Because she's young and doesn't understand that the scrawny douche in the bedazzled hat she's dating isn't really a bad boy just because he pisses in mop buckets and has a bodyguards to protect him when he spits in somebody's face, Selena Gomez is still dating Justin Bieber giving her vagina the sads. She was also at the ESPYS last night, and I'd like to let her know when she has free time while Bieber is painting his nails or practicing ebonics with his swagger coach, I'd be more that happen to tend her Mexican garden. Unless Mexicans don't have gardens. Was that racist? Awww c'mon, baby. You know I didn't mean it like that.