Black Panther drops in 10 days, and it’s set to break Marvel box-office records unless the people who it was made for don’t bootleg it and try to sell me a copy on the MARTA. So let’s not do that. In the meantime, they had a premiere in Seoul last night and Lupita Nyong’o looked like a black angel. It’s cool because Koreans have probably never seen a black person up close.
So while everybody was speculating if Kylie Jenner was pregnant last week, she already had the thing. Per People:
It’s official: after months of secrecy surrounding her pregnancy, Kylie Jenner is a mom. The 20-year-old reality star and beauty mogul gave birth to a baby girl on Feb. 1, she confirmed on Instagram, Sunday. The little girl weighed in at 8 lbs., 9 oz. and arrived at 4:43 p.m. local time. The new arrival is the first child for Jenner and boyfriend Travis Scott.
For the Kardashians to keep something like this a secret for this long they really should start working for Trump. He could use this type of thing. Not sure if we’re gonna see any pics of the baby before it’s first surgery, because keep in mind the baby looks like Travis Scott and 2009 Kylie Jenner. Marvel could probably use it in a movie and save on special effects.
So while everybody was speculating if Kylie Jenner was pregnant last week, she already had the thing. Per People: It’s official: after months of secrecy surrounding her pregnancy, Kylie Jenner is…
Hey, guys! Here’s Prince Harry and Meghan Markle at a thing! Isn’t that wonderful?! The event is called ‘Endeavour Fund Awards’ Ceremony at Goldsmiths’ Hall or whatever made up thing this is! Nothing bad to say, just happy fun time! Aren’t they adorable, by gosh?! Please remember to like and share for our Facebook overlord masters! Everyone is happy here and nobody is objectified or faces even the slightest criticism! It’s great! This site is great now!
I’m not saying Stormy Daniels looks like the type of chick who would have an affair with a rich man then accept $130,000 to not talk about it then go on a late night talk show and talk about it to another man who is using her for ratings, but you gotta respect the hustle.
Hey, what’s up? Moving sucks. What did I miss? Some celebrity gossip, I bet. And Peyton Manning retired. And Nancy Reagan died. Bad weekend for people who liked those two things. Anyway, today’s Weekend Dump is brought to you by Bella Thorne twerking and some other people you may or may not know. Prepare yourself for a post bukkake party tomorrow. I owe you at least five in the face.
Eva Amurri got naked a bunch on Californication then flipped that into marrying a former professional soccer player, Kyle Martino, and now she spends her time being a mommy blogger. They had a Latin nanny. I say “had”, because the nanny tried to fuck her husband. Eva wrote a mommy blog about it. Here’s some of it.
The Nanny usually arrived at 9am (and stayed until 6pm). She knew that I was arriving home on Tuesday but didn’t know what time. An hour before she was supposed to arrive for the day, Kyle got a text message from her show up on his cell phone. It said: “OMG. Girl, did I mention to you how hot and sex my Boss is. I would love to fuck his brains out ha haah. Too bad he seems not to like thick Latin women with lots to hold on to LOL.”
Basically, the husband set the nanny up and recorded her or something to prove his innocence, then Eva wrote this really long, passive aggressive blog post about the whole experience. Eva Amurri also has huge tits. I’ve been waiting to mention that.
TL;DR I moved. The previous tenant was in collections with Comcast and decided to cut the outside cable line on their way out. It took Comcast two and half days and the assistance of an oracle and a map to figure that out. Also, there’s a coffee shop two blocks down the street, but that’s kinda irrelevant when your building maintenance man says he’ll be by to fix the thermostat “between 9 and 4”. Good times. Also, I have a really cool boss. Anyway, I’m alive. I couldn’t tell you before because I just got Internet an hour ago. So here’s Margot Robbie at the premiere of Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. I used the acronym version of that a lot since Monday. I’ll be here Saturday and Sunday for your reading pleasure/displeasure, so at least you have that to look forward to. I know you like that, baby.
TL;DR I moved. The previous tenant was in collections with Comcast and decided to cut the outside cable line on their way out. It took Comcast two and half days…
Remember when I used to post about Kate Upton pretty much everyday and didn’t know how pic galleries worked? What a time to be alive. I don’t anymore because she’s been effectively replaced by this, and because Kate had to settle for a millionaire instead of a billionaire as was her original plan, I’m assuming. Anyway, she wore this to the Vanity Fair Oscar Party to show off what we’ve all not been missing (hint: not her face).
As is the custom, here’s the Kate Upton video I used to put in every Kate Upton post, because why wouldn’t I? It just didn’t make sense not to.
I don’t know what it is with you people and Ashley Graham. You love it. Can’t get enough. On the other hand, the dress she wore to Vanity Fair Oscar Party had enough. What material is this? What planet was it made? You can see Ashley Graham topless here. This concludes my post on Ashley Graham. God bless.
Sidenote: Sorry about yesterday. I was moving. I’m moving again today. And Comcast apparently forgot 2016 was a leap year. I said March 1, motherfucker.