Here’s Ashley Graham With A Bagel BraBy toddMarch 22, 2017
Here’s Ashley Graham With A Bagel Bra

 

We get it, Ashley Graham really loves carbs. She really didn’t need to tell us this. Millions of bagels don’t have to die so that she can live. What is this, some sort of game, Ashley? And why haven’t I seen at least one post saying this is offensive to the Jewish community? They must be off fighting their mortal enemy Tim Allen.

 

I LOVE BREAD! xx #AshleyGraham

A post shared by jilliandavison (@jilliandavison) on

 

Carb loaded:

 

  We get it, Ashley Graham really loves carbs. She really didn’t need to tell us this. Millions of bagels don’t have to die so that she can live. What is…

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Tomi Lahren Got Suspended From The Blaze For Being Pro-ChoiceBy toddMarch 21, 2017
Tomi Lahren Got Suspended From The Blaze For Being Pro-Choice

 

Much like all of Twitter aspires to be, Tomi Lahren is a paid professional troll who only gets attention because my fellow liberals love to set outrage hose to self-righteous indignation and blast everything with the blood of a Slate article. Last Friday, the went on The View and said she was pro-choice. She works for The Blaze, so obviously that’s heresy and they suspended her.

Leon Wolf, the managing editor of The Blaze, told CNNMoney only that “Tomi’s show will not be in production this week.” Reached by email late Monday, Lahren said she couldn’t address the matter. “Wish I could comment but I can’t,” she said.

After this happened, I hoped on Twitter and waited for the “support all women” Twitter takes, but lol that didn’t happen because you should only support women who agree with you politically on every single thing or they are harlots who should be shunned and forced sit in a corner to think about their white privilege or internalized misogyny or the show they like that uses coded racist music or whatever deem the moral high ground at the time. What you shouldn’t do, under any circumstances, is say “hey, she agrees on a topic I care about, maybe this is a chance to understand that everyone is different and won’t agree on everything all the time like I imagine in my peaceful liberal, Nordic utopia that I have planned for America right after I firebomb this Starbucks.” You shouldn’t do that. You should burn her alive at the stake for other things she said. It’s the only way we can come together as one. What you don’t want to do is find out what else you and Tomi Lahren have in common. Like, Tomi and Bernie Sanders. Both like to yell and hear themselves talk. Imagine the possibilities. Sidenote: My penis has no political affiliation, so knowing Tomi Lahren is pro-choice, make me happy for two reasons. How you doin, boo?

  Much like all of Twitter aspires to be, Tomi Lahren is a paid professional troll who only gets attention because my fellow liberals love to set outrage hose to…
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Ellen Degeneres Got Wine Drunk, Fell Down, And Dislocated Her FingerBy toddMarch 21, 2017
Ellen Degeneres Got Wine Drunk, Fell Down, And Dislocated Her Finger

 

I thought TV show hosts falling down drunk and fucking up their hand was Jimmy Fallon’s thing, but Ellen Degeneres continues to fight for equality.

I dislocated my finger. That’s what they call it, which is an incorrect term because I knew where it was located. It was just wrongly located is what it was,” she joked. “So, do you know what they do when you dislocate your finger? It’s very technical. What they do is they take the part that’s dislocated and then they just snap it right back into place.” She added, “Before they did it, I was in incredible pain and [my nurse] said, ‘Do you want a shot?’ And I said, ‘No, I had two glasses of wine — that’s what got me into this mess in the first place.’ She meant a shot to numb my finger. She said, ‘You’re gonna feel a little prick.’ This is a daytime show — you make up your own joke there.”

Isn’t “I had two” what you tell police when they pull you over? Anyway, I think this story tells us that old, rich white ladies like to drink wine. Big if true.

  I thought TV show hosts falling down drunk and fucking up their hand was Jimmy Fallon’s thing, but Ellen Degeneres continues to fight for equality. “I dislocated my finger….

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Ariel Winter Is SuggestiveBy toddMarch 21, 2017

A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

 

I don’t know the context of this pic Ariel Winter posted on Instagram, but it seems she went to a cigar bar dressed like a mafia wife. Or a mafia girlfriend. Or the wife and/or girlfriend of somebody who isn’t in the mafia. Sorry, I don’t know a lot about the mafia. Maybe she’s doing a movie where Monica Lewinsky joins the mafia then does porn. So many scenarios here.

A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on Mar 20, 2017 at 8:30am PDT   I don’t know the context of this pic Ariel Winter posted on Instagram, but it…

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‘Beauty And The Beast’ Made All The MoneyBy toddMarch 20, 2017
‘Beauty And The Beast’ Made All The Money

 

Beauty And The Beast made a lot of money this weekend. How much? Pretty much all of it.

With Disney’s promotional machinery running full tilt and the masses apparently caring little about the inclusion of a gay character, “Beauty and the Beast” arrived to an astounding $170 million in ticket sales at North American theaters over the weekend. That total broke multiple Hollywood records, including one set last year by “Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice” for the biggest March opening. And talk about princess power: “Beauty and the Beast,” an old-fashioned musical that mixes live-action scenes with fully digital characters, collected an additional $180 million overseas, placing the movie on a path toward $1 billion in worldwide ticket sales by the end of its run, analysts said. The film cost roughly $300 million to make and market.

Strictly speaking of movies, Disney owns Marvel, Star Wars, and is now gonna turn all their animated films into live-action adaptations. It’s only a matter of time before we’ll all be able to go to Disney World for free, because Disney World will be the actual world and we’ll all be characters. Disney is running shit. Disney is your master now.



