Anne Hathaway Is A Drunk Monster In ‘Colossal’By toddJanuary 20, 2017
Anne Hathaway Is A Drunk Monster In ‘Colossal’

 

So basically Timecrimes is one of my favorite movies, and the dude who did that now dropped the first trailer for his new movie, Colossal. Let this sink in:

The film stars Anne Hathaway as Gloria, a woman whose life is falling to pieces thanks to a series of poor life choices and a bit too much boozing. When she loses her job and gets kicked out of her apartment by her boyfriend, Gloria has to relocate to her hometown, where she reunites with a childhood friend (Jason Sudeikis) and finds herself slipping back into her destructive patterns in no time. At the same time, a giant Kaiju starts popping up in Soeul, South Korea; destroying everything in its path, and Gloria starts to realize that she shares a psychic connection with the monster and her reckless behavior threatens to destroy more than just her relationships.

 

I don’t know about you, but that sounds like a pretty good time and an idea so original that its destined to make $45 at the box office. Also, Anne Hathaway has like 98 teeth and freakishly long arms, so this seems like pretty solid casting.

 

  So basically Timecrimes is one of my favorite movies, and the dude who did that now dropped the first trailer for his new movie, Colossal. Let this sink in:…

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The New ‘Logan’ Trailer Is BadassBy toddJanuary 19, 2017
The New ‘Logan’ Trailer Is Badass

 

The new trailer for Logan dropped today, and since I like Mike even though he’s a huge comic book nerd, he let us know that this movie is based on this instead of Old Man Logan. I don’t know what either of those two things are. Hopefully you do and it interests you. All I know is that this trailer is already a better movie that Batman v Superman and Suicide Squad, and it has a little girl who is like a mini-Wolverine and she’s slashing throats and shit. I’m down.

 

  The new trailer for Logan dropped today, and since I like Mike even though he’s a huge comic book nerd, he let us know that this movie is based…

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Margot Robbie Is Wearing A Fat Suit To Play 90s Tonya HardingBy toddJanuary 18, 2017
Margot Robbie Is Wearing A Fat Suit To Play 90s Tonya Harding

 

I know we talk about whitewashing happening a lot in Hollywood, but why don’t we ever talk about hotwashing? Because there’s no way in hell I’m supposed to believe Margot Robbie is Tonya Harding. Oh wait. Maybe I can.

(more…)

  I know we talk about whitewashing happening a lot in Hollywood, but why don’t we ever talk about hotwashing? Because there’s no way in hell I’m supposed to believe…

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‘Wonder Woman’ Is Apparently A DisasterBy toddJanuary 17, 2017
‘Wonder Woman’ Is Apparently A Disaster

 

You probably can’t see it, but I’m clutching my pearls, because an insider who told us that Batman v Superman sucked before it came out, now says Wonder Woman is a fucking disaster.

“So, I don’t want to throw anyone under the bus. We have somebody within our community who has gotten insider information that broke my effing heart this week, because I have tremendous belief that Wonder Woman is gonna be awesome and I heard it stinks from the same person who told me that they heard that BvS stinks…The person who I spoke to…their response was ‘I’m very disappointed in what I saw, and it seems like all the problems are the same problems. It’s discombobulated, it doesn’t have narrative flow. It’s just very disjointed.

Wonder Woman

 

Look, you’ve seen Man of Steel. You’ve seen Batman v Superman. You’ve seen Suicide Squad.  Are we gonna pretend Wonder Woman is gonna be any better? Warner Bros. and DC legit have no idea what they’re doing with the DCEU. They throw shit at the screen, the shit makes money, so they make more shit. And if your first argument is to quote me box office numbers, congrats, you’re part of the problem. This is strange a concept, but what if a movie made money and was good at the same time? I know, crazy. At least Gal Gadot will look hot in the costume. At least we have that. Christ.

 

This thing is two hours, but they kick off the show with it. Good times.

 

  You probably can’t see it, but I’m clutching my pearls, because an insider who told us that Batman v Superman sucked before it came out, now says Wonder Woman…

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Nina Dobrev Deserves Better Than ThisBy toddJanuary 11, 2017

It’s hard sometimes to defend Hollywood from conservatives when they make shit like xXx: Return of Xander Cage. Why are the two x’s lowercase? So people won’t think it’s a porn? And why is Vin Diesel still allowed to be in movies? I think that’s why Paul Walker died. He just wanted to escape. And why does Nina Dobrev still keep her agent? Look at her. Does that face look like it should be movie that has a colon in the title and Vin Diesel riding a wave on a motorcycle on the poster? No. No it does not. Are we just going to sit idly by while this happens? Did we not learn anything from Obama’s speech last night?

