“I Feel Like People Are Constantly Curious As To How Much I Weigh”

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Obviously Jessica Simpson became famous by covering up her marginal talent with tight shirts and daisy dukes, and her hype machine went out of their way to sell her as a dumb blonde chick every man wanted to bang. But she’s fat now. But don’t ever mention the fact that in five years she’s gained 300 pounds, because if you do you’re a big meanie face! E! Online reports:

“Many times I wanted to surrender and give up,” said the star in an interview with USA Today that touched on subjects such as love, self-esteem and the endless scrutiny surrounding her weight. “But I have a calling in my life,” she said. “And if I have to go through that scrutiny, I will.” “I went through a really hard time a couple years back with people just harping on the pressure of how to look perfect, obviously using me and my weight. It was a tabloid frenzy,” Simpson recalled, most likely referring to the infamous mom-jeans photo and the grief she took for it. “I feel like people are constantly curious as to how much I weigh or what I look like or what I wear…There’s no way you’re not going to be affected by the ugly things people say about you. It’s very hurtful. It definitely brings up a lot of your own insecurities. It takes a great family and wonderful friends—and love definitely helps, too—to get through it.”

Okay, so when you look like this and this and the media tells us how beautiful you are, you can’t show up looking like this one day, and expect someone not to pause and raise their hand in class. If you want to go on a Kodiak bear diet, go on a Kodiak bear diet. But don’t blame me for your insecurities while you look up buffets on Google Maps. You’re fat, your man obviously doesn’t care, so stop crying about it. “Thanks, Todd, but do I need to know how to play the flute to try the new BK Breakfast Bowl?” Dammit, Jessica! I don’t even know why I bother!

Note: Since every one who reads this site is apparently experts in photography and can spot celebrities from 2,000 yards, there is always one jackass who claims the person in the picture isn’t the person I’m writing about. So to clear up any confusion, the chick in the white bikini is Jessica Simpson. Thanks for playing, though.

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