While the rest of the world was projectile vomiting at their screen during Miley Cyrus' performance during the MTV VMAs where we saw what having high self-esteem, no ass, and a tongue coach can trick people into thinking their sexy, Billy Ray Cyrus was writing and rewriting this statement he gave to ET.
"Of course I'll always be here for Miley. Can't wait to see her when she gets home," Billy Ray told ET's Nancy O'Dell exclusively. "She's still my little girl and I'm still her Dad regardless how this circus we call show business plays out. I love her unconditionally and that will never change."
Translation: "Bro, I wore acid washed skinny jeans and had a mullet like 20 years ago when I invented the white Electric Slide. I gotta ride this thing out, man. My son looks like Kat Von Disappointment, so I need somebody to pay the mortgage. And this pays better than her getting a job at a black strip club. She'd probably have to work during the day there anyway, and that's when most of the banks are open."