“I’m Too Pretty To Be In Jail”

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It’s unclear at this point if Snooki has ever actually seen herself. It’s like the Book of Eli if Eli was a drunk whore looking for her shoe. MTV reports:

“I don’t know why people are taking it so seriously,” she told MTV News on Friday evening. “I had a couple cocktails and they just put me in a drunk tank to sober me up. I was on the beach. It happens to the best of us, and I’m not planning on going back to jail ever again. I was a public nuisance — big deal!” The disorderly conduct charge carries a potential fine of between $250 and $1,000, but Snooki will not face any jail time. That’s a good thing, clearly, because one place the 22-year-old does not want to be is behind bars. “I’m too pretty to be in jail,” Snooki said. “I’m a good person. I’m not a criminal, and I will never go back there.”

Somebody should check to see if this skank did a live test with her telepods and teleported with Love-a-Lot Bear, because goddamn she’s completely in love with herself even though she looks like an aborted fetus on Skull Island. Instead of being on reality show, she tour pediatric burn warns and St. Jude’s to teach little kids about self-esteem. Or dragged into the street and shot in the head. You know, either or.

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