Last week, New York Post reporter Linda Stasi wrote a review for Kris Jenner's new talk show, and as you might have expected, it was horrible. But since Kris Jenner is only used to dealing with E!, People, and Us Weekly, she thought she could send Stasi an expensive gift and the next review would be better. Long story short, she was wrong. So very, very, wrong. Here's Linda Stasi's response:
On Tuesday, I wrote a review of “Kris,” a horrible new talk show by the mother of all self-promoters, Kris Jenner. A few hours later, a messenger arrived at The Post bearing a dozen Magnolia cupcakes (see the need for Spanx, above) and one $325 sterling silver Tiffany pen. With a note. At first I thought maybe a grateful reader wanted to reward me for saying that Kris came across like a demented Norma Desmond, or that she had as much right to have a talk show as her talentless daughter had for hosting a talent show. But nooo. It was from Norma herself — Kris Jenner — who somehow thought it would be a great idea to send a journalist a hugely expensive pen with a note saying that I could use it to write her a better review next time. And you thought the fake wedding was bad form. I was concerned. Had Jenner’s publicist fallen into a debilitating coma and wasn’t able to tell her that reporters aren’t allowed to accept bribes — and that, in real life, people don’t get expensive free stuff for media whoring? Well, not all the time, anyway. So, Kris, let’s get something straight right here, right now. I cannot be bought — for a pen. A pen and pencil set, maybe — but just a pen? To improve your rating, Mrs. Kardashian-Jenner, either you somehow become interesting, which given the data seems as likely as the pope turning Jewish, or you do better with the bribes.
To guarantee that great four-star rating next time, simply follow this handy, sliding scale ratings chart:
Four stars — A new Lamborghini — and not the model car version either!
Three stars — Two crocodile Birkin bags.
Two stars — Set of very big studs — diamond, not Chippendale’s.
One star — How dare you think I can be bribed!
No stars: Keep on doing what you’re doing.
Good god, man. At the end of this, Linda Stasi should have posted a selfie of her drinking the blood from Kris Jenner's decapitated head. She could write a postive review when her defense attorney's daughter signs a production deal with E!.