  Beauty And The Beast made a lot of money this weekend. How much? Pretty much all of it. With Disney’s promotional machinery running full tilt and the masses apparently…

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Lena Dunham Wants You To Know She Doesn’t Care What You Think About Her Body AgainBy toddMarch 17, 2017
Lena Dunham Wants You To Know She Doesn’t Care What You Think About Her Body Again

 

Hey, guys! Did you know Lena Dunham doesn’t care what you think about her body? You’ve probably heard that before. Here’s 282 more words about how she doesn’t care. Enjoy!

(more…)

  Hey, guys! Did you know Lena Dunham doesn’t care what you think about her body? You’ve probably heard that before. Here’s 282 more words about how she doesn’t care….

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Matthew Perry Said He Beat Up Justin Trudeau In The 5th GradeBy toddMarch 17, 2017
Matthew Perry Said He Beat Up Justin Trudeau In The 5th Grade

 

Matthew Perry was on Jimmy Kimmel Live this week, and told a story about beating up Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in the 5th grade. Now for some Rachel Maddow type context but a lot shorter.

Perry and Trudeau both attended Rockcliffe Park elementary, a public school located in one of Ottawa’s wealthiest neighbourhoods and frequented by the children of ambassadors and politicians.

Justin Trudeau loves oil pipelines, selling weapons to the Middle East, and jerking off the corporations in Canada, but he’s totally dreamy and doesn’t say mean things about immigrants, so that means he’s the best. He also marches in Pride parades, don’t forget that. Check that social media-friendly box, Justin. He’s also a self-proclaimed feminist. So am I! But I don’t wear a pink shirt that says “FEMINIST” on it while I’m with my wife, because I’m not a low key fuck boy. I like to keep it out in the open. But yeah, Justin Trudeau got beat up by Chandler Bing when they both attended a school for rich white kids. I hope this message finds you well.

 

  Matthew Perry was on Jimmy Kimmel Live this week, and told a story about beating up Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau in the 5th grade. Now for some Rachel…
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Selena Gomez Wants You To Forget About Her So Bad Posed For VogueBy toddMarch 17, 2017

 

Selena Gomez is the cover for April’s issue of Vogue, but they couldn’t just leave it there. They had to ask her some hard hitting questions. The third and fourth words of the interview title are “Instagram” and “Fatigue”, so you know where this is going.  But first they had to remind everyone she’s rich but still likes regular Mexican things.

She sets down her Givenchy purse and brings up, in gaudy succession, a frozen package of Giant Eagle Potatoes O’Brien, a can of Campbell’s Cream of Chicken soup, a bag of shredded “Mexican cheese,” and a squat plastic canister of French’s Crispy Fried Onions.

Then over some cheesy potatoes with a writer from Vogue who was there to do a cover story about her, she said this.

“Look, I love what I do, and I’m aware of how lucky I am, but—how can I say this without sounding weird? I just really can’t wait for people to forget about me.”

Not sure understands how making people forget about her works and whatnot, but not being on the cover of Vogue and posing in a bikini would be a huge first step. I could be wrong. I’m not an expert on these things.

 

@SelenaGomez is our April cover star! Tap the link in our bio to read the full interview. Photographed by @mertalas and @macpiggott, styled by Camilla Nickerson. A post shared by…

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Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last NightBy toddMarch 16, 2017
Stephen Colbert Roasted The Shit Out Of Rachel Maddow Last Night

 

By now you’ve probably heard about that Rachel Maddow thing. It wasn’t good. Let’s recap then get to Stephen Colbert taking a shit all over it.
(more…)

  By now you’ve probably heard about that Rachel Maddow thing. It wasn’t good. Let’s recap then get to Stephen Colbert taking a shit all over it.

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Amanda Seyfried’s Hacked Photos Are Her Blowing Justin LongBy toddMarch 16, 2017
Amanda Seyfried’s Hacked Photos Are Her Blowing Justin Long

 

Another hacker got a bunch of naked pics of female celebrities again in what’s being called  The Fappening 2.0. Great. Emma Watson got hacked, but Emma Watson never seemed like the type to respond to “send nudes”, so all they got was her trying on bathing suits and shit. Amanda Seyfried on the other, well, she was trying on bathing suits. She wasn’t trying on bathing suits at all.

The explicit pictures allegedly show Seyfried, who is now pregnant with her first child, performing sex acts with then-boyfriend Justin Long.

I’m not going to post the pictures here, because that’s lame, but I’ve seen them. I feel sorry for Justin Long. to be honest. Because I just found out his last name is ironic. I feel sorry for Amanda Seyfried as well, but she looks great, so I hope that’s some kind of consolation. Probably not though, huh? Oh, and they have more.

The hacker promised to release X-rated photos of more than a dozen stars. Included were: Kylie Jenner, Marisa Tomei, Giada de Laurentiis and more of Jennifer Lawrence, Abigail Spencer and Victoria Justice.

Jennifer Lawrence got hit the last time, and for some reason she got hit again. Like, how many naked pics does this chick take? Does she require multiple phones for storage purposes? Did she have to send that many to get out of her X-Men contract? It just seems like she takes a lot. Her iCloud has to be on some kind of anti-anxiety meds by now.

 

Nudes

  Another hacker got a bunch of naked pics of female celebrities again in what’s being called  The Fappening 2.0. Great. Emma Watson got hacked, but Emma Watson never seemed…

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