Charlize Theron Never Wants To Get Married By todd June 30, 2011



Although she’s been a strong proponent for gay marriage before it was cool, Charlize Theron says she can never see herself getting married. If I had to guess, it’s because marriage is an archaic and unnatural act perpetuated by women so they can live out their princess fantasy they’ve had since they were kids and get a huge rock to show their friends. Or something like that. No, mostly just that. People reports:

“I really want for myself a long-term relationship, and I have been in long-term relationships,” Theron, 35, tells Piers Morgan in an interview to air Thursday on CNN. “That’s the kind of union that I want. The actual ceremony is not something that is important to me, but I see the importance for other people.” Asked if she sees herself ever getting married, she replies: “I don’t … I treat my relationships like marriages, I really do.” Marriage, she adds, was “never something that was important [to me].”

This really shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone because Charlize Theron is basically a bro trapped in the body of a South African supermodel who just wants to chill like this when she’s not making movies. She kept Stuart Townsend on the hook like she was Leatherface for nine years until waking up one day and saying, “Meh, I’m over it. Later.” She didn’t really seem to care. Probably because the weed is so good in California.

Although she’s been a strong proponent for gay marriage before it was cool, Charlize Theron says she can never see herself getting married. If I had to guess, it’s because…

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Dammit, Kate By todd June 30, 2011

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Ok, look, I had every intention of writing about Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ suicide attempt, but fuck him, because if you really want to kill yourself, you’d kill yourself. Don’t be such a pussy about it. Besides, his tits are nowhere near as big as Kate Upton’s. Post about a suicide attempt where nobody died or has huge tits? Really, who has that kinda time?

Ok, look, I had every intention of writing about Jonathan Rhys Meyers’ suicide attempt, but fuck him, because if you really want to kill yourself, you’d kill yourself. Don’t be…

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The Face Of Sobriety By todd June 30, 2011

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Here’s more pictures of Lindsay Lohan leaving Lexington Social House less than 12 hours after her house arrest ended. I was gonna say something about her being on death’s doorstep, but this bitch is already inside with her feet up on the couch asking how much longer the lasagna has to cook.

Here’s more pictures of Lindsay Lohan leaving Lexington Social House less than 12 hours after her house arrest ended. I was gonna say something about her being on death’s doorstep,…

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Megan Fox: “Brian And I Were On A Break” By todd June 30, 2011



On Tuesday, it was revealed that Shia LaBeouf hooked up (fucked) Megan Fox on the set of Transformers. Many people had strong reactions. Mostly that Shia was lying because Megan Fox was dating her future husband Brian Austin Green at the time. But it was all good, brah. They were on a break. Us Magazine reports:

Yes, Megan and Shia hooked up,” a set source confirms to Us Weekly. In his Details chat, LaBeouf, 25, sputtered when asked if Fox was then involved with her now-husband Brian Austin Green during their tryst (he repeated “I don’t know” 12 times). But the kissing costars are in the clear, the source says. “It was when Megan and Brian broke up,” the source explains. “They had a 10-month break before getting back together.” (Indeed, Fox and Green, 36, did have a break of nearly a year before reuniting and eventually tying the knot in June 2010.) “[Shia and Megan] bonded while filming,” the source explains of the epic shoot, which was worsened by director Michael Bay’s rumored temper. “Believe me, that was an unhappy set. I think they were drawn together because it was so ugly working on that film.”

I assume by “break” she means she was blowing Shia in his trailer and Brian Austin Green was at home crying into her panties then masturbating to be able to fall asleep. Then he might have kneeled in his front yard and cursed God. Then tortured a neighborhood animal. Then asked an old lady what she was looking at and to mind her own business. Then threw an empty bottle of scotch toward a mom in a minivan. Then screamed at a little girl riding by on a tricycle that she would grow up to be a whore because all women are whores especially Megan because he bets she’s naked right now because that’s what whores do because they’re whores and they can’t help themselves. Or something like that. I’m not familiar with the process really.

On Tuesday, it was revealed that Shia LaBeouf hooked up (fucked) Megan Fox on the set of Transformers. Many people had strong reactions. Mostly that Shia was lying because Megan…

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Guess Who By todd June 30, 2011

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Hours after her release, Lindsay Lohan was telling friends that she was scared to leave her house and that she was “planning to do the same thing she’s been doing for the last 35 nights — chill out, relax, and put her feet up … in peace and quiet, in the company of sister Ali and a few buds.” Then hours after that, she stumbled out of Lexington Social House and almost fell down. Oh, that Lindsay! Always a trickster!

