Mark Wahlberg Is A Fucking Moron



“I was a white rapper and I played a boxer one time. Shit woulda got real, son. See how I hold this Sharpie like a weapon?”

In an interview in the February 2012 issue of Men’s Jounal, Mark Wahlberg says he would have prevented 9/11 by simply being on the plane. Yes. You read that right.

“If I was on that plane with my kids, it wouldn’t have went down like it did. There would have been a lot of blood in that first-class cabin and then me saying, ‘OK, we’re going to land somewhere safely, don’t worry.’”

Everyone just let that sink in for a moment while I tell you about the time I saw Mark Wahlberg at ArcLight. He’s like 5’10″ in stilts. The only blood that would have been in that first-class cabin would have been from his aorta and his tears. Because I’m sure his terrorist survivor skills he learned getting a pedicure in the makeup trailer and complaining that there’s no soy milk at the craft services table would have made Islamic extremists on a suicide pact think twice before they crossed the guy from the underwear ads. Oh, no. Not him. Fuck that shit. I mean, I love Allah and errrything but you didn’t tell us that wigger from MTV’s Beach House was gonna be here.

Yo, it’s about that time. To bring forth the rhythm and the backpedaling apology (via TMZ):

“To suggest I would have done anything differently than the passengers on that plane was irresponsible.” But Mark admits he crossed the line — telling us, “To speculate about such a situation is ridiculous to begin with.” Mark adds, “I deeply apologize to the families of the victims that my answer came off as insensitive, it was certainly not my intention.”

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By todd, January 18, 2012 53 comments