Cosmopolitan has been raging a war against women for as long as I can remember, but instead of denying them birth control or equal rights, they turn women into overthinking balls of neurosis with each quiz and “50 Ways To Blow His Mind In Bed” lists (Ladies: You only have to do one thing, two things maybe if it’s my birthday). That being said, Emily Ratajkowski is on the cover because she went from being in a video about hypersexualized women to a movie about a woman who faked her own disappearance to frame her husband for her murder (Oh, sorry. Spoiler alert!). These ends of the spectrum have apparently met somewhere in the middle, and now she’s a breakout star who is “here to stay”. Man, that’s a really empowering story. They should dress her up so her rack is hanging out so they can a way to visually convey they just pissed all over their own message. Kudos.