Denis Villeneuve Is Directing The ‘Dune’ Reboot. Christ AlmightyBy toddDecember 22, 2016
Denis Villeneuve Is Directing The ‘Dune’ Reboot. Christ Almighty

 

Denis Villeneuve is directing the Dune reboot. Like, I know I just said that, but I’m little mixed up because all the blood has rushed to my penis.

The Blade Runner 2049 director is in talks to helm the Dune reboot for Legendary. The production company picked up the film and television rights to Frank Herbert’s classic science-fiction novel last month.  Dune, which traverses themes of politics, religion and nature, follows Paul Atreides, whose family controls the desert planet Arrakis, which is the only producer of a highly valuable resource, spice melange. When Paul and his family are betrayed, he leads a rebellion to regain control of the desert planet.  David Lynch directed the 1984 adaptation of the 1965 novel. The $40 million film, which ultimately grossed $30 million and was a critical failure, has over the years become a cult favorite.

It helps when you have Roger Deakins, but Prisoners. Enemy. Sicario. Arrival. Denis Villeneuve has been dropping absolute fire since 2013 with movies that have one word titles. And Blade Runner 2049 already looks badass. Basically, the man knows what he’s doing. DC and Warner Bros. should give him a call once they figure how to make Zack Snyder’s death look like an accident. Also, calling it now: Jake Gyllenhaal will be playing Paul Atreides.

  Denis Villeneuve is directing the Dune reboot. Like, I know I just said that, but I’m little mixed up because all the blood has rushed to my penis. The Blade…
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Kanye’s Breakdown Is Apparently Kim Kardashian’s Fault Or Something NowBy toddNovember 23, 2016
Kanye’s Breakdown Is Apparently Kim Kardashian’s Fault Or Something Now

 

So after more information about Kanye West’s mental breakdown have surfaced, it’s not really funny anymore.  I mean, it still kinda is, because we’re all assholes, but at least his doctor had some foresight. There’s been a lot hot takes about this whole situation, but People might have the stupidest one. PSA: rant after the blockquote.

“Kim has had a very rough time since the robbery,” says a source close to the reality star, 36, who has been keeping a consciously low-profile lifestyle since early October. “It hasn’t helped that Kanye has been touring. Their lives have been quite chaotic. It’s been very trying for them both and not a good recipe for a happy marriage.” Before the robbery, the source says, “Kim [was] usually the more stable and strong person in the marriage. Kanye is used to leaning on her. Since Kim has had her own issues to deal with, the roles have been reversed. Kanye has had to stay strong to support Kim, and it’s like he can’t handle it anymore.” The source adds that the 39-year-old Grammy winner, who stands to lose millions after he canceled 21 dates on his Saint Pablo tour, “is totally wiped out from touring and just can’t handle it emotionally.” And with his wife and support system taking a step back in order to overcome her recent trauma, the source says, “It’s like Kanye is falling apart now, because Kim hasn’t been able to give him her full attention.”

So I didn’t really prepare myself to defend Justin Bieber and Kim Kardashian on the same day, but uhhh, what the hell is this? I’m sure we can find a lot of things to blame Kim Kardashian for, but not co-sleeping with Kanye and keeping her tit in his mouth while she recovers from being fucking held at gunpoint in a robbery probably shouldn’t be one of them. Kanye is a grown ass man and his mom already died. He doesn’t have another one.

 

I’ll take this time to give Khloe and Kourtney Kardashian the second-hand attention they deserve. Imagine trying to make dresses for Khloe.

 

  So after more information about Kanye West’s mental breakdown have surfaced, it’s not really funny anymore.  I mean, it still kinda is, because we’re all assholes, but at least…

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Ariel Winter Will Just Be All Titties NowBy toddAugust 17, 2016

Variety‘s Power Of Young Hollywood event was last night, and I assume Ariel Winter brought hers along. Her titties. She brought along her titties. Those are her power. Not so much the ass. It makes her hard to figure out. Like, you look at pic #1 and text her at 2am, then you’d look at pic #16 and want to cast a protection a spell in case she steals your breath in the night. 

Variety‘s Power Of Young Hollywood event was last night, and I assume Ariel Winter brought hers along. Her titties. She brought along her titties. Those are her power. Not so…

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Jared Leto Feels “Tricked” By ‘Suicide Squad’By toddAugust 17, 2016
Jared Leto Feels “Tricked” By ‘Suicide Squad’


Suicide Squad sucks. Accept it and move on. Some of the criticism stems from the fact that the theatrical release of the movie made Jared Leto‘s The Joker pretty much an unnecessary character and a needed lie for the trailer. He’s also been getting shit for going method, but during a Q&A session at “Camp Mars“, Leto 

“He was very honest about the film this weekend; his disappointment in what he’s learned of the theatrical cut (he’s still not seen the film); feeling sort of tricked into being apart of something that had been pitched to him very differently; thinking it would’ve been more artistic than what it became; feeling overwhelmed by the hate regarding the look and choices… In one breath he would say he too “needs more joker”, but in the next it seems very unclear if he wants any part of the process going forward. However it was clear he feels very fragile still about everything that had happened just two weeks before – and had spent a lot of hours trying to come to terms with his work and compartmentalize just so he can move forward onto the next film project.”

Now, if you’ve seen Suicide Squad, then you know Jared Leto probably didn’t agree to do a two hour music video with forcibly inserted jokes about people who survive helicopter crashes for no reason. What he said this weekend is pretty much consistent with what he’s been saying all along, and if you feel like Googling, there’s a long list of descriptions of scenes available online that were cut from the movie. Which sucks. Because the movie could have been great. Trump will fix when elected. 


