Jessica Simpson Plans To Stay Fat



Hey, remember when Jessica Simpson said she would lose all her 400 pounds of pregnancy weight and look like Jessica Alba in a bikini? Then she signed a $3 million deal with Weight Watchers? Apparently that was a typo and she meant “Lessica Talba”, who I assume is alcoholic stress eater who drinks chocolate barbecue sauce to wash down her spaghetti peanut butter enchiladas. Radar Online reports:

“Jessica is losing weight slowly,” a friend close to Maxwell Drew Johnson’s mom told RadarOnline.com. “She’s not trying to drop 10 pounds a week or anything crazy like that. She wants to do it at her own pace and make sure she’s healthy.” Jessica hits the gym frequently with celebrity trainer Harley Paternak, and she’s a dedicated student, according to the source. “Her goal right now is to lose one pound a week and Harley’s training program is keeping her on that schedule,” the friend said. “Jessica is trying to work out as much as she can, but she is loving every minute of being a mom and never wants to leave her daughter.” Her plan to slowly drop the weight might not be the typical way a Hollywood star does things, but Jessica is doing it this way for her own reasons. “Jessica wants to be healthy for life, not just get super skinny quickly. She knows that she isn’t going to fit in size 0 jeans right away, she wants to be healthy for her daughter, her fiance and even any kids she might have in the future!”

So, let’s just cut the shit and understand that, “Jessica wants to be healthy for life, not just get super skinny quickly. She knows that she isn’t going to fit in size 0 jeans right away, she wants to be healthy for her daughter, her fiance and even any kids she might have in the future!”, is PR spin for, “Look, the bitch is fat, okay? What do you want from me? Bitch likes to eat, so I’m using the word ‘healthy’ to make women who actually take care of themselves feel bad and so we can have a built-in excuse if people make fun of Jessica’s weight. You know, man. The whole ‘real woman’ thing. Anyway, gotta go. Need to go shut down In ‘N Out because it’s Jessica’s snack time.” Glad we cleared all this up.

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By todd, July 19, 2012 93 comments