Grandmas apparently have access to Daily Booth photoblogs, so Demi Moore uploaded these pics she took of herself in the mirror. Man she looks awesome for 47, right?! What’s her secret?! Most 47-year chicks with three kids don’t look like this! The main reason being, most of them can’t afford to get plastic surgery like a burn victim or Robocop. Unlike Demi Moore. Demi Moore has had so much work done, a real estate agent should be appraising her at the end of an episode of Flip This House.
My friend and future recipient of my child support checks, Shannon Richards, is a model in Texas, so if you can ignore the music in this video, your penis will thank you. America will thank you.
Ground Zero has already been desecrated [The Superficial]
Jessica Alba is hot as hell [Popoholic]
Danielle Staub is old, topless [TaxiDriver Movie]
Paris is screwed, not in night vision this time [Celebslam]
Mad Men does Rolling Stone, extreme Photoshop [The Blemish]
Blake Lively. Rack. [Just Jared]
Babes of the 2010 U.S. Open [COED Magazine]
John Mayer is basket case and sucks in bed [Cele|bitchy]
Lady Gaga ripped off somebody else’s song [Allie Is Wired]
Calvin Kelin’s model behavior [Cityrag]
Holly Madison bikini reunion [Heyman Hustle]
Leonor Watling (more…)
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I have no idea what One Day is about, but apparently it’s a story of Anne Hathaway‘s descent into lesbianism. Or her fight with Captain Hook. Or whatever it is that explains this stupid haircut.
Slaying the myth that gays have good taste, Lady Gaga is insufferably full of herself and and her confusingly high sense of self-worth and God complex has now reached a point where she really needs to make a hat out of cellphones. Female First reports:
The ‘Telephone’ hitmaker is reportedly terrified of getting a brain tumour from using a portable device and now insists a member of her entourage holds her phone a short distance away from her whenever she has to make a call. “There have been various reports suggesting mobile phone use can increase your risk of developing cancer and brain tumours and even though there’s no firm evidence, it really freaked her out. “She’s now insisting that whenever she makes a call, one of her team keys the numbers into her phone, then holds it up to her face so when she speaks it isn’t too close to her head. She then listens to her calls on the speakerphone.” According to the insider, the request is the latest in a series of bizarre demands from the eccentric singer. She is also said to ask members of her security team to carry her to various events because she has only designated a certain amount of time each day to walking. The source added: “Everyone around Gaga tries to tolerate her annoying and weird behaviour because they know it’s likely to be just another phase.”
Man, if I worked for Lady Gaga I’d have to hold her phone and carry her around because the bitch is too lazy to walk? Awesome. I wouldn’t have my job for five minutes before firefighters were using the jaws of life to get the bear trap off her head.
In the October issue of Vanity Fair, the interview that was conducted with contributing editor Nancy Jo Sales before Lindsay Lohan was sent to jail, Lindsay says she was irresponsible and not making excuses for her recent behavior and brushes with the law. You know, the proceeds to blame everyone else.
Lohan thinks her career is far from over. “I don’t care what anyone says. I know that I’m a damn good actress. … And I know that in my past I was young and irresponsible—but that’s what growing up is. You learn from your mistakes,” she tells Sales. Lohan adamantly denies rumors of drug abuse, telling Sales: “I’ve never abused prescription drugs. I never have—never in my life. I have no desire to. That’s not who I am. I’ve admitted to the things that I’ve done—to, you know, dabbling in certain things and trying things ’cause I was young and curious and thought it was like, O.K., ’cause other people were doing it and other people put it in front of me. And I see what happened in my life because of it.” Lohan blames her troubles, in part, on hanging out with the wrong crowd, Sales reports. “So many people around me would say they cared for the wrong reasons. A lot of people were pulling from me, taking from me and not giving. I had a lot of people that were there for me for, you know, the party.” And when she first moved to L.A., Lohan says, “it was very go-go-go and I had a lot of responsibility; and I think just the second I didn’t have [structure] anymore—I was 18, 19—with a ton of money and no one really here to tell me that I couldn’t do certain things … And I see where that’s gotten me now, and I don’t like it.” She says tabloids were her main source of news, and calls that “really scary and sad… I would look up to those girls… the Britneys and whatever. And I would be like, I want to be like that.”
And just to clear up any illusions you might have about the paparazzi “stalking” her:
Sales interviews several paparazzi, and reports that Lohan often cooperates with them for a fee, though Lohan denies this. “If I called her up right now and said I’ll give you $10,000, she’d come right down,” a photographer tells Sales. “Once you’re famous, there’s always a way to make money,” another photographer says. “She might not be doing what she’d like to be doing, but she’ll always be Lindsay Lohan.”
Man, I really need to get her publicist to write my eHarmony profile and a book about unicorns. He seems to be pretty good at making you believe things that are complete fantasy.
After dating for almost five years, Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy broke up in April. And even though she’s a lunatic whose medical advice causes children to die of measles, to reiterate, she’s Jenny McCarthy. It wasn’t going to take long before her needs would be filled horizontally by somebody else. And that somebody else is 35-year-old “Las Vegas hunk” Jason Toohey. Long story short, Jim carrey might kill himself.
…pals fear the funnyman’s downward spiral may prompt a return of the condition that once forced him into treatment for mental health problems. “Jim isn’t himself these days – and he hasn’t been ever since he and Jenny split,” a close friend told The ENQUIRER. “But finding out she has already moved in with a guy has just sent him reeling.”…A devastated Jim has been acting strangely, say sources — and he has posted weird messages on Twitter recently. Not long after splitting with Jenny, he Tweeted the word “boing” 40 times. Then he attacked Tiger Woods’ wife in another post, claiming she must have known about her husband’s affairs. “That was the manic Jim acting out,” says the friend. “He isn’t happy.”
Obama doesn’t need to step in for factories to make more vagina, so I’m not really sure what his problem is right now. Snap out of it, dude. You’re Jim Carrey. You could turn over a casket then set it on fire, and still fuck every chick at a funeral.
Marisa Miller spends half of her life in lingerie, and these pictures of her in the 2010 Victoria’s Secret campaign make it obvious as to why. When your body looks like God made it while he was blazed and sending out angels for a Taco Bell run, there really isn’t much else you should be allowed to wear.
Miranda Kerr is four months pregnant and married to Orlando Bloom, but do I really need to get 3D glasses to know I want to kill her baby and make a new one? Lions do that right? I’m not gonna lie, I don’t think that’s the kinda stuff I’m supposed to learn on National Geographic.
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Tween cutter rape fantasy Robert Pattinson is considered one of the sexiest men in the world, and based on these pictures of him leaving SOHO last night, it’s easy to tell why. As you can see, either Kristen Stewart dyed her hair and aged 20 years overnight, he was also with a mystery woman who he probably already artificially inseminated. “I don’t have to stick in her, right? I mean, I don’t have to see her…oh, OMG! Don’t say it, don’t say it! OMG, ewwww!,” Robert Pattinson was overheard as saying.
Sophie Monk looks like Jamie Pressley if Jamie Pressley’s mother’s womb had a casino and Jamie lost at the Trisomy 21 table, but for some reason she’s a sex symbol. You could cut off her head and replace it with the pumpkin and my penis would have the exact same response.