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Justin Bieber is a wigger with a bitch haircut who looks like he’d scream and jump on the counter if he saw an ant on the ground. But in his recent Vanity Fair interview, he doesn’t let things like reality or self-awareness stop the voices in his head that he thinks are coming from the magic mirror.
On why he’s the world’s greatest musician:
“I’m crazy, I’m nuts,” Justin Bieber tells Vanity Fair contributing editor Lisa Robinson. “Just the way my brain works. I’m not normal. I think differently—my mind is always racing. I’m just … nuts. But I think the best [musicians] probably are.” Robinson reports that Bieber considers the “best” to be the Beatles, Michael Jackson, and Tupac. “Music is music, and I’m definitely influenced by Michael Jackson and Boyz II Men and people who were black artists—that’s what I like.
On why he’s the best looking man on the planet:
Bieber tells Robinson that he knows girls scream for him because he’s Justin Bieber, but he thinks they might also scream for him because he’s cute. “Not trying to be arrogant, but if I walked down the street and a girl saw me, she might take a look back because maybe I’m good-looking, right?”
On why how anybody who doesn’t like his shows or him is a hater:
Bieber admits to Robinson that he’s O.K. with having a predominantly female fan base. “For younger guys, it’s like [they think] they’re not cool if they come to my concert. That’ll [change], I think; it’ll happen, maybe when I’m 18. But meanwhile all their girlfriends are coming to watch me.” Bieber is also aware that despite his success not everyone will be his biggest fan. “Of course, I think that people are just waiting for that time when I make a mistake and they’re gonna jump on it….There’s gonna be haters,”…
On why he’s this insane and believes every word you just read:
[Patti] Mallette (Bieber’s mom) also tells Robinson that, after a personal encounter with God, she believes that she and Justin have been put on earth to bring light and inspiration to the world.
Flash forward twenty years and this guy will be jacking off in a truck in front of guy on Sunset for meth money, but right now, he truly believes that he’s a musical Messiah sent to spread joy to the world by singing songs about waving at girls at the mall. Somebody get this little gaywad an ice cream cone and a Snuggie, please.