This will end well. Star reports:
Jessica Simpson has staged an intervention for her troubled 26-year-old sister, Ashlee. Ashlee is in the middle of a painful split from Fall Out Boy bassist Pete Wentz, 32, with whom she has a 2-year-old son, Bronx. And reportedly, she’s not handling it well. “Ashlee is downing eight to 10 bottled of wine a week,” a source reveals to Star. “Jessica is on a mission to save Ashlee from self-destructing, and she told her to funnel her angst into songwriting.” Knee-deep in wedding prep, Jessica has even enlisted her fiancé, Eric Johnson, who has been helping Ashlee craft songs. “Jessica has also been writing with Ashlee, but refuses to take any professional songwriting credit,” adds another insider. “The biggest reward for Jess will be seeing her baby sister bounce back.”
Ashlee’s coming out of a marriage with a guy who made out with dudes and wore more eyeliner than she did, so I can understand why she’d turn to cheap Riesling to make the pain go away. That said, it’s a poorly kept secret that Jessica Simpson is a (barely) functional alcoholic, so this should be about as successful as Ashlee and Jessica’s TV shows and last two albums. To really set Ashlee up for success, Jessica should spring for a few more experts. She can throw in her own relationship advice and parenting tips from Papa Joe, lessons on religious tolerance from Mel Gibson, and anger management techniques from Chris Brown. Because they’re experts, you see.