Kim Davis’ GMA Interview Went GreatBy toddSeptember 22, 2015
Kim Davis’ GMA Interview Went Great


“LOOK HOW FILLED WITH CHRIST”S LOVE WE ARE!!”


On her publicity tour for her eventual book deal that will profit off people who believe in fake heaven tourism guides, Kim Davis appeared on Good Morning America today, and it went about as you would expect. Long story short, she’s cool with not doing her job and collecting a government paycheck even though laws deemed unconstitutional by said government don’t matter because Jesus. When told that a gay couple said they “felt human” after receiving their marriage license, she talks about the Constitution. Apparently cherry-picking isn’t limited to the Bible. Back to what I said before, Kim Davis doesn’t recognize the Supreme Court’s decision that gays have the right to marry (because Jesus again), but she says the marriage licenses that have been issued aren’t valid because she’s the government and she didn’t sign off on them. Are you following along? I know, the mental gymnastics are little messy when you can’t seem to stick the landing. Oh, and she says she’s not hypocrite, because remember in her statement, she said she “converted to Christianity” only four years ago, so her four marriages and getting pregnant by another dude while she was married shouldn’t count (again because Jesus). But by “converted”, she means she was a Baptist before she became a Christian because I guess Baptists aren’t Christians or something even though they share the same used textbook. Whew. Glad we cleared that up. Meanwhile, the political party who is supporting her now says that religion should stay out of politics. I think they mean the kind that doesn’t get you money and votes. I might have to consult the Bible to double check. I’ pretty it’s in the same chapter where Jesus was preaching out the benefits of subprime loans and the evils of the carbon tax. 


 

“LOOK HOW FILLED WITH CHRIST”S LOVE WE ARE!!” On her publicity tour for her eventual book deal that will profit off people who believe in fake heaven tourism guides, Kim…

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Yanet Garcia Has Been Documented In NYCBy toddJuly 27, 2015

Donald Trump is leading all Republican nominees, because his message of hating Mexicans resonates with millions of Republicans. But most of those people can’t afford Internet and meth at the same time, so they’ve probably never seen Yanet Garcia. So if you haven’t, this is what her ass looks like in a dress. This is what it looks like not in a dress (brace yourselves). I’m pretty sure this is why El Chapo escaped. 

Donald Trump is leading all Republican nominees, because his message of hating Mexicans resonates with millions of Republicans. But most of those people can’t afford Internet and meth at the…

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KONG SINGLE KONG NO LONGER HAVE BFBy toddSeptember 10, 2014
KONG SINGLE KONG NO LONGER HAVE BF

 

Kris Jenner checked her calendar and found out that Khloe Kardashian hasn’t had a news cycle in a while, so to fix that, she leaked an EXCLUSIVE story to Us Weekly to let the world now that Khloe is now “on a break” from her boyfriend of 8 months, rapper French Montana. Since Kris Jenner is controlling the story and flow of information, let’s find out what probably didn’t happen! YAY!

Sometimes a girl just needs her space. Eight months after she started dating French Montana, Khloe Kardashian has said au revoir to the “Cocaine Mafia” rapper, sources reveal exclusively in the new issue of Us Weekly. “They are on a break,” one source tells Us. “The relationship got too heavy and Khloe needed to take a step back.” Another insider says the Moroccan-born musician, 29, was too “needy” for the reality star, 30. “It grated on her that he became so dependent on her,” the pal tells Us.

In the dating scene, being a 30-year old, 7 foot tall, half-human hybrid can be tough. Especially in LA. Lots of competition out there. Hope she pulls through and takes some time for her/his/itself. Maybe he/she/it can like, dip some bamboo in Nutella or something.

  Kris Jenner checked her calendar and found out that Khloe Kardashian hasn’t had a news cycle in a while, so to fix that, she leaked an EXCLUSIVE story to…
Sit Down GrandmaBy toddFebruary 18, 2010

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Pamela Anderson modeled comically gay fashion designer Richie Rich’s crap again this year, and boy was it sexy. Because nothing gets me turned on like a 42-year old with Hep C and a vagina that looks like the eye of Sauron. Ooh, la la!

Pamela Anderson modeled comically gay fashion designer Richie Rich’s crap again this year, and boy was it sexy. Because nothing gets me turned on like a 42-year old with Hep…

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She’s Laughing At YouBy toddFebruary 18, 2010

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I’m gonna try to say this in the nicest way possible, but if Christina Hendricks didn’t look like she could breastfeed Grendel she would probably be hoping to get a call from Lane Bryant and giving head to play a dead body on CSI: Greensboro. And the last one might not work, because she’s pale and has fangs. I get the feeling if she went down on me she’d bring out a bottle of hot sauce at some point.

