Will Smith Is The Genie In Disney’s Live-Action ‘Aladdin’, Is Racist Or SomethingBy toddJuly 17, 2017
Will Smith Is The Genie In Disney’s Live-Action ‘Aladdin’, Is Racist Or Something

 

When we first heard about the casting for Disney’s live-action Aladdin, it was about how they couldn’t find actors to play Aladdin and Jasmine. They finally settled on a Middle Eastern dude and a half-Indian to play Jasmine. Awesome! Two non-white people as the leads in a big budget movie! That’s great, right?! It’s 2017, so of course not lol. Aladdin set in a fictional place in the Middle East so Jasmine being half-Indian is PROBLEMATIC OMG. It’s imperative to cast real Arab actors in a movie live-action remake of a cartoon about a dude and a chick flying on a magic carpet if you want to be truly woke. Think of the children! Anyway, none of that matters, because they might as well cast my Starbucks cup as Aladdin and Jasmine, because Aladdin is gonna be the Will Smith Show.

Disney has officially found its Aladdin, Jasmine, and Genie for the live-action “Aladdin” remake. The three cast members were announced at the D23 Expo on Saturday. The House of Mouse may have been having problems finding its titular Aladdin for the remake of the 1992 animated classic prior to D23 this weekend, but the same cannot be said for Jasmine and Genie. Naomi Scott has officially been cast as Princess Jasmine, while Will Smith will be taking on the Genie. Relative newcomer Mena Massoud has also joined the cast as Aladdin.

Man, I big budget movie that’ll have a wide release that has a brown man, a brown chick, and a black man as the three leads. Let’s pop the champagne for representa—oh wait, no, the movie’s still racist. Everything is racist.

While the prospect of having a person of color star in this film seems enticing, it really is not doing much for us. Aladdin strung together a few generalizations about North Africans, South East and South Asians, and blurred out our distinctions. The movie takes place in the fake city of Agrabah—combining together “Agra,” the historical city in northern India, with “Bah” to make it sound more Middle Eastern, I guess. The lack of specificity and care that went into the story is also the reason it doesn’t matter who the lead of this movie is, as long as he’s vaguely brown and maybe Muslim.

Exactly, that’s all little Arab, Middle Eastern, and Indian girls and boys will be thinking about when they go see this. The actual history of the Middle East and Central Asia instead cheering about all the sick ass carpet flips. If you need  movie to validate your existence, there might be some self-loathing involved there. Sorry you had to hear it this way.

  When we first heard about the casting for Disney’s live-action Aladdin, it was about how they couldn’t find actors to play Aladdin and Jasmine. They finally settled on a…

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Kate Upton’s & Alexandra Daddario’s Boobs Fight Each Other In A MovieBy toddJuly 14, 2017
Kate Upton’s & Alexandra Daddario’s Boobs Fight Each Other In A Movie

 

The trailer for The Layover dropped yesterday, and if you ever wanted a movie about Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario talking about their boobs, playing with their boobs, or popping out their boobs to impress a dude they just met, this is the movie for you. This movie looks like it set the Bechdel Test on fire then hit it with a coordinated nuclear strike. There has to be a 5,000 word draft about this trailer waiting for somebody to publish it over at Teen Vogue or Jezebel by now. Maybe Lindy West will write something when she gets back from Golden Corral.

 

  The trailer for The Layover dropped yesterday, and if you ever wanted a movie about Kate Upton and Alexandra Daddario talking about their boobs, playing with their boobs, or…
Sharon Tate’s Sister Says Jennifer Lawrence Is Too Ugly To Play Sharon TateBy toddJuly 14, 2017
Sharon Tate’s Sister Says Jennifer Lawrence Is Too Ugly To Play Sharon Tate

 

It’s looking more likely that Margot Robbie will be playing Sharon Tate in Quentin Tarantino’s Manson movie, but that didn’t keep Sharon Tate’s sister, Debra Tate, to say what we’re all thinking. Also, LOL.

Margot Robbie has the chops and beauty to play Sharon Tate in a Quentin Tarantino movie about the Manson murders, but Jennifer Lawrence … not so much, at least according to Sharon’s sister. Debra Tate told us if the Sharon role comes down to Margot or Jennifer … Margot’s the clear choice … and it’s not ONLY because of looks. Sounds like an unkind cut, but Debra explained why she’s not taking a shot at J Law.

