‘Justice League’ Has A New Trailer. LOL.By toddOctober 09, 2017
‘Justice League’ Has A New Trailer. LOL.

 

After the last trailer, I thought DC would just hope we’d forget it and decide to never speak of it again then say the movie got lost or something, but a new Justice League trailer dropped this weekend. They’ve finally gone full on Joel Schumacher. At least Suicide Squad tricked us into thinking it would be a good movie by having badass trailers. I didn’t even have the strength to yawn after this. If you’re into CGI that doesn’t look finished, A LIGHTER TONE, lots of smiling, and DC shitting on David Bowie’s grave, you’re gonna love this piece of shit.

 

 

Here’s Gal Gadot last weekend doing and not doing SNL:

 

  After the last trailer, I thought DC would just hope we’d forget it and decide to never speak of it again then say the movie got lost or something,…

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Ben Affleck Says Criticisms Of ‘Batman v Superman’ Are “Fair”By toddOctober 06, 2017
Ben Affleck Says Criticisms Of ‘Batman v Superman’ Are “Fair”

 

Not sure if this picture of Ben Affleck and his girlfriend was taken while they watched Batman v Superman, but Affleck is contractually obligated to promote Justice League, so he did an interview with Empire where is said what everybody knew already (via Variety):

“I can understand people saying [‘Batman V Superman’] was too dark, or this was outside the tone of what I’m used to seeing with a Batman story, and I think that’s a fair criticism,” Affleck said.

Ok. You know why Logan was ridiculously successful while still being “too dark”?  Because in a movie where people know what they’re doing, “too dark” means “fully exploring adult themes” instead of “hey brah make sure everything’s at night and it rains all the time while characters try to play stupid soap opera dialogue straight, that’s super dark shit yo”.

He added that much like “Wonder Woman,” the upcoming “Justice League” film will have a lighter tone. “Zack [Snyder] wanted to make a movie that was more fun, that was a little bit light, that wasn’t so encumbered with heavy melodrama,” he said.

But don’t worry, DC plans to distance themselves from Marvel that they plan to be exactly like Marvel.  Great. Can’t wait for the weak villain firing a giant laser in the sky while characters exchanging witty banter. Oh, wait. That was Suicide Squad. Looks like they tried that already.

Affleck noted that the lighter approach to “Justice League” was planned in advance of “Batman v Superman’s” release and is not in response to the film’s criticisms.

LOL yeah ok, Ben. Sure.

 

  Not sure if this picture of Ben Affleck and his girlfriend was taken while they watched Batman v Superman, but Affleck is contractually obligated to promote Justice League, so…

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Selena Gomez Is Doing Woody AllenBy toddOctober 05, 2017
Selena Gomez Is Doing Woody Allen

 

I don’t think Selena Gomez‘s friend gave up a kidney so she could do a Woody Allen movie, yet here we are. Woody Allen makes movies that only a specific type of white people will like, and he also likes to have sex with young brown chicks he adopts. Hopefully Selena’s character doesn’t get adopted in this movie. I want to her she looks adorable.

 

  I don’t think Selena Gomez‘s friend gave up a kidney so she could do a Woody Allen movie, yet here we are. Woody Allen makes movies that only a…

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Jared Leto Is Playing Hugh HefnerBy toddOctober 04, 2017
Jared Leto Is Playing Hugh Hefner

 

If your skin hasn’t crawled in a while, Brett Ratner is making a Hugh Hefner movie. We already know what that means. If you thought it would be unrealistic, congrats, Jared Leto is playing Hefner.

Jared Leto will soon be donning the iconic silk pajamas and smoking jacket of Playboy founder Hugh Hefner, who died Sept. 27 at age 91, for an upcoming biopic from Brett Ratner. “Jared is an old friend,” says Ratner, who will direct the film. “When he heard I got the rights to Hef’s story, he told me, ‘I want to play him. I want to understand him.’ And I really believe Jared can do it. He’s one of the great actors of today.”

So, this movie will basically be just titties in slow mo and Jared Leto in a robe walking around the slo mo titties. My over under on the Rotten Tomatoes score is 34%. Fans of Batman v Superman should love it.

 

  If your skin hasn’t crawled in a while, Brett Ratner is making a Hugh Hefner movie. We already know what that means. If you thought it would be unrealistic,…

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Lynda Carter Had Time For James CameronBy toddSeptember 29, 2017
Lynda Carter Had Time For James Cameron

 

James Cameron is still talking about Wonder Woman for some reason. Why? He has a movie to promote. His whole argument is basically a woman can’t be powerful and hot at the same time. In order for a woman to be powerful, she has to get really good a pull ups before being broken out of a psychiatric hospital by two men. The original Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, has something to say.

 

Damn, Carter hit him with the “you poor soul”. Not sure if that’s the Wonder Woman equivalent of “bless your heart”. Aliens could hear this mic drop.

