Ashley Greene Does Cosmopolitan

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Starting January 2011, Cosmopolitan will apparently become a porn magazine, because here’s Ashley Greene with her rack hanging out and surrounded by words about sex, being naked, orgasms and virgins. Which doesn’t help me understand why women need to know “What Do To When Your Man Gets All Quiet”. I think that mystery is solved by looking at this cover. Maybe this should be changed to, “Why Can’t I Shut The Fuck Up When My Man Gets All Quiet? I’m Still Talking Right Now, Aren’t I? Is That Why He’s Giving Me A Blank Stare? Why Can’t I Tell A Story Without Breaking It Off Into A Million Tangents Until I Don’t Even Remember The Point Of What I Was Trying To Tell You?! OMG, I’m Still Talking!! AHHHH!! Shoes!!! Grey’s Anatomy!!! I’m Still Talki….Recipes!!!”

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