Good Morning, Selena Gomez

Selena Gomez Instagram


While Selena Gomez slowly morphs into a Kardashian, she’s still pretty hot, and like most women, she’ll wake up on her 30th birthday and realize she wasted her 20s on a random string of douches who she thought she could change because the oxytocin clouded her judgment and she’ll find out too late that she wasn’t in love she was just dickmatized. Then she’ll have her own reality show where she looks for love from a “real man”, because she’ll suddenly have super high standards and would “rather be alone than settle”. That will probably be the first chapter in her self-help book for single women in their 30s who find themselves having to bring their money to bars and scrolling cat adoption agencies for the first time. Because they’ll convince themselves that they’re strong women who don’t need a man at that point, but most of their friends are guys because they just can’t deal with “girl drama”, and they don’t get along with people at their job, because she’s a “boss bitch who tells it like it is” and people just can’t handle a strong woman who knows what she wants. Except what she really wants is to go home and pin stuff to her Pintrest dream wedding board and watch Scandal.

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