When law enforcement raided Justin Bieber's house on Tuesday to go on a, I don't know, and easter egg hunt, they found out that Michael Jackson really is his idol. Because he had lots of drugs in his house. And so did Michael Jackson. Remember that's how he died? What? Oh, nevermind, I'm wasting too much time with you explaining this. I'm not your dad. Wait, who told you that? TMZ reports:
Justin Bieber had drugs and drug paraphernalia strewn all over his house when it was raided Tuesday … but drugs were not on deputies' radar … TMZ has learned. Sources familiar with the situation tell TMZ … when L.A. County Sheriff's deputies searched the house … there were 2 large cookie jars filled with weed in plain view. There were also 4 – 5 empty codeine bottles in the mansion. There were also 3 bongs — 1 in the TV room and 2 in the kitchen. There were styrofoam cups scattered throughout the house that had elaborate drawings on them … including the names of the people who used them. The cups, we're told, were used for Sizzurp (also called lean) — which is Justin's drug of choice. We're told he likes to draw on the cups with markers after using them. And speaking of Sizzurp … Sprite is usually part of the mix, but we're told Justin preferred pineapple Fanta instead. There were empty Fanta bottles that were discolored … we're told from the codeine. There were lots of "swisher sweets" cigars laying around the house — Bieber's preferred way to smoke marijuana. And speaking of weed … we're told Justin has a dedicated smoking room in the house, complete with hookah pipes. Sources say when cops showed up … some of his friend went into the room and some of the illicit stuff went down the toilet. As for why cops didn't seize any of these items … law enforcement sources say they were not on the hunt for drugs — they were primarily looking for video equipment that may have been attached to surveillance cameras. In fact, cops probably couldn't pry and open jars and such, because it would have exceeded the scope of the search warrant.
I'm not gonna highlight all the important crap here, but uhhhh, sizzurp, weed, Swisher Sweets, and pineapple drank? This wigger realizes he's a Canadian living in a gated community in Calabassas, right? I mean, he has to know that, right? At least Elvis actually lived in Memphis. If somebody could hammer punch him that would be great. Sources tell me that when authorities served the warrant, Bieber answered the door in a top hat and said, "If you want to view paradise. Simply look around and view it". Then a bunch of midgets started singing about the dangers of overeating.