Wonder Woman Did EmpireBy toddFebruary 24, 2017
Wonder Woman Did Empire

 

Yesterday, Matt Reeves finally committed to direct The Batman and Nightwing movie was also announced, taking the WB/DCEU potential new film count to 17. SEVENTEEN. If the first three were any indication, WB is gonna continue to throw shit against the wall in hopes it makes enough money to clean up the shit they have to clean up from the last wall. The fourth, Wonder Woman, drops June 2, and depending on who you ask, it’s great or an unmitigated disaster. Kinda like our new President. Anyway, WB has to spend a lot of money on advertising, so Wonder Woman got the cover of Empire Magazine. She looks like she’s about to fight Rotten Tomatoes.

 

Wonder Woman

  Yesterday, Matt Reeves finally committed to direct The Batman and Nightwing movie was also announced, taking the WB/DCEU potential new film count to 17. SEVENTEEN. If the first three were…

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Michael Fassbender Is Probably Your Next James Bond Maybe Who KnowsBy toddFebruary 22, 2017
Michael Fassbender Is Probably Your Next James Bond Maybe Who Knows

 

Although I’d much rather see Idris Elba as 007 (yes, I know Idris Elba isn’t white much like I know Scarlett Johansson isn’t Asian), it looks like Michael Fassbender will probably be the next James Bond. Read this first, then feel free to type angry in the comments about that whole Scarlett Johansson thing.

James Norton and Michael Fassbender are the frontrunners to become the next James Bond in the week Daniel Craig became the second longest-serving 007. Craig has starred as the spy in four films over more than 11 years, although is it not known if he will continue in the franchise. His last outing as Bond was in 2015’s Spectre, but shortly after its release he said he would rather “slash my wrists” than appear in another film as the secret agent. According to bookmakers Coral, betting has surged on Norton or Fassbender taking over from Craig.

Fassbender has straight up said in interviews that he doesn’t want to play James Bond at all, but I’m sure if they come with enough Bond money, he’d play James Bond and any other Bond they’d like him to play. Maybe JaMarcus Bond. If dude can play a guy in a purple helmet and cape, he can’t be above playing a spy on a yacht who drowns in pussy.



  Although I’d much rather see Idris Elba as 007 (yes, I know Idris Elba isn’t white much like I know Scarlett Johansson isn’t Asian), it looks like Michael Fassbender…

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The Intro To ‘Belle’ From ‘Beauty and the Beast’ Is Here For YouBy toddFebruary 21, 2017
The Intro To ‘Belle’ From ‘Beauty and the Beast’ Is Here For You

 

As you already know, Disney’s best movie about Stockholm Syndrome, Beauty and the Beast, got a live action remake and Emma Watson stars as Belle and a computer stars as the Beast. They just put out a teaser of Emma Watson singing “Belle”, one of the songs from the movie where Belle walks through the town she hates while the townsfolk give her free food and talk shit and the horses are freaks for apples.

 

 

Nice singing, Emma Watson with your fine ass.

 

  As you already know, Disney’s best movie about Stockholm Syndrome, Beauty and the Beast, got a live action remake and Emma Watson stars as Belle and a computer stars…

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Lindsay Lohan Is Trying To Play Ariel In Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ RebootBy toddFebruary 20, 2017
Lindsay Lohan Is Trying To Play Ariel In Disney’s ‘The Little Mermaid’ Reboot

 

Guys. Lindsay Lohan really wants to play Little Mermaid in the live action reboot of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. I don’t know about you, but I need this to happen.

I will sing again, as #ariel #thelittlemermaid @disney approve that #billcondon directs it along with my sister @alianamusic singing the theme song for the soundtrack. also @kgrahamsfb plays Ursula. Simply because, she is the best. take one. @disneystudios

Like we already know this is gonna go to Emma Stone or Chloe Grace Moretz or whatever, but I want to see the version of The Little Mermaid where Ariel chain smokes and converts to Islam and causes a pandemic when she gets a vagina.

 

#thelittlemermaid

A post shared by Lindsay Lohan (@lindsaylohan) on

  Guys. Lindsay Lohan really wants to play Little Mermaid in the live action reboot of Disney’s The Little Mermaid. I don’t know about you, but I need this to…

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Warner Bros. Wants Mel Gibson To Direct ‘Suicide Squad 2’By toddFebruary 16, 2017
Warner Bros. Wants Mel Gibson To Direct ‘Suicide Squad 2’

 

So remember how much Suicide Squad sucked ass? Because it sucked horrific ass. Now Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct the sequel nobody asked for except the executives who realize they shove shit down our throats and we’ll gladly pay them for it then boycott Rotten Tomatoes if they don’t like the taste.

Warner Bros. is courting the actor-director to helm Suicide Squad 2 and the sides are early in talks, The Hollywood Reporter has learned. No official offer has been made nor has any commitment. Sources say that Gibson is familiarizing himself with the material. But the studio is not being passive and is also looking at other directors, Daniel Espinosa among them.

Mel Gibson is a horrible person and a great director, so it’ll be interesting to see his TRUE DIRECTOR’S CUT in 10 years after Warner Bros. take his original edit and send it to a movie trailer company so they can send it to theaters then claim Marvel bias when they get bad reviews. That said, given today’s political climate, I do hope they cut the part where the Suicide Squad kills a lot of Jews.

