If you’re still unsure about the great lengths mainstream magazines will go to stick their tongue up celebrities’ asses, look no further than the cover of the new Lifestyle Weekly. A completely scripted and thinly-veiled publicity stunt (it will have a four hour special on E!) and money grab (People has already offered her $1M for the wedding photos) disguised as a wedding. It’s not the wedding of the year, it’s the transaction of the year. It’s subversion on a mass scale, a gala primetime event to trick you into thinking that everything you see on screen was completely born out of true love and human emotions. Here’s a hint: it wasn’t. The only thing more shocking than people actually believing any of this is real is the fact that Kris Jenner hasn’t offered up Kendall Jenner’s anus to Benjamin Bernake just so she could be in close proximity of a printing press.
Note: Just to make sure you fully understand what’s going on, Kim Kardashian has reportedly cut 50 members from her guest list due to space restrictions. But don’t worry, Justin Bieber, Demi Lovato, Serena and Venus Williams, and Kris Humphries’ teammates will still be there. You know who won’t? Bruce Jenner’s (her stepdad) family.