Hey, another The Fappening might happen this weekend, but on Friday, The Fingering(?) might happen because you’ll get to see full Ben Affleck dick in Gone Girl. Bryan Singer already pre-ordered his ticket on Fandango.
But before you make your appointment with a competent psychotherapist, you can make a plan to see “Gone Girl” when it opens in theaters on October 3! Because Affleck himself has promised that this movie will feature his, er, Big Ben. “It’s ironic, because David [Fincher] said to me from the beginning, this is a warts and all movie. It can have no vanity. You have to see the naked underbelly of this character,” Affleck continued. And yes, when he says “naked underbelly,” he means it literally as well as figuratively. “There’s some brief, ah, very brief nudity, I think,” Affleck hedged. But when reminded that people might well be going to see “Gone Girl” for literally no other reason than to get a glimpse of his wang, he capitulated. “The penis is in there!” Affleck said. “It’s IMAX penis! You’ve gotta pay fifteen bucks to see it in 3D… it’s better in 3D.” And before you go saying mean things about Ben’s Affleck on the internet, the actor has an announcement to make: “You should know it was very cold.”
I really don’t care to see Ben Affleck’s penis, so all I really have to add to this is that if they change the ending of the book, I’m afraid of what my reaction will be. I’m seriously considering firing off a really passive aggressive tweet to 20th Century Fox. Also, lol at people who tweet companies like the companies give a shit. Settle down there, bro.