The Super Bowl is usually the most boring game of the NFL season, so who better to ensure it stays boring than Katy Perry? She’s an auto-tuned pair of tits who rhymes “Mariah Carey” with “Japanese-y”. Fun for the whole family.
There are unconfirmed reports claiming Perry is set to star in the Super Bowl XLIX halftime show next February, beating out Coldplay and Rihanna for the gig. While it remains to be seen whether the pop star will take over sports’ biggest stage, there is no question that Katy Perry is perfect for the Super Bowl.
Roger Goodell has made it clear that anybody on the field can punch Katy Perry at least once without a lifetime ban, so hopefully they’ll use the opportunity to take one for the humanity team. I mean, they’re already at the Super Bowl, and teams usually don’t make it back the next year, so go ahead and serve that suspension when you know you won’t make the playoffs anyway. This, of course, doesn’t apply to Dallas Cowboys’ players, because it’s pretty hard to punch someone through your television. I mean, you could, but it would take a better understanding of physics and time travel. It’s pretty complicated stuff.