Ben Affleck Isn’t Doing ‘The Batman’ Says Casey AffleckBy toddAugust 16, 2017
Ben Affleck Isn’t Doing ‘The Batman’ Says Casey Affleck

 

DC has made one watchable movie out of three, Justice League sounds like a dumpster fire, The Batman has had more directors that Trump’s FBI, and every time you ask Ben Affleck about it, he gets fucking annoyed. So, it doesn’t seem like an impossibility that Affleck would turn into Billy Zane at the end of Titanic and start ripping lifeboats out of WB exec wives’ hands to jump off that sinking, lame ass ship. Enter, Casey Affleck.

 

Speaking on the WEEI Sports Radio Network, Affleck was asked about his brother’s upcoming The Batman with Matt Reeves. Jump to 6:03 (via Cosmic Book News) to see Casey Affleck crush a lot of neck beard dreams.

 

  DC has made one watchable movie out of three, Justice League sounds like a dumpster fire, The Batman has had more directors that Trump’s FBI, and every time you…

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Luc Besson Says ‘Captain America’ Is PropagandaBy toddAugust 15, 2017
Luc Besson Says ‘Captain America’ Is Propaganda

 

Maybe it’s because Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was bigger bomb than anything North Korea has, but director Luc Besson really, really hates movies that aren’t. Specifically, superhero movies. More specifically, Captain America. In an interview with Brazil’s Cinepop, Besson had this to say (thanks to Cinemablend for the translation):

“What bothers me most is it’s always here to show the supremacy of America and how they are great,” he said. “I mean, which country in the world would have the guts to call a film ‘Captain Brazil’ or ‘Captain France’? I mean, no one! We would be like so ashamed and say, ‘No, no, come on, we can’t do that.’ They can. They can call it ‘Captain America’ and everybody think it’s normal. I’m not here for propaganda, I’m here to tell a story.”

Besson is French, right? This sounds very French. But to answer his question, “Captain Brazil” and “Captain France” probably wouldn’t scare a lot of Nazis. They sound like they’d be super into soccer.

 

  Maybe it’s because Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was bigger bomb than anything North Korea has, but director Luc Besson really, really hates movies that aren’t….
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‘mother!’ Has A TrailerBy toddAugust 08, 2017
‘mother!’ Has A Trailer

 

The trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s psychological horror movie, mother!, dropped yesterday and here’s what it’s about:

A young woman’s (Jennifer Lawrence) tranquil life with her husband (Javier Bardem) at their remote country home is challenged by a mysterious couple (Ed Harris and Michelle Pfeiffer) who arrive and lodge with them.

Cool. It stars three great actors and Jennifer Lawrence. From what I can tell, Jennifer Lawrence is gonna get sacrificed by some cult or she’s dead and buried in the wall and is now a ghost or something. “People trapped in a wall and are now ghosts” movies are always lame. I like some of Aronofsky’s movies, but we should also remember he did The Fountain and Noah. What the shit was that about? So, in conclusion, let’s hope the movie is as good as the trailer. It probably won’t be. Like I said, it stars Jennifer Lawrence.

 

  The trailer for Darren Aronofsky’s psychological horror movie, mother!, dropped yesterday and here’s what it’s about: A young woman’s (Jennifer Lawrence) tranquil life with her husband (Javier Bardem) at their remote country…

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Warner Bros. Wants ‘Wonder Woman’ To Win The Best Picture OscarBy toddJuly 28, 2017
Warner Bros. Wants ‘Wonder Woman’ To Win The Best Picture Oscar

 

Wonder Woman has made $781M and, although the bar was set lower than hell, it is the best DC movie since Nolan left, so obviously Warner Bros. thinks it deserves all the Oscars.

Although executives haven’t commented publicly on their plans, they have internally discussed launching a formidable awards-season campaign for the movie, in the hopes of making it the first comic-book film nominated for best pictureVariety has learned. The studio will also stump Patty Jenkins for best director, which would also be groundbreaking. No director of a comic-book film — not even Christopher Nolan — has ever been nominated, and only men have ruled the category since (and before) Kathryn Bigelow won the Oscar for “The Hurt Locker” in 2010.