Hours after her release, Lindsay Lohan was telling friends that she was scared to leave her house and that she was “planning to do the same thing she’s been doing…

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Chris Hansen Was Caught On Tape By todd June 30, 2011



If you like underage pussy and To Catch A Predator‘s Chris Hansen has cockblocked you on national television, this might be good news. Hansen was caught on tape cheating on his 53-year old wife with, Kristyn Caddell (this chick), a 30-year-old Florida news reporter and former NBC intern. National Enquirer reports:

Investigative star Chris Hansen – best known for exposing Internet sex perverts on “TO CATCH A PREDATOR” – has been caught in his own cheating scandal with a sexy blonde young enough to be his daughter! For nearly four months, sources say, the handsome father of two has been cheating on his wife with Kristyn Caddell, a news anchor at NBC affili­ate WPTV in West Palm Beach, Fla. Hansen and his wife, Mary, 53, live togeth­er in Connecticut and have two sons, but that didn’t stop the “To Catch a Predator” star from being caught in his own web of deceit, say sources.

To be honest, before I actually read the details of this story, I had a whole post written already. Then I realized his wife is 53 and his side piece is 30. The only thing shocking about this story is that the video hasn’t been released sooner. You know, like 13 years ago. I mean, his wife is 53. Her vagina is probably scabbed over.

If you like underage pussy and To Catch A Predator‘s Chris Hansen has cockblocked you on national television, this might be good news. Hansen was caught on tape cheating on…
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Jesus Take The Bra By todd June 30, 2011



I have no idea who this woman is in this picture with Miley Cyrus, but apparently she was made from a solid block of ice.

I have no idea who this woman is in this picture with Miley Cyrus, but apparently she was made from a solid block of ice.

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Lindsay Is Free By todd June 29, 2011



Lindsay Lohan has finally been released after spending 35 days of sheer hell in her Venice apartment throwing parties and filming commercials. Wear a seatbelt, L.A. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan’s painfully relaxing stint under house arrest is finally OVER!!! According to the L.A. County Sheriff’s Department, Lohan was officially released at 10:20 AM … ending 35 arduous days of sun-tanning captivity. We’re told Lindsay is still inside her Venice, CA condo … preparing to roll over to the Downtown Women’s Center to perform her community service.

Some of you might be upset that Lindsay is free once again as she continues to laugh in the face of the law at every turn, but please keep in mind that being kept in isolation really puts a limit on the ways she can die.

Lindsay Lohan has finally been released after spending 35 days of sheer hell in her Venice apartment throwing parties and filming commercials. Wear a seatbelt, L.A. TMZ reports: Lindsay Lohan’s…

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Melissa Satta Is In A Bikini By todd June 29, 2011

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The internet tells me that this is American born Italian model Melissa Satta and she is relaxing at the beach on Formentera, of the Balearic Islands of Spain. My penis tells me if he concentrates very hard he can make it because the Balearic Islands of Spain aren’t really that far away when you think about it for a minute.

The internet tells me that this is American born Italian model Melissa Satta and she is relaxing at the beach on Formentera, of the Balearic Islands of Spain. My penis…

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This Thing Is Supposedly Cutest Baby In The World By todd June 29, 2011



The entire Kardashian family truly believe that they are the most beautiful creatures walking the planet, except one is a primate and one has a gigantic ass and I think one of the younger ones has horns. Anyway, so of course when one of them has a baby (this waterhead freak), then OMG he’s the just the most CUTEST THING EVA!!! Except fuck no he’s not. KONG DISAGREE WITH TODD BABY CUTE I HAS HUG HIM.

I just saw these adorable pics on Kim’s blog and I had to steal them. It honestly feels like forever since I’ve seen Mason and I was only on vacation for a week LOL. I miss him sooooo much! He really is the cutest baby in the world!

Seriously? This old shrunken Jewish man who needs a neck brace to hold up his giant head is the cutest baby in the world? Maybe when they found him underneath some rubble in Fallujah crying for his mommy because he might have been covered at dust, but at some point you have to realize he’s gonna grow up and live under an opera house.

The entire Kardashian family truly believe that they are the most beautiful creatures walking the planet, except one is a primate and one has a gigantic ass and I think…

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