Here’s A Bunch Of Pictures Of Maria Menounos And Her ButtBy toddJanuary 10, 2014

I'm not going to lie to you, I have no idea nor do I really care what the Variety Breakthrough Of The Year Awards are, but apparently they have them every year, and this year, Maria Menounos showed up in this dress and omg dat ass. Sorry, did that sound like I was objectifying her? Good, because I totally was just then. Because we're all looking at the same pictures here. Specifically, pictures of said dat ass. Jesus talked about it in the Bible once. For real, look it up. "Damn, son. Booty had me like..," Jesus was quoted as saying.

I'm not going to lie to you, I have no idea nor do I really care what the Variety Breakthrough Of The Year Awards are, but apparently they have them…

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Too Many Lies To Keep Up WithBy toddMay 19, 2010

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When you’re coked out of your damn mind every waking moment with your enabling mother holding your hand, you tend to think people will need Hoggle to get through the labryinth of your brilliant schemes. But just so you’re clear, no, no we don’t.

“I’m exhausted. I’ve been up for the last 24 hours with Lindsay and her attorneys dealing with this, Dina Lohan told RadarOnline.com. “It is true that her passport was stolen. “This was not a planned scheme. We are actively dealing with the French Embassy as we speak but unfortunately they close at a certain hour so we’re trying to get someone in a higher echelon to help us.”

Man, maybe they should tell the French Embassy about this.

Lindsay Lohan has not requested a new passport and may be stuck in France for a little while longer, RadarOnline.com has exclusively confirmed. Maryse Nebatti, the Duty Officer in Marseille for the U.S. Embassy in France, told RadarOnline.com that Lindsay reported the passport stolen but “has not requested a new passport.”

Jesus. Is this even funny anymore? I swear to God, if Lindsay isn’t greeted at LAX by the judge riding a puma that breathes fire I might have to say something really mean about her. Then, you know, go about the rest of my day.

When you’re coked out of your damn mind every waking moment with your enabling mother holding your hand, you tend to think people will need Hoggle to get through the…

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“It Was My Decision to Leave Transformers”By toddMay 19, 2010

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Reports came out today that Megan Fox was dropped from Transformers 3 because director Michael Bay wanted to “move in a direction”. Translation: He was sick of her shit. We can go back and forth all day about his filmmaking skills, but he made her a star and she took every opportunity to shit all over the movie and everyone involved hated her. So naturally, she says it was her decision to leave.

Megan Fox is seeking to transform rumor to fact. The actress is slamming speculation she was booted from the third installment of the Transformers action film franchise. “Megan Fox will not be starring in Transformers 3,” reps for the actress, 24, tell PEOPLE. “It was her decision not to return. She wishes the franchise the best.”

To be fair, her job was to stand there and look pretty and be conscious enough to look scared in front of a green screen. In her delusional mind, she’s a serious actress, and in her defense, it is a movie about talking robots. Also in her defense, my penis. He’s not the most objective thing you’ll ever meet.

Reports came out today that Megan Fox was dropped from Transformers 3 because director Michael Bay wanted to “move in a direction”. Translation: He was sick of her shit. We…

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Sarah Jessica Parker Is RightBy toddMay 18, 2010

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I assume it’s hard to be self-aware when you look like a petrified mummy yet are constantly praised by lonely, bitter women everywhere as a “unique beauty” and a fashion icon because you can afford to pay a stylist, but Sarah Jessica Parker seems to understand. E! reports:

Sex and the City has never shied away from showing skin—especially breasts. But don’t ask Sarah Jessica Parker to join in on the nakedness…”You don’t want to see me topless,” Parker, 45, told me with a laugh from New York City, where she’s been promoting Sex and the City 2. “You really don’t.”

When you star in a movie about four oversexed cougars and Charlotte Davis is supposed to be the “hot” one, you might want to ask the bartender to make your Metamucil a double then reflect on your life. The cast looks like something Indiana Jones has to fight to get something that belongs in a museum. If you saw this banner picture walking toward you in real life, you have to double check to make sure you weren’t in the Monroeville Mall.

I assume it’s hard to be self-aware when you look like a petrified mummy yet are constantly praised by lonely, bitter women everywhere as a “unique beauty” and a fashion…

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