Taylor Swift was walking in LA on Saturday with her legs in these shorts, and if I would have known, I would have showed up and I could have bought her a Mother’s Day card then next day. Because she would be pregnant. Pregnant by me. See, I would have had sex with her on Saturday thereby fertilizing her egg and she would have been pregnant on Sunday hence the Mother’s Day card. I probably would have included $20 bill or a Chili’s gift card inside because I like my women to feel special on their special day.