That’s such a Debra thing to say. You can watch the video of Debra here, or you can look at this picture of Sharon Tate and imagine Margot Robbie doing that until Jennifer Lawrence burns an X in head and kills her.

 

Sharon Tate

 

  It’s looking more likely that Margot Robbie will be playing Sharon Tate in Quentin Tarantino’s Manson movie, but that didn’t keep Sharon Tate’s sister, Debra Tate, to say what…

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Zendaya And Tom Holland Are Dating NowBy toddJuly 14, 2017
Zendaya And Tom Holland Are Dating Now

 

In what might be the most adorable couple of 2017, Spider-Man: Homecoming‘s Tom Holland and Zendaya are now dating. Take it away, People.

“They started seeing each other while they were filming Spider-Man,” says the source. “They’ve been super careful to keep it private and out of the public eye but they’ve gone on vacations with each other and try and spend as much time as possible with one another.” Adds an insider: “They’re both really ambitious and they challenge each other — but, most importantly, they make each other crack up. They seem to have a really similar sense of humor and love joking around together. They have great banter back and forth.”

Tom Holland seems super chill and funny in real life. That sounds like it would be good news to Zendaya. And Zendaya seems super chill and funny in real life and is also hot. That sounds like it would be good news to Tom Holland. Zom Holland? ZenTom? Hollandaya? Sorry, I’m new at this.

 

  In what might be the most adorable couple of 2017, Spider-Man: Homecoming‘s Tom Holland and Zendaya are now dating. Take it away, People. “They started seeing each other while…

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Beyonce Posted A Pic Of Her TwinsBy toddJuly 14, 2017
Beyonce Posted A Pic Of Her Twins

 

First, can we mention that Beyonce‘s professional Instagram photographer is way better than Taylor Swift’s? I just wanted to point that out before we get into this whole thing about the twins. So yeah, the twins were born a month ago today and I guess they’re out of the hospital now. The girl’s name is Rumi and the boy’s name is Sir Carter. So Rumi Carter and….Sir Carter Carter? Beyonce and Jay Z are smart people, so I’m sure they picked up on this already or somebody slowly raised their hand and mentioned it to them. Or maybe his name is Sir and the girl’s name is Rumi 1. It’s all so confusing.

 

Sir Carter and Rumi 1 month today.

A post shared by Beyoncé (@beyonce) on

  First, can we mention that Beyonce‘s professional Instagram photographer is way better than Taylor Swift’s? I just wanted to point that out before we get into this whole thing…

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Ariana Grande Is Now An Honorary Citizen Of ManchesterBy toddJuly 13, 2017
Ariana Grande Is Now An Honorary Citizen Of Manchester

 

After Ariana Grande‘s first Manchester concert got blowed up because we’re still measuring which deity’s dick is bigger or whatever, she came back 13 days later and put on a benefit concert and raised a bunch of money.

Councillors voted unanimously at a sometimes emotional meeting to award the distinction after the pop singer’s involvement in the One Love benefit concert in aid of the victims of the bomb…The 23-year-old is recognised for her efforts in organising the charity concert at the Old Trafford cricket ground, which featured Coldplay, Justin Bieber and Katy Perry. Grande helped to raise almost £3m when she returned to Manchester to perform at the concert 13 days after the suicide bombing, which struck at the end of her Dangerous Woman concert. The singer also visited a number of injured children in hospital following the attack. Her mother, Joan, who ushered concertgoers to safety backstage after the explosion in the arena foyer, was seen walking through the One Love Manchester crowd telling young fans not to give in to fear at the benefit concert on 4 June.

Ariana Grande posted her thank you on Instagram, but I assume she won’t be back to Manchester unless somebody there discovers a new type of ponytail. Because, well, Muslims really like blowing stuff up and running people over in Europe. America has the Muslims who left Iran and other places when the new government told them they couldn’t wear skirts or go to college and now they have kids. Those are cool. Europe has the Muslims whose moms had to wear jean skirts and Keds or whatever the Muslim equivalent to the Duggars are. No cool, in my opinion!

