Demi Lovato Did ‘GMA’By toddAugust 18, 2017
Demi Lovato Did ‘GMA’

 

We have Nazis running wild in the streets, but if there’s anything that bring America together during these trying times, it’s seeing Demi Lovato‘s bland, awkward ass doing whatever she’s doing here first thing in the morning on your television. Thanks, Good Morning America. This is just what we all needed. I moved more typing this than she does here.

 

 

  We have Nazis running wild in the streets, but if there’s anything that bring America together during these trying times, it’s seeing Demi Lovato‘s bland, awkward ass doing whatever she’s…

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Elon Musk Reportedly Dumped Amber Heard Because She Lied All The TimeBy toddAugust 18, 2017
Elon Musk Reportedly Dumped Amber Heard Because She Lied All The Time

 

I was gonna write about how Tina Fey said we should all stress eat cake to fight white supremacy and racism, but liberal white ladies have been doing that for aw while and I don’t want to start and be accused of cultural appropriation. Besides, they’re great at. Nothing quite says neoliberalism quite like, “let them eat cake”. Anyway, here’s about Amber Heard/Elon Musk story that I know you were dying to know about. It comes from Star (via Cele|bitchy). Apparently Amber Heard lies a lot.

Elon Musk said he and Amber Heard split up because of the “distance,” but sources claim it was close encounters of the come-hither kind that sealed her fate. “Elon caught Amber in countless lies. She would tell him she was having a quiet night in when she was actually out clubbing,” says a source, adding that Amber didn’t act like she had a boyfriend while she was in Australia. “But Amber would always drop Elon’s name when she went shopping.” Friends did try to warn Musk that Johnny Depp’s ex-wife was a golddigger dressed in hand-me-downs. “Elon had to learn that the hard way,” says the pal. “He couldn’t see it at first, but Amber was just using him.”

Amber Heard likes wealthy white men and not so wealthy white women depending on the mood she’s in, so maybe she’s trying to tear down the patriarchy by making them go insane or having a judge make them donate all their money to charity? Noble, but that seem overly complicated.

 

banner pic = Instagram

  I was gonna write about how Tina Fey said we should all stress eat cake to fight white supremacy and racism, but liberal white ladies have been doing that…

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Danica Patrick Is Very FlexibleBy toddAugust 18, 2017
Danica Patrick Is Very Flexible

 

Here’s Danica Patrick in a bikini doing this thing by her pool at her new house. That butt looks pretty tight. For those not familiar with Danica Patrick, she’s a NASCAR and IndyCar driver, and if you look at this picture for longer than 15 minutes, she’ll eventually crash into that wall.

 

I have been craving this playful day by the pool!!!!!!! Thank you @stenhousejr for building our dreams!

A post shared by Danica Patrick (@danicapatrick) on

  Here’s Danica Patrick in a bikini doing this thing by her pool at her new house. That butt looks pretty tight. For those not familiar with Danica Patrick, she’s…

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Blac Chyna Is Selling Dolls Of HerselfBy toddAugust 18, 2017
Blac Chyna Is Selling Dolls Of Herself

 

I assume Blac Chyna was in a meeting trying to figure out how to keep cashing in on her Kardashian fame and somebody said, “lol Chyna dolls” as a joke and now this is where we are. It’s important for little girls and boys to know they can grow up to be thots if they so choose. If these dolls don’t come with a bag of Hot Cheetos, they’re missing a great marketing strategy in my opinion.

 

  I assume Blac Chyna was in a meeting trying to figure out how to keep cashing in on her Kardashian fame and somebody said, “lol Chyna dolls” as a…

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Emily Sears Is For Friday & LinksBy toddAugust 18, 2017

patreon.com/emilysears #belfie

A post shared by Emily Sears (@emilysears) on

 

Peter Dinklage wants GoT fans to stop buying Huskies  [  Dlisted  ]

The inevitable happened to Bella Thorne  (NSFW)   [  Taxi Driver Movie  ]

Katherine McPhee took a topless pic   [  DrunkenStepfather   ]

Kate Upton continues the downward spiral  [  Popoholic  ]

#FBF Salma Hayek‘s Campari Calendar  [  Egotastic  ]

Hailey Clauson in lingerie [  Hollywood Tuna  ]

Alesha Dixon is see through (NSFW site)  [  The Nip Slip   ]

Jennifer Aniston is very, very rich  [  Moe Jackson   ]

Nobody wants to fund Tom Hiddleston‘s new movie   [  Cele|bitchy   ]

Ric Flair has multiple organ failures because 2017 is horrible  [  The Blemish  ]

patreon.com/emilysears #belfie A post shared by Emily Sears (@emilysears) on Aug 17, 2017 at 4:30pm PDT   Peter Dinklage wants GoT fans to stop buying Huskies  [  Dlisted  ] The inevitable happened…

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Ariel Winter’s Breasts Announce Season 9 Of ‘Modern Family’By toddAugust 17, 2017

First day back filming #ModernFamily season 9

A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on

 

There’s plenty of ways Ariel Winter could have announced she was filming season 9 of Modern Family, but remember, this is Ariel Winter. She has large breasts and wants to remind us at every opportunity. She also has a very big ass. I believe Ariel Winter is the only current topic where you should listen to both sides.

