Charlie Sheen was about to make a porn star his fourth wife, because “fourth wife” and “porn star” are solid foundations and what the founders of marriage had in mind when they promised their daughter’s virginity in exchange for lands and/or goats. And if she was virgin and hot, sometimes they got both. Land and goats! What a great deal! Also, he’s not getting married anymore!
Charlie Sheen started off the year by tweeting that he had married Brett Rossi, otherwise known as his girlfriend Scotty, in Iceland. He was just kidding. But he has been engaged to her and the two were planning to tie the knot before the end of the year.Not anymore. The engagement is off. “Scotty and I had a great year together as we traveled the world and crossed a lot of things off our bucket list,” he says in a statement to Gossip Cop. “She’s a terrific gal — but we’ve mutually decided to go our separate ways and not spend the rest of our lives together.”
The “rest of our lives together” sounds great, but Charlie Sheen is 49, so he’ll be dead pretty soon, so why not just bang other porn stars instead without having to support them financially? I feel this is a better business practice than the goats thing.