Yep, This Will Turn Out Well By todd October 29, 2010



When a woman is raised by devout Christian parents, she is taught that her vagina is a precious gift more valuable than the Golden Fleece and that it should be worshiped by all who are allowed to enter. This is pretty much the only way to explain this story.
Radar Online reports:

Katy Perry’s childhood may have been a bit sheltered, but as an adult, the singer has no qualms about her wild ways in the bedroom with husband Russell Brand. “Like Ludacris rapped, ‘I’m a lady in the street and a freak in the bed,’” she told Now Magazine. “I can’t rate myself, but if you ask Russell I’m sure he’d give me a ten out of ten.” The pair said, ‘I do’ in India last week and Perry isn’t worried about her new husband straying, despite his past history of skirt-chasing. “He’s made no secret of what his life was like before me, but that’s then and this is the future,” she said. “He’s cheated in the past but he knows how good he has it with me and I know he’d never do anything to jeopardize that. I trust him 100 percent.

Haha, wow. This should be interesting. Remember when that dude from LifeLock posted his social security number all over his commercials and ads and said that he trusted his product so much that no one could steal his identity? Then, you know, hackers stole his identity? This is pretty much like that except replace “LifeLock” with “Katy Perry’s vagina” and “hackers stole his identity” with “Russell Brand waking up on top of two teenage twins in two weeks.”

When a woman is raised by devout Christian parents, she is taught that her vagina is a precious gift more valuable than the Golden Fleece and that it should be…

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Wine Must Contain Allergens By todd October 29, 2010



Less than 6 hours before Charlie Sheen was rushed to the hospital for being drunk and skied up off his ass an “allergic reaction“, he and his $12,000 a night hooker (who eventually found herself hiding in a closet), enjoyed a quiet, understated dinner at Daniel in NYC. Somebody might want to notify the health inspector, because wine there is apparently infected with the rage virus.

Pic source = TMZ (well, obviously)

Less than 6 hours before Charlie Sheen was rushed to the hospital for being drunk and skied up off his ass an “allergic reaction“, he and his $12,000 a night…

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Jessica Simpson Is Very Mature By todd October 29, 2010

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Ever since she divorced Nick Lachey in 2005, Jessica Simpson has told anyone who would listen that whoever she was dating at the time was “the one” and that she’s “never been happier”. However, it’s been a well known secret in Hollywood for years that she’s a functioning alcoholic (here and here) who desperately clings to any semblance of affection. She’s already ran off Tony Romo and John Mayer, and she has already hinted at marriage with her current boyfriend, Eric Johnson (you know, the guy whose divorce was just finalized). Yet, her ex-husband Nick Lachey, has quietly been in a committed relationship with Vanessa Minnillo (BAM!) for the last four years. But as the law of averages suggest, it was only a matter of time before they ran into Jessica Simpson at a restaurant. I bet you’ll never guess what happened! Us Magazine reports:

When a surprised Jessica Simpson spotted ex-husband Nick Lachey just three tables away at L.A. eatery Red O Oct. 21, she had not-so-kind words for his dinner date Vanessa Minnillo, witnesses tell the new Us Weekly. Simpson, 30, (dining with beau Eric Johnson, mom Tina and four other pals) didn’t greet Lachey; instead, an observer tells Us, she angrily told her server: “‘I hope Vanessa likes her clothes because I bought them for her, since Nick took all my money.” (She and Lachey, 36, divorced in 2005.) A Simpson confidante adds that the star “got nervous” when Lachey and his love of four years Minnillo, 29, unexpectedly showed up. “It was very weird and awkward.” Indeed, another Red O witness tells Us she “got really loud and started drinking margaritas and doing shots of tequila” to deal with her former spouse’s presence.

Wow, an overweight, bitter drunk who can’t move on from her ex. Man, how did Eric Johnson land this?! Just lucky I guess!

Ever since she divorced Nick Lachey in 2005, Jessica Simpson has told anyone who would listen that whoever she was dating at the time was “the one” and that she’s…

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I Guess This Bra Doesn’t Have Hydraulics By todd October 29, 2010

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More sexxxy pictures of Christina Hendricks on the set of Drive were released yesterday, and as you can see, her tits look like they just found a quarter on the ground. I know if I want to be one of the cool kids I have to say that this chick is hot and the ideal of what every woman should look like, but I played saxophone in junior high. What is this “cool” you speak of?

More sexxxy pictures of Christina Hendricks on the set of Drive were released yesterday, and as you can see, her tits look like they just found a quarter on the…

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Christmas Came Early By todd October 29, 2010

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My completely normal not weird at all obsession with Jessica Lowndes has taken me to some pretty dark places. Places like Dollar General to buy duct tape.

