Happy Birthday, America

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Hey, America. How ya doin? Just wanted to stop by and say you still look kinda good for your age, but I hope when you go to the pool party today, you realize you're not the hottest one there anymore. I mean, don't get me wrong, millions of dudes would hit that, but everybody who was invited pretty much knows you're kind of a bitch and don't know how to mind your business. And like most once hot chicks, everybody knows you're crazy and just doesn't wann have to deal with you, but they have to because the party is at your house. Everyone there just wants to be friends, but you've pissed a lot of people off in the past, and some of those will never forgive you because you can't just admit to yoursefl that you're biploar and want to impose your values and beliefs on people then beating the shit out them after they call you out for being behind on your mortage and leaving your kid in a hot car while you were sexting dudes at work. But you can change all that if you just take some time to focus on yourself, relax, have a drink, smoke a bowl,  go get laid, and stop stressing about what your neighbors are doing. We all still love you, and we're all still pulling for you.

 

Note: See ya Monday, homeys.

 

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