I’m gonna try to say this in the nicest way possible, but if Christina Hendricks didn’t look like she could breastfeed Grendel she would probably be hoping to get a…

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Lindsay Strutt Is New HereBy toddFebruary 18, 2010

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Sorry about yesterday, but apparently my intestines wanted to get some fresh air, so to make it up to you, here’s Lindsay Strutt doing what comes naturally. I don’t know if you can tell what that is yet. I would say more, but I don’t want to ruin the surprise!

Sorry about yesterday, but apparently my intestines wanted to get some fresh air, so to make it up to you, here’s Lindsay Strutt doing what comes naturally. I don’t know…

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Megan Fox Is Insecure, Hates WomenBy toddFebruary 16, 2010

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Megan Fox is on the cover of the March issue of W magazine, so that means they had to interview her. And as we know, Megan Fox + tape recorder = rambling psychosis.
Us Magazine
reports:

“There are some women you could put in underwear and photograph them, and it looks really classy and it doesn’t necessarily provoke a pinup image,” the actress, 23, tells the March issue of W magazine. “But with me, it does, immediately. As soon as I’m in underwear, I’m a Vargas girl,” adds Fox, referring to the curvy women featured in ads from the 1940s. Fox says she has “no confidence, and because of that, I’m always second-guessing myself.” She also doesn’t have a lot of famous friends (besides beau Brian Austin Green, whom she’s been dating on and off since 2004).”I especially don’t trust girls in this industry, because it’s incredibly competitive, and I’m just not interested,” she tells the magazine.

I wanna plow Megan Fox’s anus like Britney Spears in an overturned McDonald’s truck, but that’s pretty much it. I’d rather have a bear trap on my head than listen to her talk for five minutes, but luckily for me, that’s pretty much all the time I’ll need. Who are we kidding? The condom will even be giving me a look of disappointment.

Megan Fox is on the cover of the March issue of W magazine, so that means they had to interview her. And as we know, Megan Fox + tape recorder…

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Katy Perry Is A LadyBy toddFebruary 16, 2010

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I want to paint Katy Perry’s cervix as much as the next guy, but where is the romance? Where is the seduction? I prefer taking our time, getting to know each other through heartfelt communication and growing over time into mutual respect and understanding. God, what am I to you Katy?! A piece of meat?!

Attention whiners: Sorry, about the censor on the banner pic. Most of the people who read this site have jobs that may frown upon a big pair of panties on their employee’s monitor. Sorry I had to make you click once to see it. I’m a terrible person.

I want to paint Katy Perry’s cervix as much as the next guy, but where is the romance? Where is the seduction? I prefer taking our time, getting to know…

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Christina Hendricks’ Rack And LinksBy toddFebruary 15, 2010

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Singer Chyna Phillips is in rehab. If she can hoooollld on for one more day, things will go her way-ay (Sorry, had to) [Popeater]
Nina Dobrev is hot [Popoholic]
Paris Hilton shows her panties. No thanks. [TaxiDriver Movie]
Lucy Lawless nude in Spartacus [Egotastic]
Anti-terrorism honor system [College Humor]
Tailor James is….goddamn. [COED Magazine]
Heidi Montag has massive tits [Celebslam]
Peg-leg bitch Heather Mills blew through her $50M divorce settlement in 22 months [Cele|bitchy]
20 Celebrities tatted up [Cityrag]
Coco’s Twitter should just be a porn site [Heyman Hustle]

Singer Chyna Phillips is in rehab. If she can hoooollld on for one more day, things will go her way-ay (Sorry, had to) [Popeater] Nina Dobrev is hot [Popoholic] Paris…

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Simon Monjack Is A Master CriminalBy toddFebruary 15, 2010

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Nearly a month after Brittany Murphy’s untimely death, her husband, Simon Monjack, attempted to file a wrongful death suit against Warner Bros. (which he turned into an opportunity to plug his photography website) and set up a non-profit charitable foundation where fans could “donate” money. Except Monjack was trying to make a profit. Oh, that Simon! He’s such a trickster! TMZ reports:

TMZ broke the story that the foundation — run by Brittany Murphy’s husband, Simon Monjack and mother, Sharon Murphy — hadn’t filed the necessary documents to qualify as a charity or nonprofit group. As soon as we called the foundation for comment, the website immediately shut down. But late Sunday the website resurfaced with a message: It would return all the donations “until we have our non-profit status approved before proceeding to insure that we can truly honor Brittany’s charitable desires.” The website is no longer taking donations and now holds itself out as a private foundation which awaits 501(c)3 non-profit status.

Simon Monjack has a British accent anyway, so he already sounds like he’s a crew member on the Death Star or trying to kill Harry Potter, so of course he’s evil. I’m not sure what the punishment is for trying to set up a fake money grab when your dead wife isn’t even cold yet is, but if it involves flaming arrows in his balls, I’d be pretty okay with that.

Banner pic credit: TMZ

Nearly a month after Brittany Murphy’s untimely death, her husband, Simon Monjack, attempted to file a wrongful death suit against Warner Bros. (which he turned into an opportunity to plug…

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