  After Ariana Grande‘s first Manchester concert got blowed up because we’re still measuring which deity’s dick is bigger or whatever, she came back 13 days later and put on…

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Shia LaBeouf Is Sorry He’s A Drunk AssholeBy toddJuly 13, 2017
Shia LaBeouf Is Sorry He’s A Drunk Asshole

 

If you haven’t heard by now, Shia LaBeouf was arrested in Savannah last weekend for disorderly conduct and obstruction and for being drunk off his ass.  Ok, I live in Atlanta. I’ve been to Savannah many times. Savannah’s welcome sign should read, “Welcome to Savannah. Get Drunk, It’s How We Make Money”. So Shia LaBeouf had to be so drunk he was annoying a town full of drunk people so much the police had to arrest him. Roll the tape!

(more…)

  If you haven’t heard by now, Shia LaBeouf was arrested in Savannah last weekend for disorderly conduct and obstruction and for being drunk off his ass.  Ok, I live in…

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Quentin Tarantino Is Doing A Charles Manson MovieBy toddJuly 13, 2017
Quentin Tarantino Is Doing A Charles Manson Movie

 

For Quentin Tarantino‘s 9th film, there will be people talking for two hours then when they stop talking they will be violently killed. You know, like every Tarantino movie. Tarantino movies are awesome.

Quentin Tarantino’s next film will explore one of the most infamous murders of all time. Sources tell Variety that Tarantino’s upcoming movie, which the filmmaker has already written and will direct, will focus on the Manson family murders. Insiders close to the project indicate that while no one is attached or has read for a part yet, Tarantino is expected to court A-list talent. Margot Robbie and Jennifer Lawrence are being considered for the role of Sharon Tate, and Brad Pitt may be approached to play Vincent Bugliosi, the lawyer who prosecuted the family. The tragedy occurred on Aug. 8, 1969, when cult leader Charles Manson — an unemployed convict and failed musician — ordered a group of his followers to attack the guests of a house in Los Angeles’ Benedict Canyon. The followers brutally murdered everyone at the home, including Tate, who was eight months pregnant at the time.

First, can we not with Jennifer Lawrence? She’s not a good actor. We all know this, we just don’t want to admit it to ourselves. Let her go paint herself blue and stand in front of a green screen, and leave the Tarantino movies to hotter blondes who can act (see below). Also, let’s make Walter Goggins as Charles Manson. Unless Tarantino has already promised the part to Samuel L. Jackson, it’s the only casting choice.

 

  For Quentin Tarantino‘s 9th film, there will be people talking for two hours then when they stop talking they will be violently killed. You know, like every Tarantino movie….

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DeRay McKesson Thinks ‘War Of The Planet Of The Apes’ Is About HimBy toddJuly 12, 2017
DeRay McKesson Thinks ‘War Of The Planet Of The Apes’ Is About Him

 

When self-serving hyperwokeness is the basis of your revenue stream, sometimes you have to reach all the way to the fucking moon to find something to make you feel oppressed. Shaun King is usually circling the moon if you ever make it there. DeRay Mckesson was there yesterday. He thought, because one single ape in War Of The Planet Of The Apes is wearing a blue vest, that the filmmakers and the studio specifically targeted him with a racially coded message in order to push their anti-black agenda. Imagine having your head that far up your own ass. Yes, you invented blue vests. You know, the blue vests the apes wore in the original Planet Of The Apes movies. And if you see an ape in a blue vest and you automatically see yourself in that, then you might practice some “self-care” as the young people like to do.

 

  When self-serving hyperwokeness is the basis of your revenue stream, sometimes you have to reach all the way to the fucking moon to find something to make you feel…
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The Rock Has A Presidential CampaignBy toddJuly 12, 2017
The Rock Has A Presidential Campaign

 

Since nothing matters and America has become a parody, people actually want Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to run for President. Cool.

Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has a campaign committee, a new Federal Election Commission filing shows. Kenton Tilford of Wheeling, West Virginia, filed a statement of organization titled “Run the Rock 2020” on Sunday. In case there was any doubt who he meant, Tilford listed his candidate of choice’s name as “Dwayne Douglas Johnson.” The committee is unauthorized, and its site directions to a Nation Builder account, the service which describes itself as “the world’s first platform for leaders, handcrafted from scratch to help you grow your community and lead them to action.”

The Rock can’t even make Baywatch great, but I’ll get behind this only if Kevin Hart is his running mate. The Rock is really tall and big and Kevin Hart is really short and small! Hahaha that’s super funny and people like that in the movies please shoot me in the head!

 

  Since nothing matters and America has become a parody, people actually want Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson to run for President. Cool. Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson has a campaign committee, a…

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