 

  So remember how much Suicide Squad sucked ass? Because it sucked horrific ass. Now Mel Gibson is reportedly in talks to direct the sequel nobody asked for except the executives…

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Ben Affleck Doesn’t Wanna Be Batman NowBy toddFebruary 14, 2017
Ben Affleck Doesn’t Wanna Be Batman Now

 

Ben Affleck reportedly doesn’t want to play Batman anymore or be involved with Warner Bros. or DC in any way. Man, I can hardly even understand why!

(more…)

  Ben Affleck reportedly doesn’t want to play Batman anymore or be involved with Warner Bros. or DC in any way. Man, I can hardly even understand why!

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‘John Wick’ Has An Honest TrailerBy toddFebruary 08, 2017
‘John Wick’ Has An Honest Trailer

 

I was wondering when the John Wick Honest Trailer was coming out, because usually when it takes this long, they’re having a hard time finding stuff to shit on. That’s because John Wick is a kick ass action flick and doesn’t pretend to be anything else (I’m look at you Zack Snyder/David Ayer). It’s impossible to hate on this movie, so they just hate on Liam Neeson’s old ass instead. At some point in the Taken movies you’d think he’d just burn his families’ passports.

 

 

John Wick 2 is the sequel. Ruby Rose is in John Wick 2. Ruby Rose is hot. This isn’t complicated stuff, guys.

 

  I was wondering when the John Wick Honest Trailer was coming out, because usually when it takes this long, they’re having a hard time finding stuff to shit on….

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Listen To John Legend And Ariana Grande Do The New ‘Beauty And The Beast’By toddFebruary 03, 2017
Listen To John Legend And Ariana Grande Do The New ‘Beauty And The Beast’

 

John Legend and Ariana Grande covered the theme song for the new live(?)-action Beauty And The Beast, and here’s what it sounds like. Comparing anybody to Celine Dion isn’t really fair to anybody or Celine Dion, but I appreciate the fact that Ariana Grande can’t help but sound like she’s DTF the beast at any time. And when John Legend starts singing you can’t help but want to go make a sign march for freedom. Combine those two and I feel it truly encapsulates the plot of the movie if it was gendered swapped.

 

 

I’ve included the 1992 original if you wanted to leave a comment saying this “ruined your childhood” when we all know it was your father’s alcoholism.

 

 

  John Legend and Ariana Grande covered the theme song for the new live(?)-action Beauty And The Beast, and here’s what it sounds like. Comparing anybody to Celine Dion isn’t…

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Here’s Margot Robbie Ice Skating In That Tonya Harding MovieBy toddFebruary 02, 2017
Here’s Margot Robbie Ice Skating In That Tonya Harding Movie

 

They really missed an opportunity to cast Amy Schumer as Tonya Harding, because they could have saved a bunch of money on Margot Robbie’s fat suit and the make up that’s supposed to make Margot Robbie ugly. Why go through all that? Oh, I forgot Amy Schumer is playing Barbie because we’re truly living in the upside down and the last days as the Bible foretold.  But if you want to see Margot Robbie in a fat suit and ugly makeup recreating Tonya Harding’s 1992 Olympic short program, click below for all your dreams to come true.

(more…)

  They really missed an opportunity to cast Amy Schumer as Tonya Harding, because they could have saved a bunch of money on Margot Robbie’s fat suit and the make…

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Emma Watson & Miles Teller Lost ‘La La Land’ Because They Were CrazyBy toddJanuary 31, 2017
Emma Watson & Miles Teller Lost ‘La La Land’ Because They Were Crazy

 

If you haven’t heard of La La Land yet, it is a sorta kinda musical about great looking white people achieving their dreams and explaining jazz to black people. It stars Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone and it has been nominated for like 14 Oscars. It’ll go down as the Shakespeare In Love of the Oscars in 15 years when people will be like, “That won over Moonlight? k.” Anway, it was supposed to star Emma Watson and Miles Teller, but they went batshit with their demands. Page Six says:

 

Emma Watson seems great to work with:

Watson was offered the lead female role, but she initially wouldn’t commit. Then she began making all these crazy demands, like rehearsals for the film must be done in London — for a film called ‘La La Land’! They jumped through hoops to make it work with her, but she just didn’t feel the film was right for her.

Miles Teller seems like he’d send this type of text:

One movie insider said, “Miles was offered $4 million to star in ‘La La Land,’ but he said he wanted $6 million…In 2015, Teller told GQ that his agent said director Damien Chazelle dropped him from the movie: “ ‘Damien . . . no longer thinks you’re creatively right for the project. He’s moving on without you.’ ” Teller then sent Chazelle a text saying, “What the f–k, bro?”

In conclusion:

“Now both Miles and Emma Watson are raising hell with their agents for not securing the roles for them — even though it was the actors’ fault for being too demanding.”

There’s no real way to confirm this, I guess, but let’s just pretend its true and you know want to share it with all your friends like, “haha oh man, check this out!” or  “lol THIS” or “wtf wow”. Any of those would work for me. God bless.

 

  If you haven’t heard of La La Land yet, it is a sorta kinda musical about great looking white people achieving their dreams and explaining jazz to black people….

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