and ended up at the club where the violence broke out at 4:30 AM, after hours. One of the men in Jeremy’s party — Vorasit Issara, the General Manager of the Siri Panwa Resort — dropped a glass on the floor and apparently that started the melee. Six men — who apparently worked at the bar — then allegedly attacked Jeremy, Vorasit and the others in their party. In addition to being stabbed in the neck, Vorasit was stabbed in the stomach with a knife. One source claims Vorasit was drinking and was in a heated argument with the bar staff immediately before the attack. The six men who attacked Jeremy’s group were arrested. Jeremy suffered minor injuries.

Jesus Christ. The Hangover II told me that if I went to Thailand all I had to worry about was pickpocket monkeys and getting ass raped by a tranny, not getting attacked by natives with medieval weaponry after I drop a glass in a bar. I want to go to Thailand and chill on the beach with something that’s frozen with alcohol in it, not worry about going through customs because I tried to smuggle in chainmail.

Actor Jeremy Renner was in a barfight in Phuket, Thailand where one dude got stabbed in the stomach and another dude didn’t follow Wu-Tang’s advice to protect ya neck, so…

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Marc Anthony Is Up In This NowBy toddJanuary 05, 2012

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UPGRADE. Radar Online reports:

Marc Anthony is taking a page right out of his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s book, hooking up with a 24-year-old hottie, and RadarOnline.com has the photo of him with his gorgeous new girl. Jennifer Lopez’s ex posted a picture of him kissing sexy Venezuelan model Shannon de Lima on his Facebook page, and the two have been Tweeting up a love storm to each other. Marc wrote in Spanish to Shannon “To my @Shadelima my statue of liberty. Kisses, baby.”

Marc Anthony looks like the mummified corpse of Marc Anthony, but he’s a rich, famous, salsa singer or something who has a line of velvet blazers at Kohl’s, so he gets to bang 24-year old Venezuelan model pussy. While that 24-year old Mexican dancer dude named Casper is banging Marc Anthony’s 42-year old leftovers whose panties get wet for Fiat unless she actually has to drive one in the Bronx. What a touching love story all this turned out to be.

UPGRADE. Radar Online reports: Marc Anthony is taking a page right out of his soon-to-be-ex-wife’s book, hooking up with a 24-year-old hottie, and RadarOnline.com has the photo of him with…

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Danielle Sharp Is New HereBy jessJanuary 05, 2012

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I’ve consumed enough cough syrup in the past two days to drink Lil Wayne under the table, so it’s been clouding my thoughts and making things like correcting Todd’s spelling of “Russell” take longer than usual. To compensate, here’s some NSFW shots of some British chick named Danielle Sharp who looks like she needs a bra fitting. Seriously, that looks really uncomfortable.

I’ve consumed enough cough syrup in the past two days to drink Lil Wayne under the table, so it’s been clouding my thoughts and making things like correcting Todd’s spelling…

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