Suicide Squad sucks. Accept it and move on. Some of the criticism stems from the fact that the theatrical release of the movie made Jared Leto‘s The Joker pretty much…

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Here’s Elle Fanning In Yoga PantsBy toddAugust 17, 2016

Whatever happened to Dakota Fanning? She was weird. Maybe she died or something. Anyway, here’s her younger sister Elle Fanning in yoga pants going to a dance class in Hollywood. It doesn’t say what kind of dance class, so I’ll leave that up to you and whatever you’re in to right now. 

Whatever happened to Dakota Fanning? She was weird. Maybe she died or something. Anyway, here’s her younger sister Elle Fanning in yoga pants going to a dance class in Hollywood….

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Taylor Swift Wants To Buy Back Our LoveBy toddAugust 17, 2016
Taylor Swift Wants To Buy Back Our Love


Taylor Swift has been pretty quiet since, well, this whole thing, but she donated $1M to the Louisiana flood relief effort. Gary Johnson should mention this when he’s talking at the the television when he’s watching the debates. Here’s her statement. 

“We began The 1989 World Tour in Louisiana, and the wonderful fans there made us feel completely at home. The fact that so many people in Louisiana have been forced out of their own homes this week is heartbreaking. I encourage those who can to help out and send your love and prayers their way during this devastating time.”

Say what you will about Taylor Swift, but a million dollars is a million dollars. If it “rubs you the wrong way” that she made this donation publicly, you might want to refrain from telling people what to do with their own money. Then you should probably go fuck yourself. Or you can go anonymously donate the $10 you had left over from your check so you can feel morally superior. I’m sure the victims will appreciate the three bottles of water that will buy or whatever. Good looking out. 


[ banner pic = Instagram ]

Taylor Swift has been pretty quiet since, well, this whole thing, but she donated $1M to the Louisiana flood relief effort. Gary Johnson should mention this when he’s talking at the…

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Amber Heard Dropped Her Abuse Allegations Against Johnny Depp, SettledBy toddAugust 16, 2016
Amber Heard Dropped Her Abuse Allegations Against Johnny Depp, Settled


A day before their restraining order hearing, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp reached a divorce settlement, and Heard has withdrew her domestic violence restraining order petition. They also released the most confusing joint statement I’ve ever read. 

“Our relationship was intensely passionate and at times volatile, but always bound by love. Neither party has made false accusations for financial gains. There was never an intent of physical or emotional harm. Amber wishes the best for Johnny in the future. Amber will be donating financial proceeds from the divorce to a charity.”

Uh, okay then. I guess the charity will be happy with whatever change she has left.  But here’s the thing. On August 6th, Heard showed up to her deposition and refused to answer questions and reportedly threw a tantrum. On August 12th, Heard flaked on her deposition yet again because she was “unable to arrange a flight“. However, she could arrange for that Johnny Depp video to be leaked that same night. We can question the timing of that if you want. We can also point out if the video was gender-swapped, Johnny Depp looks like at least two of my ex girlfriends. Dude was clearly on something. Then, of course today, they reached a settlement before the actual hearing. Heard doesn’t seem to want to get anything on official record for some reason. So here’s what we’ve learned: Johnny Depp is a violent asshole who throws shit AND Amber Heard is a gold digger. I’ll be honest, I didn’t see that one coming. 

A day before their restraining order hearing, Amber Heard and Johnny Depp reached a divorce settlement, and Heard has withdrew her domestic violence restraining order petition. They also released the most…

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Courtney Stodden Seems Totally FineBy toddAugust 15, 2016

In May, Courtney Stodden announced she was pregnant. Then wanted us to know that she suffered from pregnant depression with five hashtags on Instagram. Then she said if she had a boy she would turn it gay because that’s how being gay works if you’re Courtney Stodden. I guess the baby read all this and decided this was narrative it didn’t ask to be part of, so last month Courtney Stodden announced she had a “miscarriage”. Flash forward to this weekend. Hey, people handle grief differently. Maybe she’ll announce she’s pregnant with Harambe’s frozen sperm next, since the last pregnancy did’t do much for her brand. 

In May, Courtney Stodden announced she was pregnant. Then wanted us to know that she suffered from pregnant depression with five hashtags on Instagram. Then she said if she had…

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Weekend Dump 08.14.2016By toddAugust 14, 2016
Weekend Dump 08.14.2016


Hey, people. How’s your weekend so far? Good, good. Ok, enough about you, here’s the latest Weekend Dump. The banner pic is of Katie Ledecky. Amanda Waller started a file on her on Friday. Maybe Thursday. The rest of the pics are of other people exponentially lesser talent. That’s why Scott Disick is last. Enjoy. See you cool kids tomorrow. 


Hey, people. How’s your weekend so far? Good, good. Ok, enough about you, here’s the latest Weekend Dump. The banner pic is of Katie Ledecky. Amanda Waller started a file…

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Drake Bet $60,000 On Golden StateBy toddJune 22, 2016
Drake Bet $60,000 On Golden State


“Why they passing to Varejo tho?”


Drake has been dumped by Rihanna twice, and since Rihanna’s vagina wants to suck Lebron James in like a Barbados sarlacc, Drake pretty much had to bet on the Golden State Warriors. He did. I hope he named the $60,000 “Good girl” since he lost it. Zing! Hahahaha good one, Todd.


 

Drake lost $60k on the Finals last night

A video posted by XXL (@xxl) on


Insufficient funds.


[ h/t XXL ]

“Why they passing to Varejo tho?” Drake has been dumped by Rihanna twice, and since Rihanna’s vagina wants to suck Lebron James in like a Barbados sarlacc, Drake pretty much…

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