Kristin Cavallari Couldn’t Take Any Chances This Time

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In April of last year, Chicago Bears quarterback Jay Cutler proposed to reality show slut Kristin Cavallari. In July, Kristin posed in wedding dresses for Life & Style. Two days later, Cutler dumped her ass. They reconciled in November and immediately Cavallari turned to page 1 of the Gold Digger Handbook to ensure Cutler would stick around this time. At least for 18 years. People report:

“We are thrilled to announce we are expecting our first child together,” they tell PEOPLE exclusively. “It’s an amazing time in our life and we can’t wait to meet the new addition to our growing family.” Shortly after Cavallari, 25, and her Chicago Bears quarterback beau, 28, renewed their engagement, the former Hills star and Dancing with the Stars contestant said, “Sometimes, in order for things to get better, they have to end – even if it’s momentarily.”

To be honest, I really should be letting Admiral Akbar write this post because his description would likely be more accurate, but for Bears’ fans I hope Lovie Smith can sign Kristin Cavallari’s uterus as a starting wide receiver and talk the NFL into allowing this to count towards Jay Cutler’s completion percentage.

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