Michelle Duggar Had A Miscarriage

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On Thursday, doctors were unable to find the heartbeat of Michelle Duggar‘s unborn child. Oh, cheer up. She has 19 more. People reports:

“After the appointment, we came back home and told the children,” says Michelle, 45. “We had just been talking about baby names last night and they were getting excited about naming a boy or a girl. It has been a real sad disappointment.” She says the family will select a name after they know if the baby was a boy or girl, and then plan to have a funeral service. “I feel like my heart broke telling my children,” says Michelle. “They have all been so excited about this baby and looking forward to April coming around and having a new little one in our arms. That was the most difficult. The Lord is the giver of life and he can choose when that life is ready to go on and be with Him.”

So, basically Michelle Duggar just said God struck her baby dead in her womb because he wanted it for himself. The conceit and absurdity in that statement aside, God is apparently the world’s most successful child murderer. In a more likely scenario Michelle, your last child was delivered by an emergency c-section because you’re 45 and your uterus has been spitting out humans like a car full of Mexicans that just got into an accident. Maybe this your body’s way of telling you to swing by Rite-Aid and pick up some condoms. Or have your vagina sewn shut.

Note: Before you start with how I’m an asshole for not showing respect over this tragedy, look at that banner picture. That’s the real tragedy. In her inculcated and indoctrinated mind, she probably thinks she’s failed as a wife and a “good Christian” because she couldn’t bring yet another damn baby into the world. You know, because that’s apparently the only reason God puts women here in the first place.

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