Every ‘Suicide Squad’ Review: Shit Sucks

Suicide Squad Reviews

Goddammit. Suicide Squad has a 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. There’s people trying to shut them down, which is weird since I wouldn’t think they’d have enough spare time to do that while posting all the Jill Stein memes. Anyway, I’m in the first stage of grief. In their review entitled, “Suicide Squad Is A Chaotic, Manic, and Total Mess“, Gizmodo gave a take:

Unfortunately, once the assembled team begins their mission, that’s where Suicide Squad starts to go off the rails. The goal of the Squad’s mission is incredibly ambiguous, gets even murkier as the narrative unfolds, and then falls apart once all is revealed at the end. Plus, the at least partially cohesive tone of the first act of the film segues into a second act that’s radically different in tone, and more of a war movie than anything else. Characters spend a good 20-30 minutes walking around just getting into gun fights. If Suicide Squad were merely an action movie, this would be exciting, but these characters are villains, some of whom have superpowers. Merely seeing them shoot guns at things isn’t that exciting. In a way, the film mirrors the actual Squad itself—a bunch of interesting parts that would often work better alone than together.

And that’s one of the more positive reviews. Not sure if he’s in denial or if Warner Bros. made him say it, but director David Ayer shot off this tweet.

Now, I’ve seen Harsh Times. I’ve seen Training Day. I’ve seen End of Watch. I’ve seen Street Kings. I’ve seen Fury. I can say pretty confidently that David Ayer didn’t forget how to make a good movie overnight. I can also now say pretty confidently that Warner Bros. and DC couldn’t make a decent movie if they’re fucking lives depended on it. They give Zack Snyder free reign on Man of Steel.  The only good thing you can say about that movie is that at least it wasn’t as bad as Superman III. They gave him free reign again on Batman v Superman. It’s a piece of shit. Sorry. I know you really wanted to be great and you told people it would be great and now you have to keep saying its great, but it’s not great. It’s shit. And don’t even bring up the Ultimate Edition, because yeah, the extra 30 minutes made three things kinda sorta make sense, but its still garbage. Say what you want in the comments, I won’t read it. Accept it and move on with your life. So, as his reward, they gave Zack Snyder free reign over Justice League. Then we saw the “trailer“. That dumb ass, course correction trailer where Bruce Wayne has finally started taking Paxil and a man who talks to fish drinks liquor in slo mo. Just go away. Send Zack Snyder to do BMW commercials where he can make shit look “cool” without needing any talent to tell a story then go away. But not before you explain how you get an actual filmmaker for Suicide Squad, then you panicked and couldn’t wait to step all over his dick so he wouldn’t make a movie like Zack Snyder that he ended up making one. Delete your company.

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