Joaquin Phoenix Might Be Your New Lex LuthorBy toddDecember 20, 2013
Joaquin Phoenix Might Be Your New Lex Luthor

 

With Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck already cast as Superman and Batman, WB thought it might be a good idea to hire somebody who could act to play one the greatest villains in comic book history in Batman vs. Superman.  Enter Joaquin Phoenix as Lex Luthor. This is much better than my Bryan Cranston fantasy. Variety reports:

Sources tell Variety that the studio wants the Oscar-nominated actor for a role in the upcoming untitled Batman-Superman pic. However, it’s very early in the process and even if Warners offers Phoenix a role, it’s not clear he would accept as the actor has steered clear of big-budget pics in the past few years, leaning towards movies with a more prestige feel. Phoenix is also weighing an offer on the Gus Van Sant pic “Sea of Trees” and is believed to still be considering that offer as well. WB and the actor’s reps had no comment. Though sources couldn’t confirm what the role is, it’s believed to be for the main antagonist, which is likely to be Lex Luthor. Names like Jason Momoa and Callan Mulvey have been linked to the film but even if those actors are cast, sources are saying that they wouldn’t play the main villain, and that Warners has always wanted someone who would be a slam dunk in the role.

So, okay, I'm fully on board with this because even though his brother looked like an angel sent from heaven who also might have herpes and he looks like a candidate for Operation Smile, Joaquin Phoenix is the better actor. There. I said it. Just watch The Master then imagine that guy as Lex Luthor. He'd have to put Sriracha on the script because chewing up all those scenes would start to taste bland after a while.

  With Henry Cavill and Ben Affleck already cast as Superman and Batman, WB thought it might be a good idea to hire somebody who could act to play one…

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Good Morning, DoucheBy toddDecember 20, 2013

Look, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so if you want to complain about Justin Bieber looking like a lesbian in a pimp costume for Halloween being the first post of the day, feel free. Just know that after I curb stomp him, I'm coming after you next. Wow. I'm sorry, That was rude. I just had my first cup of coffee, so I apologize. How's your day going? Really? That's great. Haha your sister really said that? She's so funny. What's your travel plans for next week? Cool cool.

Look, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night, so if you want to complain about Justin Bieber looking like a lesbian in a pimp costume for Halloween being…

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Here’s The Trailer For ‘Thor: The Dark World’By toddApril 23, 2013

 

 

I thought the first Thor was kinda dumb. I mean, a dude with a hammer and Kat Dennings in a coat the whole time? I don't get it. Anyway, apparently they made another one, Thor: The Dark World. Where's that? Boston? The trailer has a lot more hammer, and Natalie Portman saying lines that loosely translate into, "I really needed to new infinity pool, so I agreed to be in this." Seriously, if you play the trailer backwards, you can hear her complaining about the hold music at the infinity pool place.

    I thought the first Thor was kinda dumb. I mean, a dude with a hammer and Kat Dennings in a coat the whole time? I don't get it….

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Mel Gibson Is Loving, Horribly RacistBy toddJuly 01, 2010

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If you’re watching the news this weekend and you hear that Mel Gibson was found dead stuck to a tree with a trident through his chest, try not to act too surprised.

In one of the most explosive, racist and vile outbursts by a celebrity ever caught on tape, Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her “raped by a pack of n***ers,” RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively…His outburst came during a series of explosive arguments with Oksana, mother of his infant daughter Lucia. They have been battling in court, with documents under seal, for the past several weeks. And there is more than one disgusting outburst from Mel. RadarOnline.com has listened to the hate-fuelled rants the Braveheart star unleashed during fights with Oksana as their relationship unraveled. “You’re an embarrassment to me,” Mel tells her at one point. “You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault.” Mel’s attorney told RadarOnline.com that he is no longer commenting on the case and said Mel’s publicist is the only Mel official who will speak for him. Mel’s profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a “whore” and “c**t”. In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: “How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice.” He warns, “I am going to come and burn the f**king house down… but you will blow me first.”

Christ. The only thing missing from this is the part where Mel Gibson digs up Martin Luther King, Jr. and dresses him in an SS uniform then gases an owner of a bagel stand.

