Paula Deen's great-grandfather killed himself because he lost his fortune after slavery was abolished, because as it turns out, it's illegal to force people to work for free unless you own Huffington Post. So the irony of Paula Deen's buttered empire crumbling before our very eyes because she wants to bring slavery back shouldn't be lost on anyone. And since old, rich white women hate losing money, Deen went on the Today Show this morning to throw herself at the mercy of Matt Lauer. I don't know. She probably should have went on Wendy Williams.