Hayden Panettiere Is Super Pregnant

With all the unrest happening in the world right now, we seemed to have overlooked what appears to be a scientific breakthrough in interspecies procreation, because garden gnome¬† Hayden Panettiere attended the Enmmys last night still carrying Russian government experiment Wladimir Klitschko‘s unborn “child”. It’s only a matter of time before it claws through her vagina and terrorizes villagers and disemboweling farm animals for sport, but his mother looks absolutely radiant here. She also seems to have gotten pregnant in her ass. I slept through most of my biology classes so I didn’t know that was a thing.

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