Michael Douglas Says Putting His Mouth On Vaginas Gave Him Throat Cancer

Michael Douglas Oral Cancer

 

If I had to list my top three favorite hobbies, they would be 1.) cunnilingus, 2.) cunnilingus, and 3.) painting Civil War miniatures, so I'd like to thank Michael Douglas for ruining it for everybody. The Guardian reports:

Michael Douglas – the star of Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction – has revealed that his throat cancer was apparently caused by performing oral sex. Asked whether he now regretted his years of smoking and drinking, usually thought to be the cause of the disease, Douglas replied: “No. Because without wanting to get too specific, this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.” Douglas, the husband of Catherine Zeta Jones, continued: “I did worry if the stress caused by my son’s incarceration didn’t help trigger it. But yeah, it’s a sexually transmitted disease that causes cancer. And if you have it, cunnilingus is also the best cure for it.”

Just to put into perspective how this news effects me, this is like Sarah Jessica Parker telling women that all the shoes she bought gave her gangrene and now she has to get a robot foot. I'm going to need a moment.

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