It’s hard sometimes to defend Hollywood from conservatives when they make shit like xXx: Return of Xander Cage. Why are the two x’s lowercase? So people won’t think it’s a…

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Yeah, So Here’s Joseph Fiennes As Michael Jackson In ‘Urban Myths’By toddJanuary 11, 2017
Yeah, So Here’s Joseph Fiennes As Michael Jackson In ‘Urban Myths’

 

Almost exactly  year ago, the news broke that Joseph Fiennes was cast as Michael Jackson in the movie Urban Myths.  Joseph Fiennes is white. Michael Jackson was black.  Then when he made a lot of money, Michael Jackson was white. I think we all know what this means for the writers at Slate. I’m not sure which black actor they could have cast here without him doing white face. I assume Sky Arts didn’t want to be racist like that. Or did they? I don’t know. It’s still basically 2016, so everything can be racist if you scream it long enough on Twitter.

 

  Almost exactly  year ago, the news broke that Joseph Fiennes was cast as Michael Jackson in the movie Urban Myths.  Joseph Fiennes is white. Michael Jackson was black.  Then…

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Tom Hiddleston Was An Empty Husk Of Self-Serving Interests At The Golden GlobesBy toddJanuary 09, 2017
Tom Hiddleston Was An Empty Husk Of Self-Serving Interests At The Golden Globes

 

Despite Taylor Swift‘s vision board saying she would attend the 2017 Golden Globes with Tom Hiddleston then be carried off in a unicorn carriage to her afterparty in Rhode Island once he accepted his award for The Night Manager, Tom Hiddleston went by himself and won Best Actor in a Limited Series then proceeded to make everyone in the audience aware that he and Taylor Swift were made for each other.  If you want to feel second hand embarrassment for him again or watch everybody who had to listen to this shit look like they rather die in Sudan, here’s the video:

 

 

  Despite Taylor Swift‘s vision board saying she would attend the 2017 Golden Globes with Tom Hiddleston then be carried off in a unicorn carriage to her afterparty in Rhode…

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‘Justice League’ Took A PicBy toddJanuary 09, 2017
‘Justice League’ Took A Pic

 

If Warner Bros. and DC spent as much time on developing a script as they did on advertising and reshoots and trying to explain their movies after the fact, they might make good movies that also make a lot of money. But for now, they’re just pretty much content with putting out garbage and making money. They’re basically McDonald’s and Starbucks. But I get it, DC movies are “dark and edgy” and I just don’t understand them. Ok, bro. And since they’re so dark and edgy, The Justice League dropped a new cast pic in the latest issue of USA Today. If you’ve never heard of it, it’s a publication known for being dark and edgy. You probably wouldn’t understand it. You can see the hi-res pic here if you want. Brace yourself, it’s pretty dark and edgy.

  If Warner Bros. and DC spent as much time on developing a script as they did on advertising and reshoots and trying to explain their movies after the fact,…

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Woody Harrelson Is Han Solo’s MentorBy toddJanuary 04, 2017
Woody Harrelson Is Han Solo’s Mentor

 

Disney didn’t buy Star Wars from George Lucas just to buy it. They have already spun box office gold with Star Wars: The Force Awakens (it was aight) and Rogue One (it was meh), and now they’re going to keep making Star Wars movies until they get all the money and we’re all dead. The Han Solo spinoff will probably have Woody Harrelson in it now.

Sources tell Variety that, while talks are still in the early stages, Harrelson is the top choice to play Han Solo’s mentor in the upcoming “Star Wars” spinoff starring Alden Ehrenreich. Donald Glover and Emilia Clarke also star, with Phil Lord and Chris Miller directing. Disney had no comment. The movie will be set prior to “Star Wars: A New Hope,” like the other “Star Wars” standalone project, “Rogue One,” which hit theaters on Dec. 16.

So Han Solo smuggled weed then? Hahahaha I bet nobody has come up with that joke yet! I’m killin’ this blog game, son.

  Disney didn’t buy Star Wars from George Lucas just to buy it. They have already spun box office gold with Star Wars: The Force Awakens (it was aight) and…

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Here’s A Cut Carrie Fisher Scene In ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’By toddDecember 30, 2016
Here’s A Cut Carrie Fisher Scene In ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens’

 

2016 doesn’t allow you to properly mourn or fully monetize the SEO of a beloved celebrity’s death since beloved celebrities have been snatched like wigs on Bravo show all year. Prince made it kinda easy for us though. Shout out to Prince. And all the David Bowie stories where he told lesser beings to fuck off helped. But Carrie Fisher died after she dropped some shit then her mom died a day later and instead of posting about the force and stuff, people had to pretend like they own Singing In The Rain. 2016 just moves way too fast to form a great content strategy. Hopefully 2017 will be more considerate of my feelings. That being said, some dude posted a Carrie Fisher deleted scene from Star Wars: The Force Awakens, and I get the feeling this was ad libbed.

 

  2016 doesn’t allow you to properly mourn or fully monetize the SEO of a beloved celebrity’s death since beloved celebrities have been snatched like wigs on Bravo show all…

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