Katy Perry Is Holding Out

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When you make your living as a manufactured pop star whose only relevance and contribution to the music industry is how big your tits look and thinly veiled lyrics about blowjobs and bisexuality, it’s important to show people you are a woman of pride and diginity by adhering to outdated Christian traditions. Even if you are having a traditional Hindu wedding. Digital Spy reports:

Katy Perry has allegedly imposed a pre-wedding sex ban on her fiancé Russell Brand. The ‘Firework’ singer is said to have slapped the restriction on her former sex addict partner in order to make the couple’s first night as man and wife particularly meaningful. A source told the Sunday Mirror: “Katy wants everything to be special for their wedding, including the first night. The sex ban was definitely her idea. “Russell has reluctantly agreed, and they are sure it will be worth it after they have tied the knot.” The couple are reportedly heading to India later this month to wed in a traditional Hindu ceremony.

So they’ve fucked before, but can’t fuck until they’re married now? Is her vagina gonna gain magical healing powers or teach Tony Romo not to hand out turnovers like he works at McDonald’s? If not, I’m not really sure how their wedding night is gonna be special. If somebody could explain this to me that would be fantastic. Oh, you know what else you could explain? Crocs. What’s up with those?

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