Stacy Keibler Married This Dude

Stacy Keibler Married

 

The last time we heard from Stacy Keibler, she got dumped by George Clooney after she sensed she was about to mouth the words, "hey, we should get married". And that was like what, two weeks ago? It seems like that happened two weeks ago. But the Asian recovering cancer patient (I think, haven't confirmed) above is her new husband. His name is Jared Pobre. Apparently he gets most of his points like Kevin Love: off rebounds. People reports:

Stacy Keibler married tech entrepreneur Jared Pobre in an intimate sunset ceremony on a beach in Mexico on Saturday, PEOPLE has exclusively learned. "My happiness is indescribable!" Keibler, 34, tells PEOPLE. "Marriage is the ultimate bond of love and friendship. It means putting all your faith and trust into a person that you can't help but believe is your soul mate. Someone who has all of your best interests at heart; someone handpicked for you, to help you grow and be the best person that you can be. Jared is all of this for me."

Dammit. I was all ready to make a joke, then Stacy had to be all sweet and shit. Good for her, but especially good for him. He probably couldn't have pulled this with a chain and a monster truck if the words before his name weren't "tech entrepreneur". Or maybe he could have. I don't know the dude. What makes you think I did? Are you saying all of us brown guys know each other? Is that what you meant? Because I don't rem…oh, no. Oh, no. Wait, hold up. What do you mean by "you people"?

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