 

  James Cameron is still talking about Wonder Woman for some reason. Why? He has a movie to promote. His whole argument is basically a woman can’t be powerful and…

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Hey, It’s The ‘Blade Runner 2049’ PhotocallBy toddSeptember 21, 2017
Hey, It’s The ‘Blade Runner 2049’ Photocall

 

Not that you care, but Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies even if it’s kinda boring and Harrison Ford makes his usual weird faces a lot, so my erection for Blade Runner 2049 is very painful right now. It has Ryan Gosling in it, but I guess that’s fine. Denis Villeneuve hasn’t made a bad movie, yet so I’m not really holy shit the chick in green is named Ana De Armas and I just found that out and I think I’m in love now. Aww yeah. You know what this means, guys. At least one Ana De Armas post a week until I get bored and move onto something else. You know how we do.

 

  Not that you care, but Blade Runner is one of my favorite movies even if it’s kinda boring and Harrison Ford makes his usual weird faces a lot, so…
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Olivia Munn Had To Pay To Get A Cameo In ‘Ocean’s Eight’By toddSeptember 21, 2017
Olivia Munn Had To Pay To Get A Cameo In ‘Ocean’s Eight’

 

Ocean’s Eight is another entry into that hot, new studio trend where instead of making an original movie starring awesome women, they just gender swap an already established bankable IP to hedge their bets in the name of feminism. And if the movie gets bad reviews, and you happen not to like it, you just obviously hate women and movies starring women and you probably have mommy issues or something. And you also hate Hillary Clinton just because she’s a woman and nothing else. I heard if you scream that at people enough, they’ll realize it. Anyway, Olivia Munn wanted to catch this girl power wave so hard, she paid to be in it (via The Wrap).

Olivia Munn has a glamorous cameo in the upcoming heist film “Ocean’s Eight” —  but it cost her a pretty penny….Munn went all-out for wardrobe, hair and makeup (as one would for the actual event, hosted by Anna Wintour and largely considered the biggest night in fashion), and was shocked to see the production send back invoices for the costs she incurred….It’s a whole scene at the Met Ball and they’re like, Do your own glam.’ I got the dress, all that, and then you submit the bills for it because I’m part of your movie,” Munn told SiriusXM host Julia Cunningham on Entertainment Weekly Radio. But the bills come right back to you,” she concluded. “It actually cost me money to be in ‘Ocean’s Eight.’”

Aww, fuck yeah. Female empowerment, bitches. You know, until a studio worth $12B makes you pay for your own makeup and wardrobe. Warner Bros. can pay Zack Snyder to ruin superhero movies, but they can’t pay for Munn’s run to Sephora? Wait, who hates women again?

 

  Ocean’s Eight is another entry into that hot, new studio trend where instead of making an original movie starring awesome women, they just gender swap an already established bankable…

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‘The Punisher’ Trailer Is InsaneBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
‘The Punisher’ Trailer Is Insane

 

I think enough time has passed for us to all agree that Defenders was ass. It was. Let’s move on. Cool jokes, guys. Great job. Totally riveting. Now it’s time for The Punisher to drop. This probably isn’t the place for jokes, just a singular force of wanton destruction and murder. Also, Metallica. Also, this screencap would be good for one of those “What Antifa thinks they are” memes. Haha, just kidding, Kyle and Christopher.

 

  I think enough time has passed for us to all agree that Defenders was ass. It was. Let’s move on. Cool jokes, guys. Great job. Totally riveting. Now it’s…
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Linda Hamilton Is Coming Back To ‘Terminator’ Franchise AgainBy toddSeptember 20, 2017
Linda Hamilton Is Coming Back To ‘Terminator’ Franchise Again

 

Since every corpse has to be dug up and put in front of a camera so studios can cash in on your nostalgia (what up, Jamie Lee Curtis , every recent Harrison Ford movie, and Pennywise ), Linda Hamilton is returning to the Terminator franchise for the first time since 1991.

After waving hasta la vista, baby, more than 25 years ago, Linda Hamilton is returning to the world of Terminator, reuniting with James Cameron, the creator of the sci-fi franchise, for the new installment being made by Skydance and Paramount. Cameron made the announcement at a private event celebrating the storied franchise, saying, “As meaningful as she was to gender and action stars everywhere back then, it’s going to make a huge statement to have that seasoned warrior that she’s become return.” With Hamilton’s return, Cameron hopes to once again make a statement on gender roles in action movies. “There are 50-year-old, 60-year-old guys out there killing bad guys,” he said, referring to aging male actors still anchoring movies, “but there isn’t an example of that for women.”

Arnold Schwarzenegger is 70 and Linda Hamilton is 60, so who knows what the plot of this movie will be. Maybe it’s 2029 and they go back in time to save Medicaid.

  Since every corpse has to be dug up and put in front of a camera so studios can cash in on your nostalgia (what up, Jamie Lee Curtis , every…
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What A Lovely CoupleBy toddSeptember 15, 2017
What A Lovely Couple

 

Jennifer Lawrence (27) and Darren Aronofsky (48) made their first red carpet appearance together at the NYC premiere of mother!, and I’m continuing this sentence so I don’t have to end it with an exclamation point. Lawrence is at the point of her career where she’s gonna be Kate Winslet and either date or marry every director she works with and maybe have a kid with each. I hope she doesn’t have a kid with Quentin Tarantino, because nobody wants to see a poor child suffer with a neck brace that holds his head up.

 

  Jennifer Lawrence (27) and Darren Aronofsky (48) made their first red carpet appearance together at the NYC premiere of mother!, and I’m continuing this sentence so I don’t have…

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