 

First day back filming #ModernFamily season 9 A post shared by ARIEL WINTER (@arielwinter) on Aug 15, 2017 at 9:20am PDT   There’s plenty of ways Ariel Winter could have…

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Clay Aiken Apologized For Not Believing Trump Might Be RacistBy toddAugust 17, 2017
Clay Aiken Apologized For Not Believing Trump Might Be Racist

 

2017 is such a dead baby thrown in the garbage that we have to hear Clay Aiken‘s name again (I’m from NC and this triggers me), but even though he ran for Congress as a Democrat in 2014 (also in NC), he defended Trump against accusations against racism even despite the fact Trump didn’t rent to black people, the time Trump pushed for the death penalty for the Central Park 5 (they were all innocent), the Mexican thing, the Muslim thing, and literally every other sign. I guess saying, “some Nazis might be good people” is something white people can’t easily digest.

 

 

I had a joke written for this, but I thought this was way funnier. Enjoy!

 

 

  2017 is such a dead baby thrown in the garbage that we have to hear Clay Aiken‘s name again (I’m from NC and this triggers me), but even though…

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Ben Affleck Isn’t Doing ‘The Batman’ Says Casey AffleckBy toddAugust 16, 2017
Ben Affleck Isn’t Doing ‘The Batman’ Says Casey Affleck

 

DC has made one watchable movie out of three, Justice League sounds like a dumpster fire, The Batman has had more directors that Trump’s FBI, and every time you ask Ben Affleck about it, he gets fucking annoyed. So, it doesn’t seem like an impossibility that Affleck would turn into Billy Zane at the end of Titanic and start ripping lifeboats out of WB exec wives’ hands to jump off that sinking, lame ass ship. Enter, Casey Affleck.

 

Speaking on the WEEI Sports Radio Network, Affleck was asked about his brother’s upcoming The Batman with Matt Reeves. Jump to 6:03 (via Cosmic Book News) to see Casey Affleck crush a lot of neck beard dreams.

 

  DC has made one watchable movie out of three, Justice League sounds like a dumpster fire, The Batman has had more directors that Trump’s FBI, and every time you…

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Luc Besson Says ‘Captain America’ Is PropagandaBy toddAugust 15, 2017
Luc Besson Says ‘Captain America’ Is Propaganda

 

Maybe it’s because Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was bigger bomb than anything North Korea has, but director Luc Besson really, really hates movies that aren’t. Specifically, superhero movies. More specifically, Captain America. In an interview with Brazil’s Cinepop, Besson had this to say (thanks to Cinemablend for the translation):

“What bothers me most is it’s always here to show the supremacy of America and how they are great,” he said. “I mean, which country in the world would have the guts to call a film ‘Captain Brazil’ or ‘Captain France’? I mean, no one! We would be like so ashamed and say, ‘No, no, come on, we can’t do that.’ They can. They can call it ‘Captain America’ and everybody think it’s normal. I’m not here for propaganda, I’m here to tell a story.”

Besson is French, right? This sounds very French. But to answer his question, “Captain Brazil” and “Captain France” probably wouldn’t scare a lot of Nazis. They sound like they’d be super into soccer.

 

  Maybe it’s because Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets was bigger bomb than anything North Korea has, but director Luc Besson really, really hates movies that aren’t….
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Taylor Swift Won Her Ass-Grabbing Lawsuit, Asked For $1.00By toddAugust 15, 2017
Taylor Swift Won Her Ass-Grabbing Lawsuit, Asked For $1.00



You can read Taylor Swift’s brutal/hilariously passive aggressive testimony at her ass-grabbing trial, or you can skip it and just know that’s probably why she won.

After nearly four hours of deliberation, a jury ruled in favor of pop star Taylor Swift in her countersuit against former radio host David Mueller for alleged assault and battery. Swift accused Mueller of groping her at a meet-and-greet event in June 2013. He will be required to pay $1 in damages to Swift….In a statement, Swift thanked the judge and her legal team for “fighting for me and anyone who feels silenced by a sexual assault.” “I acknowledge the privilege that I benefit from in life, in society and in my ability to shoulder the enormous cost of defending myself in a trial like this,” Swift added in the statement, obtained by CNN. “My hope is to help those whose voices should also be heard. Therefore, I will be making donations in the near future to multiple organizations that help sexual assault victims defend themselves.”

It’s been a really bad week for white dudes. They’ve taken so many L’s it’s hard to keep up. Like, Taylor Swift countersued this dude who stuck his whole hand up her ass, not for monetary damages, but just to savagely humiliate him in front of everybody for putting her through emotional hell. She’s probably gonna light some incense with that dollar he’s gotta pay her even though that dollar is figuratively priceless. Respect. I really want to grab her ass now if she says it’s okay.

You can read Taylor Swift’s brutal/hilariously passive aggressive testimony at her ass-grabbing trial, or you can skip it and just know that’s probably why she won. After nearly four hours…

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