Nobody Is Buying Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy

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Wait, you mean to tell me that nobody wants to pay money to see an airbrushed drug addict with fake teeth airbrushed by Pixar? It’s like I don’t understand the world anymore. Fox News reports:

Amidst the holiday melee, shoppers aren’t rushing to pick up their copy of the much-talked about Lindsay Lohan issue of Playboy this week. It was one thing to see Lohan’s nude Playboy spread when it was leaked on the Internet last week. It’s another experience entirely to see the 10 pages of photos in person in the magazine, which hit newsstands Friday. But not many consumers are paying for that experience. In fact, interest seems low in seeing Lohan’s intensely air-brushed impersonation of Marilyn Monroe in glossy print…No one has bought it,” was the resounding answer to our query at each stop. It shouldn’t come as a surprise. Once the photos were leaked, the response to the spread, for which Playboy paid a reported $1 million, were lukewarm across the board. “I’m not surprised at all. Despite Playboy’s hype, there was nothing particularly shocking or new about this shoot. While these shots may have been slightly closer to full frontal than Lindsay’s previous shots, they weren’t actually full frontal; there was also nothing particularly new about Lindsay dressing up as Marilyn Monroe,” says Lux Alptraum, editor of “I thought the shots were really boring and didn’t really live up to the promises Playboy had made,” Alptraum added. “If they’d actually gotten full frontal shots of Lindsay, or come up with a fresher, more interesting concept, there might have been more demand for the photos.”

Hugh Hefner basically knew it wasn’t going to sell, but he’s old and senile.

In an exclusive interview with E! News Hugh Hefner himself admitted that he originally had doubts about including Lohan in the magazine and putting her on the cover. “It really came as a surprise to me,” Hefner told E! “I kind of had mixed emotions about it initially, and then it turned into something bigger than life. “I wasn’t quite sure where she was at in her life, obviously. It depends on whether it’s Tuesday or Thursday.”

I wouldn’t pay Lindsay Lohan to kill herself, so I’m not sure why Playboy would pay all that when all you have to do is get on Google and type “lindsay lohan nude”. Or just show up at her house with some white stuff in a ziploc bag. She’d be spreading out a tarp and pouring lube in her ass before she even realizes she just snorted flour.

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