Paula Abdul Wanted To Bang Simon Cowell, Got Shot Down

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This seems like news, but in the back of you’re mind you probably already knew it happened. Sort of like when Sarah Jessica Parker reveals she’s really been dead for ten years. Us Magazine reports:

“I mean, the truth was, on the first two seasons, we couldn’t travel on the same plane together. We really disliked each other that much,” Cowell told Walters, arguing that they clashed due to “sexual tension…on her part.” Asked by Walters if Cowell thought Abdul, 49, wanted a relationship with the reality mogul, the acerbic Brit replied “a million percent.” “I considered it, but then I thought, ‘I don’t think the after would be as good as the before.’ I’d let her stay for a few hours, but then it would have to be goodnight,” he joked.

The after is never as good as the before, especially when the chick is clinically insane. Like Paula Abdul. She just seems like she’d give me a season tickets to Panthers’ games tucked inside a case of microbrew just to warm me up so she could casually introduce the idea of a bear trap on my dick during sex.

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