Now, I’m sure we can separate a movie that makes a lot of money and the cultural and societal impact of said movie with the realization that said movie has no business winning an Oscar for Best Picture. Wonder Woman isn’t even the best superhero movie of 2017 (*ahem*). Nominated? Sure, whatever. Patty Jenkins deserves an Oscar nomination just because she managed to make a competent DC superhero movie that makes some kind of sense. DC movies are that bad. I can name like 10 movies better than Wonder Woman right now, and that’s fine. I understand that little girls don’t want to dress like the black guy in Get Out or the cannibal chick in Raw. They’ll find a way to go on if Wonder Woman doesn’t win Best Picture.

  Wonder Woman has made $781M and, although the bar was set lower than hell, it is the best DC movie since Nolan left, so obviously Warner Bros. thinks it…

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Anne Hathaway Might Be ‘Barbie’ NowBy toddJuly 26, 2017
Anne Hathaway Might Be ‘Barbie’ Now

 

Remember when 2017 tried to go full 2017 and we almost had Amy Schumer as a live-action Barbie? She dropped out for some reason. That reason was probably Barbie doesn’t eat a pack of bagels everyday. Apparently Anne Hathaway is now in talks to play Barbie, because a 34-year-old brunette is the obvious choice to play Barbie after an overweight blonde. I would have went with a transgendered chick myself since that would be good publicity and Trump would tweet about it and the movie would get great reviews even if it sucked. I should really be a studio executive.

 

Also, here’s Amy Schumer being passive aggressive about the whole thing.

 

Hathaway smathaway jkjk she’s perfect!! Can’t wait to see it!

A post shared by @amyschumer on

 

  Remember when 2017 tried to go full 2017 and we almost had Amy Schumer as a live-action Barbie? She dropped out for some reason. That reason was probably Barbie…

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‘Wonder Woman 2’ Drops In 2019By toddJuly 26, 2017
‘Wonder Woman 2’ Drops In 2019

 

Since it made money, Wonder Woman is getting a sequel. Kids today will never know about when movies actually had to be good to get a sequel, so Wonder Woman 2 is probably the closest they’re gonna get to that.

Wonder Woman 2, the follow-up to this year’s superhero hit, will hit theaters Dec. 13, 2019. Talks with Wonder Woman director Patty Jenkins to return are ongoing, and she has not officially been announced as being aboard the project…Wonder Woman 2 is the only release slated for Dec. 13, 2019. The date announcement comes a week after Warners set dates for a number of mystery films, including an untitled DC movie for Feb. 14, 2020.

Wonder Woman 2 is supposed to take place in the 80s during the Cold War, so hopefully she doesn’t team up with Osama Bin Laden. Rambo already did that and we see how that turned out. I assume “talks with Patty Jenkins” means they offered Patty Jenkins what she got paid for Wonder Woman and she was like “lol nah” then showed them the box office receipts and screened the movie for them again and pointed out that it was good and made sense. I know how DC might be confused by that.

 

  Since it made money, Wonder Woman is getting a sequel. Kids today will never know about when movies actually had to be good to get a sequel, so Wonder…
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‘Justice League’ Is Having Extensive Reshoots. Great.By toddJuly 25, 2017
‘Justice League’ Is Having Extensive Reshoots. Great.

 

Every DC movie so far has been a cinematic masterpiece, and if you don’t think so, then you’re just either a Marvel shill or you just don’t understand great movies. Suicide Squad made more money than The Godfather, so you know it’s better. Wonder Woman’s boyfriend saved everyone from dying at the end of Wonder Woman, so if you don’t think little girls will look up to that, then you just don’t understand feminism and you probably hate women. Little girls literally had no female role models to look up to before Wonder Woman, so I hope you think about them before you trash that movie. Justice League is going to be a masterpiece as well, and you’re a hater if you don’t realize that. It’s so great already they’re doing a bunch of reshoots and pissing off the cast. Tell us about it Variety!

The studio, which had no comment on the scheduling trouble, is spending approximately $25 million on extensive reshoots that have dragged on for roughly two months in London and Los Angeles, according to multiple insiders…It’s standard for big Hollywood movies to schedule a few weeks of pick-up work, but the cost and time allotted to the work on “Justice League” is raising some eyebrows. Reshoots, or additional photography, to use the preferred studio nomenclature, traditionally cost between $6 million and $10 million, and rarely have to juggle so many competing schedules. They typically last a week or two.

