Audrina Patridge Is Very Good At ThisBy toddAugust 12, 2010

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Audrina Patridge’s tits always look like they’re fighting the magnetic reversal of the poles, and if you took her apart, nothing would look even remotely attractive. But when you put it all together it forms like fucking Voltron, defending the universe against the use of Cialis.

Audrina Patridge’s tits always look like they’re fighting the magnetic reversal of the poles, and if you took her apart, nothing would look even remotely attractive. But when you put…

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Christina Hendricks Does GQ UKBy toddAugust 12, 2010

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I’ve been waiting for the hi-res scans of Christina Hendricks in GQ UK for a week now, so imagine my surprise when I saw them today. Holy mother of God this chick has massive tits. I know I’ll be disappointed if she ever takes those things out of her bra, so if she could just pull her skirt up, that would be fantastic. What? What do you mean? Of course I know how to take a bra off. The girl has to give you the key then you…huh? Yeah, right. If there’s no key then how do you unl….oh, just leave me alone!!!

Note: Click either banner pic to see the full GQ UK shoot.

I’ve been waiting for the hi-res scans of Christina Hendricks in GQ UK for a week now, so imagine my surprise when I saw them today. Holy mother of God…

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Ashley Greene Is A GiverBy toddAugust 12, 2010

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More pics of Ashley Greene at Wet Republic Ultra Pool in Las Vegas hit, so since my penis wants to be the mayor of her vagina on foursquare, I’m kinda obligated to post them. I’m also obligated to tell you that I would suck her clitoris like it was just bitten by a poisonous snake. It’s some type of IDLYITW bi-law or something.

More pics of Ashley Greene at Wet Republic Ultra Pool in Las Vegas hit, so since my penis wants to be the mayor of her vagina on foursquare, I’m kinda…

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Montana Fishburne Was Arrested AgainBy toddAugust 12, 2010

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In the last weeks, fairy tale princess Montana Fishburne has won our hearts with her grace and demure, yet profound, statements on her thoughts and dreams. So when she broke into her boyfriend’s ex’s house and beat her senseless last February, she must have been under the spell of some evil witch! TMZ reports:

Montana was arrested last February after allegedly barging into the alleged victim’s home (the complaint does not give her name), forcing her into the bathroom and beating the crap out of her. We’re told the victim had “significant injuries.” The L.A. City Attorney’s Office has charged Fishburne with battery, and will be adding charges of false imprisonment and assault with a deadly weapon. Montana, who’s being repped by the effervescent Shawn Chapman Holley, has pled not guilty and the case is pending. Fishburne’s boyfriend, Jerome Greene, was also charged in the attack against his ex-girlfriend but already pled no contest to domestic battery. As for Montana — who is releasing her first sex tape through Vivid Entertainment — she has big problems. She was arrested last November for prostitution. Montana pled no contest to the lesser charge of criminal trespass and was placed on probation. The judge could use the pending case to violate her probation.

Man, a black prostitute who is psychotically violent? Whoa, excuse me if I find that hard to believe, sir. Most black women I know are a joy and a delight, especially when they’re in a position of authority or behind a counter. I often see them spending their days at the library or volunteering for their community watch programs, but engaging in lewd behavior and ridiculous and unwarranted violence for the sake of keeping it real? Oh now you’re just making up lies, my friend.

Note: Please be aware that the banner picture is Playboy Playmate Jessica Burciaga. She has nothing to do with this story except for the fact that I realized I was looking for pictures of Montana Fishburne’s ass and immediately stopped.

In the last weeks, fairy tale princess Montana Fishburne has won our hearts with her grace and demure, yet profound, statements on her thoughts and dreams. So when she broke…

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Jennifer Love Hewitt Is A Huge StarBy toddAugust 11, 2010

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Since she refused to show her tits for her entire career and now looks like she’s wearing barrel suspenders under her yoga pants, Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s old people show, The Ghost Whisperer, got canceled and if she tries to walk into a Hollywood studio she’s dragged to the ground with a shock collar and tasered. So now she spends her time being a 31-year old playing a prostitute on Lifetime and guest starring on Law & Order: Special Victims Unit. Here are the pictures from the upcoming episode. I guess she supposedly plays a schoolgirl that’s been held back for 12 years and gets raped or something. With her bra on, I assume.

Since she refused to show her tits for her entire career and now looks like she’s wearing barrel suspenders under her yoga pants, Jennifer Love Hewitt‘s old people show, The…

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Alanis Morissette Is PregnantBy toddAugust 11, 2010

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A song from her first CD made one of my ex-girlfriends realize she should break up with me, but more to the point, some white rapper I’ve never heard of didn’t pull out of Alanis Morissette. Us Magazine reports:

The singer, 36, announces the happy news in the new Us Weekly, on newsstands now. In Us’ “25 Things You Don’t Know About Me” section, Morissette lists “I am pregnant!” as No. 25. Morissette wed rapper Souleye, 30 (real name: Mario Treadway), this past May 22 at their Los Angeles home.”We’re very excited to embark on this journey with each other,” she wrote on her Twitter page at the time.

Whatever. Rachel Dratch and Amber are pregnant, too. If you really want to impress me, go squat by a tree and bite down on a stick in nine months.

Her kid might grow up to be the greatest white rapper of all time (here’s his mom signing the most depressing song of all time):

A song from her first CD made one of my ex-girlfriends realize she should break up with me, but more to the point, some white rapper I’ve never heard of…

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