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Kate Upton attended the 50th Anniversary of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition, and being on the cover is probably going to be the top bullet point on her resume when she "retires" in 8 years and is looking for a Saudi prince or a French billionaire to marry her. Mostly because, no matter how hot a chick is in her 20s, they all (they all) hit the wall like Dale Earnhardt around 28. When they hit 35, you might as well throw them off the cliff like the Spartans did with deformed babies, because the hotness will be a long, distant memory. And while they're hot, the majority of non-famous chicks think they'll be hot forever, so they date and bang bar owners, DJs, club promoters, tattoo artists, and musicians. Then when they hit 28, they'll marry the first dude who calls them back the morning. That's usually Harold in accounting with the 2004 Chrysler Seabreeze because he's gone more than a year without his power being disconnected.  And if the patriarchy isn't cruel enough, most of us guys who bother to take care of themselves just get better looking with age, who then in turn, bang young chicks causing a never ending cycle of women hating each other. Anyway, when did Kate Upton get an ass? (had to end this post with a strong closer).

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