Drake Banged A Stripper, Regretted It Immediately

Drake

 

Wait, people still have sex with strippers? That’s, like, still a thing?

A stripper claims Drake’s people threatened her after the singer had sex with her … and now there’s an official police investigation … TMZ has learned. The Houston PD confirms to TMZ … they’ve launched an investigation … but the official document only identifies the male party as a “possible celebrity.” We’ve learned the stripper — Jhonni Blaze — told cops she and Drake had sex one time and he believed she was going to talk publicly about it. Blaze says that’s when Drake began “angrily” texting her.

Drake cries and hugs a lot because his real name is Aubrey, so I think he probably sent her a bunch of texts with frowny faces and sad emojis and maybe a link to a YouTube video of a Frozen song, but since 5 out of 5 strippers are on coke, her paranoia might have just taken it the wrong way. And Drake’s eyes are really far apart, so maybe she thought he was amphibious alien creature who walks among us undetected. Let’s not be too quick to dismiss her theory.

 

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