As if the world wasn’t suffering enough after the terrorist attack in Nice (you’ll never guess which religion!), Katy Perry dropped, “Rise“, her first new track since 2013. It’s supposed to be playing all over NBC’s coverage of the Rio Olympics, because what better soundtrack for athletes competing for the gold in an open sewer than Katy Perry. Anyway, here’s the lyrics to this bullshit:
Sad news to report: Ariel Winter looked like this yesterday. Let’s take a moment to remember happier times like this. Or this. And specifically this. And more importantly this. Let’s also not forget this. It’s important. Am I body shaming? I don’t know, maybe it’s more make up shaming or selfie light shaming? Who’s to say. Either way this is a dark day, friends. And for some reason WENN tells me these pictures can’t be published in Australia. What’s that about? Maybe people will think she’s a koala who figured out how to use a phone and drive a car. The government might not want that kind of panic in the streets.
Anybody up for seeing two pieces of toast have sex?
Chris Brown is renting a 8,000 square foot, 6 bedroom house in San Fernando Valley, and one of his neighbors who jacks off to the 2A already wants to shoot him.
“It can be the devil. I can care less. I don’t care if they’re having orgies. It can even be Saddam Hussein for all I care, as long as he doesn’t trespass onto my property. If he does, I shoot him.”
Usually the only white people who fire shots at Chris Brown are named Jenny and she does it on Twitter, but if I was Chris Brown, this would be the only one I’d worry about. The one thing about gun nuts are they can’t fucking wait to display the star spangled awesome power of their Jesus-given right to defend themselves by looking for any excuse to defend themselves against the perceived threats in their delusional and paranoid minds. Of course it’s legal to shoot a trespasser if that person intends to cause you bodily harm or murder you, but to a person who spends a lot of money on guns and spends a lot of time talking about guns, a random drunk guy stumbling onto your property by accident is reason for DEFCON 1. No point in having a gun if you can’t shoot it at the slightest sight of someone loosely violating a law. I know, I know. You have guns in your house because the government might one day come in and try to take all your rights away, so you have to….oops, sorry your house and everything in it just got blown up by a drone. Tell me more about the stopping power of your .45 again. Really? Is that so? Cool, cool.
Every NBA player who dates a Kardashian/Jenner instantly joins the Dallas Mavericks, so when the Houston Rockets declined to match the Mavericks’ offer sheet 19 days ago, that should have been our first hint that Chandler Parsons (this guy) he might be keeping his kock in Kendall.
The 18-year-old model and NBA hottie Chandler Parsons sparked romance rumors over the weekend after the two were spotted getting flirty at STK restaurant in Los Angeles on Friday. The reported couple was joined by Kendall’s sister Kylie Jenner, as well as sports agent Dan Frank and a female friend of the Jenner sisters. According to an eyewitness, the siblings arrived about 30 minutes after Chandler and his agent before the group all sat down at the same table together. Kendall and Chandler had “immediate chemistry,” the source tells E! News. “She [Kendall] was laughing, smiling and they seemed to be having great conversation with each other.” The eyewitness adds that Kendall and Chandler “were chatting and flirting” throughout their meal..
E! News broke this story, and that’s just a fancy way of saying Kris Jenner called them and told them to print it, but she’s proceeding with caution. On one hand, Chandler Parsons is a 25-year old budding All-Star who just signed a 3-year $46M deal. On the other hand, he’s white.
Hey, remember Freddie Prinze, Jr. from that one thing in the 90s. And that other thing? Apparently he has some beef with Kiefer Sutherland. Not the grass fed kind.
“Kiefer was the most unprofessional dude in the world. That’s not me talking trash, I’d say it to his face, I think everyone that’s worked with him has said that,” Prinze told ABC News. “I went and worked for Vince McMahon at the WWE for Christ’s sake and it was a crazier job than working with Kiefer,” Prinze told ABC News. “But, at least he was cool and tall. I didn’t have to take my shoes off to do scenes with him, which they made me do. Just put the guy on an apple box or don’t hire me next time. You know I’m 6 feet and he’s 5’4.”
Big words from a dude who spells his name with an “ie” at the end, so you’re probably wondering how anybody could say this about Jack Bauer, but please realize that in real life, Jack Bauer is a sloppy, entitled drunk who everybody hates dealing with more than Charlize Theron.
Sources connected with Freddie tell TMZ … the actor claims Kiefer would regularly show up on set drunk … sitting in his trailer often for hours, as everyone waited. The sources say it messed with the lives of the family of cast and crew. Freddie, we’re told, claims Kiefer was temperamental and got people fired he didn’t like, yet “24” producers consistently cow-towed to him … as one source put it, “All they did was keep rewarding him.”
My mind associates Freddie Prinze, Jr. with Jennifer Love Hewitt’s rack and Sarah Michelle Gellar’s ass in I Know What You Did Last Summer. Both of which I saw in person while they were filming down the street from my mom’s beach house in Southport. I don’t know what that has to do with this story, but keep in mind this story is about Freddie Prinze, Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland. Not too many ways to make that type of thing interesting.