My completely normal not weird at all obsession with Jessica Lowndes has taken me to some pretty dark places. Places like Dollar General to buy duct tape.

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Suck It, Coco By todd October 27, 2010



Sandee Westgate is a porn star who has a Twitter account. Coco might want to check on this, but I don’t think they sell voodoo dolls at Lids or the swap meet. She might have to order one online.

Sandee Westgate is a porn star who has a Twitter account. Coco might want to check on this, but I don’t think they sell voodoo dolls at Lids or the…
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Justin Timberlake Downgraded, Olivia Munn is DTF By todd October 27, 2010



I don’t understand how being knuckle deep in this and this could ever possibly get boring, but Justin Timberlake managed to talk Olivia Munn into banging him for three days. Apparently she believed him when he said he broke up with Jessica Biel. Haha, they fall for it every time! Us Magazine reports:

Justin Timberlake cheated on Jessica Biel with actress Olivia Munn during a three-day fling this past September, reports the new Us Weekly (on newsstands now). Timberlake, 29, and Munn, 30, a Daily Show correspondent who stars in the upcoming NBC series Perfect Couples, first met at a Sept. 26 MySpace event. After exchanging numbers, he “started chasing her immediately,” says an insider. Munn resisted his advances, telling him it was a no-go if he was still with Biel, 28, the source tells Us Weekly. But Timberlake “has been telling people it’s over with Jessica, even though “the reality is he’s just doing it behind her back.” Believing he had left Biel and that her relationship with Timberlake might develop into something serious, Munn took him to her hotel, the Gansevoort Park Avenue NYC, Sept. 27 and 28, where “they were openly affectionate,” the insider adds. The insider tells Us the two “had amazing sex” that night.

I dated a Chinese girl once and I almost needed a shoehorn to get my penis inside her, so I can see the appeal. But I can also see the appeal of Miller High Life, so I might not be the best judge.

I don’t understand how being knuckle deep in this and this could ever possibly get boring, but Justin Timberlake managed to talk Olivia Munn into banging him for three days….

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Do Your Duty By todd October 27, 2010



The future mother of the kids I’m going to give up for adoption voted yesterday, so you should as well. I really don’t care who you vote for as long as you vote. The liberal media will try to tempt you by saying the McRib is back for a limited time starting on November 2nd, but don’t be fooled by their subversionist tactics! Vote now!!

Note: If Christine O’Donnell is elected as anything except the Mayor of McDonaldland, I’m holding all of you responsible.

The future mother of the kids I’m going to give up for adoption voted yesterday, so you should as well. I really don’t care who you vote for as long…
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The Superficial Might Close Today By todd October 27, 2010

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Since rehab on your forearm and gathering supplies for your Ben Roethlisberger Rape Kit (patent pending) can take a while, my buddy over at The Superficial might be out today, because Blake Lively is now officially single. Us Magazine reports:

Penn Badgley and Blake Lively, both 23, have ended their three-year romance, a rep for the Gossip Girl costars exclusively tells the new Us Weekly (on newsstands now). They called it quits in mid-September. “They’re professionals,” an insider tells Us Weekly. “They’re still good friends and hang out on the set.” The source says that the duo — who met as preteen actors in L.A. — “kept this news to themselves for a while.”

Fish might want to proceed with caution. I mean, Blake Lively’s older sister is a witch. And she can also rap. A rapping witch. Sounds like a boss battle to me.

Since rehab on your forearm and gathering supplies for your Ben Roethlisberger Rape Kit (patent pending) can take a while, my buddy over at The Superficial might be out today,…

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Sophia Bush Is Upset, Hot By todd October 27, 2010



When tweeting stops being polite, and starts getting real. ONTD says:

Basically someone hacked into Sophia’s co-star and friend Bethany Joy Galeotti’s personal FB and stole a pretty personal photo that was only meant to be seen by close family and friends. What was it? It was a sonogram e-card type thing. It even stated the sex of her unborn child. Joy hasn’t even confirmed her pregnancy since she’s a very private person.

Man, that sucks. But back to me, One Hill Tree Hill films in Wilmington, so I have no idea why I haven’t drove down there and hid under her trailer. Some people might call it rape, but I’d like to think of it as a surprise party for her vagina. Every girl likes surprises!

When tweeting stops being polite, and starts getting real. ONTD says: Basically someone hacked into Sophia’s co-star and friend Bethany Joy Galeotti’s personal FB and stole a pretty personal photo…

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