Paula Deen Has Type 2 Diabetes. Officially.

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“Hey, Tim. The key is to make sure the middle finger and the thumb are placed right below the white ring on the football, almost even with one another. The smaller fingers then grip the seams and the index finger gives the hand some stability behind the ball LOL.”

Paula Deen, beloved chef and sweet old lady who I want to hug while she makes me something with bacon and cheese in it, has finally addressed the rumors that she has Type 2 Diabetes. She does. How could this happen? She’s overweight with high blood pressure and a high-fat diet, her diagnosis seems so random. CURSE YOU GOD! People reports:

From fried chicken to mac and cheese casseroles, Paula Deen has made her mark on the culinary world – and in the homes of fans – with recipes that don’t skimp on cheese, cream and sugar. Not to mention butter … whole sticks of it. And even as she reveals that she is living with Type 2 Diabetes, she says it won’t stop her from eating the way she wants. “I was determined to share my positive approach and not let diabetes stand in the way of enjoying my life,” Deen said Tuesday in a release announcing her launch of Diabetes in a New Light™, geared toward finding “simple ways” to manage challenges of the disease. “I’m excited to team up with Novo Nordisk on this initiative to show others that managing diabetes does not have to stop you from enjoying the things you love.”

My biological father, Anthony Bourdain, who once called Deen “the most dangerous chef in America”, is now kicking her in the diabetes while she’s down.

“When your signature dish is hamburger in between a doughnut, and you’ve been cheerfully selling this stuff knowing all along that you’ve got Type 2 Diabetes … It’s in bad taste if nothing else,” he said. “How long has she known? I suspect a very long time.”

So, instead of changing her diet, Paula Deen is getting in bed with a pharmaceutical company to make money off her disease. And to make butter flavored insulin or something I guess. They’re just brainstorming at this point I think.

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