When Las Vegas police pull you over because you have weed smoke coming from your Escalade then find cocaine in your purse, normally you’re shot and killed. But Paris Hilton was released from custody in just three hours, so now she’s frolicking on the beach in Hawaii like nothing ever happened. Awesome. Is there a reason she’s not underneath the jail right now? Did they have to let her go because her vivisection experiments on the island were close to creating humans? Has she found the secret to safe, renewable energy? No, she’s a coked up skank with herpes who looks like a chicken that was dipped in scalding water. It’s my sincere hope that somebody drowns her. What? Oh please, Jason Voorhees drowned and he turned out okay.
Note: Oh hey, special treatment in jail. “Yeah, she was treated differently so I don’t have a disruption of my process here at the county jail,” said Metropolitan Police Deputy Chief Jim Dixon.