Lindsay Might Go To Jail For Battery

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Lindsay Lohan is facing six months in jail after she allegedly assaulted a Betty Ford Clinic staff member following her drunken night out at a bar this weekend. TMZ reports:

Lindsay Lohan is a suspect in a criminal battery investigation and the alleged victim — a staff member at Betty Ford — wants Lindsay prosecuted … this according to law enforcement sources. The Palm Desert Police Department is now investigating an altercation that occurred after Lindsay and her roommates reportedly went to a bar and came back home. Upon arriving at the house, the incident with a female staffer from Betty Ford allegedly went down. The police received a call at 1:03 AM on December 12 for “hand-to-hand battery.” Cops came to Betty Ford after receiving the call and interviewed both the staffer and Lindsay. We’re told the staffer “desired prosecution.” We’re told when the police finish the investigation, the case will be forwarded to prosecutors for review.

But of course in Lindsay’s coke-addled, paranoid, and delusional mind, this whole thing is just some sort of grand conspiracy cleverly orchestrated to ruin her life. TMZ reports:

Lindsay is telling people close to her … the drama unfolded when she arrived to the BFC on December 12 roughly ten minutes after her curfew. Lindsay claims when she walked into the BFC — a female staff member was “unfairly” scolding her about the situation … and demanded the actress take a drug/alcohol test. We’re told it was during the heated exchange that the woman “put her hands on Lindsay.” Lindsay claims she told the woman, “Take your hands off of me” and then “pushed back.” As we previously reported, local police received a call at 1:03 AM for “hand-to-hand battery” — and LiLo was named as a suspect. The staffer wants LiLo prosecuted for criminal battery. We’re told Lindsay feels the staffer has had it out for her for a while … and with LiLo reaching the end of her stay at the clinic, the actress believes the staffer was looking for a final confrontation.

Lindsay Lohan would wear an exploding collar and agree to be hunted on an deserted island if it meant an open bar was the grand prize, so of course she hit this chick. She got drunk, came back, the staffer called her out, then Lindsay threw a hissy fit because a mere mortal had the audacity to question her. I swear, if she goes to court and the words “lethal” and “injection” aren’t brought up at least once I might do something drastic. Like wash the dishes. It’s getting out of hand in there.

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