If you’re watching the news this weekend and you hear that Mel Gibson was found dead stuck to a tree with a trident through his chest, try not to act…

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Chris Brown Used “Tear-Inducing Eye Drops”By toddJuly 01, 2010

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The world was moved to tears as woman beater Chris Brown took to the stage at the BET Awards to pay an emotional tribute to his idol, Michael Jackson. As it turns out, the world was the only one actually crying. Us Magazine says:

Before he took the stage to belt out “Man in the Mirror,” a backstage source tells Us one of Brown’s bodyguards gave the singer, 21, tear-inducing eye drops. Brown’s rep denies it, telling Us that Brown simply “was moved by the opportunity to pay tribute to his idol.” But the witness says Brown definitely used drops. Says the source, “He rubbed it in and he started crying.”

As the escort service will tell you, I’m a lover not a fighter, but how big of a piece of shit do you have to be to use fake tears and the death of another human being to get sympathy and album sales after you beat the shit out of your girlfriend? And most of the people defending this guy were women. What the fuck is going on here? Is this some kind of BET Lifetime movie? Anybody who sees this prick should crack his femur then hand him some eyedrops. Chances are he won’t need them.

The world was moved to tears as woman beater Chris Brown took to the stage at the BET Awards to pay an emotional tribute to his idol, Michael Jackson. As…

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Something Gaga Is Getting Me HotBy toddJanuary 04, 2010

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You might have a hard time believing this, but I get a lot of hate mail. Lately it’s been from insane Lady Gaga fans (sorry about the redundancy) trying to convince me that she’s hot. They believe that because in everyone of her songs she sings about how every guy wants to fuck her, so it must be true. Except no, no it’s not. So if you turned off Ryan Seacrest or stopped drawing butterfly clips on the unicorn’s hair in the margin of your Lady Gaga scrapbook to read this, please don’t blame me for her(?) being ugly. Blame God. Oh, and her dentist. Oh, and that escaped Bengal tiger from the zoo who attacked her tits. What an asshole that guy is.

Btw, no matter how hard you are right now, you can’t possibly be as hard as Lady Gaga is HERE. That guy can barely even believe it!

You might have a hard time believing this, but I get a lot of hate mail. Lately it’s been from insane Lady Gaga fans (sorry about the redundancy) trying to…

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I Give It Two WeeksBy toddJanuary 04, 2010

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Let’s not kid ourselves, Lindsay Lohan should have been found dead in a ditch then frozen and used as a DNA database for the FBI two years ago, but in 2010 she will be like the Phoenix and rise from the ashes of delusion and lunacy. She says on her official Twitter:

“2010 is about moving forward, not backwards. Leaving the bad (people, habbits [sic], and negative energy behind) time to make changes-right!?!? :)” Lohan, 23, tweeted from St. Barts, where she’s been spending time onboard Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich’s yacht. As Lohan vowed on her Twitter page, “Starting my new year off with friends&family, the way it should be….. No boyfriends and the other drama.” Lohan’s message threw cold water on recent reports that have romantically linked her to DJ Jus-Ske and model Adam Senn…Still, Lohan, won’t let the detractors get her. “To answer everybody’s question … My new years resolution is to stop letting the lucky few that have my heart, try2constantly tear me down,” she Tweeted. “Everyone get ready for more (but positive-LOHAN MAYHEM!!!!!!!!)”

Lindsay can’t go without coke or cock for five minutes, so there’s a good chance she’s passed out on a bathroom with her panties around her neck as I’m typing this. Because it’s always a good sign when you tweet about changing your lifestyle while the Russian billionaire in the next room is putting on the horse mold strap on while a Chinese kid in his underwear is lighting firecrackers.

Lindsay Lohan and her sister looking for UV rays and their ass in St. Barts:

Let’s not kid ourselves, Lindsay Lohan should have been found dead in a ditch then frozen and used as a DNA database for the FBI two years ago, but in…

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Melissa Satta Is BetterBy toddDecember 31, 2009

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Melissa Satta is a showgirl on the Italian TV show Striascia la notzia (Strip The News), but like everybody in the entire world today, she’s in Miami in a bikini. Which is good for me because skinny brunettes with perky tits is kinda my thing. Too bad I had to break up with Ashley Greene though. I mean, what was I supposed to do? I started throwin’ bass, she started throwin’ back mid-range, but when I sprung the question, she acted kind of strange.


Melissa Satta is a showgirl on the Italian TV show Striascia la notzia (Strip The News), but like everybody in the entire world today, she’s in Miami in a bikini….

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