Nice. Sounds like they really know what they’re doing. Also, check the end credits for the person who worked on Henry Cavill’s mustache.

Cavill’s issues are even more thorny. “Justice League’s” Man of Steel had expected to be able to finish shooting the sixth “Mission: Impossible” film before needing to don Superman’s spandex again. That has not been the case, however, as the new scenes that are being shot have required him to jump back and forth from each production. Because of this, a mustache he grew for his character in the “Mission: Impossible” sequel will have to be digitally removed in post-production. Paramount, which is distributing the “Mission: Impossible” sequel, would not allow Cavill to shave the facial hair while production was taking place.

Why can’t Superman have a mustache? Superman is sad and depressing and the whole world hates him, so a mustache would really show that visually. Why the mustache-shaming? Also, what has Joss Whedon been doing? Joss Whedon things, of course.

Then there is the question of crediting. Joss Whedon has now spent months overseeing the project, but he will not receive a co-directing credit, according to an insider….Sources say “Justice League” reshoots have been used to punch up the dialogue. Whedon, the director of “The Avengers,” is well respected for his ability to create memorably wry exchanges between his characters. The set pieces Snyder shot are said to be usable, but Whedon has been working on “connective tissue” that was needed to link sequences.

It’s always comforting to hear that the footage the original director of a $300M movie be described as “usable”, but if Joss Whedon is on board, that means funny quips! Big fun! Banter! Just what you want in your dark tone that’s no way supposed to be like Marvel in any way. If this movie doesn’t get at least 95% on Rotten Tomatoes, fans should riot in the street.

 

  Every DC movie so far has been a cinematic masterpiece, and if you don’t think so, then you’re just either a Marvel shill or you just don’t understand great…

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Rihanna’s Breasts Did The ‘Valerian’ European PremiereBy toddJuly 25, 2017
Rihanna’s Breasts Did The ‘Valerian’ European Premiere

 

So Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets  isn’t doing so great at the box office. I guess if you’re planning on making a movie, casting Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne as your leads probably wouldn’t be the best idea. Save money by casting two pieces of bland white bread and gluing eyes on them. Or something that’s more boring than that. Not sure how it would work, but you could cast the movie Boyhood as your lead. This post is about Rihanna‘s boobs in this dress, so I guess we should talk about those. It appears to be some sort of push up thing that make her boobs look bigger. This site isn’t just about boobs, we also cover science things. Making women’s boobs look bigger has been a huge science thing for a while.

 

  So Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets  isn’t doing so great at the box office. I guess if you’re planning on making a movie, casting Dane DeHaan and Cara Delevingne…

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Tara Reid Is Doing Very WellBy toddJuly 20, 2017
Tara Reid Is Doing Very Well

 

Sorry to do this to you, but here’s Tara Reid at the Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets premiere. Apparently this movie is just kinda okay. And apparently Tara Reid has been working at a bank and refused to give an old gypsy woman a loan. There should be a Tara Reid Sex Challenge but I can’t think of an issue but no issue needs that much awareness.

 

  Sorry to do this to you, but here’s Tara Reid at the Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets premiere. Apparently this movie is just kinda okay. And apparently…

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Rihanna Did The ‘Valerian’ PremiereBy toddJuly 18, 2017
Rihanna Did The ‘Valerian’ Premiere

 

Rihanna is playing a shape-shifting alien in Luc Besson’s Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets, and I was told by management not to discuss how Hollywood is blackwashing shape-shifting aliens for a casting gimmick. I guess I’m just too woke. But obviously, as you can see, Rihanna attended the premiere and she’s not a shape-shifting alien. It’s just a shame that so many filmmakers use human actors to portray aliens from different planets. This is very problematic. You can look at these pictures of Rihanna being hot in this dress if you want to, but you’re just perpetuating the lack of alien representation seen in movies today.

 

  Rihanna is playing a shape-shifting alien in Luc Besson’s Valerian And The City Of A Thousand Planets, and I was told by management not to discuss how Hollywood is blackwashing…

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